I Find Comfort In Pain
by reflecting
Summary: UNDER REVISION. He finds comfort in pain, she wish for him to find it in her. A Soul Connection, love, fear and death turn their lives upsidedown, until they in the end find themselves together in a complete darkness. R
1. The Pain

_A/N: After many, many years, I am back to re-view and re-word this story and change a few things to make it flow better :) Thanks for all the support throughout the years! I hope to someday return to the HGSS fandom with another viral story :) Thanks, again! :D _

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I Find Comfort in Pain

Chapter 1: The Pain

He was shaking in cold and pain, stumbling through the forest as he struggled for air. He had a long way to go, and he couldn't stop now; it was too important to get there in time.

He fell. Lying on the cold, hard ground, he slowly turned to lie on his back. He lied there, on the ground, for about two minutes, but he couldn't allow himself to rest; he_ wouldn't._

Standing up on shaky legs, he leaned onto a tree.

"Stupid, damned leg!" he muttered as he started walking again.

Minutes passed, and he felt more and more tired. The pain was unbearable; it felt as if every bone in his body was on fire, and it felt like a thousand needles were sticking his skin. Yet it made him feel alive; made him remember he was still human.

Several deep cuts leaked blood and one eye was blinded by it as it seeped thickly from one over his left brow. He angrily wiped it away, but the blood kept falling anyway (he had no energy to spare for shallow healing spells, and he still had his right eye to see by, so it didn't really matter).

The creatures in the forest watched him as he walked. He had been there before, and he hadn't done them anything, so they left him alone and he was thankful for that. He couldn't stand up for a fight this time, anyway. Of curse, he had been worse, but he hadn't been deep in a forest back then.

'Only about half a mile left, not so far,' he kept telling himself. He looked straight in front of him, carefully scanning the forest for threats. He saw nothing; it was dark, soon to be midnight. Stroking away some raven black hair - stiff from dried blood and sweat - which had fallen before his eyes, he winced. Placing a hand over his ribs, where the sudden stroke of pain had came from, he muttered a curse. "Broken ribs!"

He was now not far away from his destination, he could even see the stars between the treetops. The forest was getting less dense, but he wouldn't hope on too much. He knew that consequences of that. He only hoped that he would get to the castle in time, and that he wouldn't pass out before telling him about _their _plan.

And although he knew he wasn't really trusted anyway, he didn't care. In a way, this was his _real _life. This was _truth._ He wasn't made for a life in happiness; he was destined to be the_ black soul seeking for the light. _He hadn't found it yet, no matter what Albus Dumbledore told him. And pretending to be a faithful servant to the Dark Lord and at the same time being a spy...it had, understandably, its bad sides (which was, he mused, somewhat of an understatement). He had to prove that he was faithful for both his Masters. While one of them sent him away to gather information, and risking his life, the other one made him kill, torture, and rape. He preferred the one making him risk his life; Albus Dumbledore.

When young, he had wanted to do nothing else than follow the Dark Lord to death, but now, after several years of learning hard lessons, he knew better.

Severus Snape shook his head to clear his thoughts.

"Not far away, keep going…" he said in a hoarse voice, trying to distract himself with any sound other than the eerie background noise of the enchanted forest... The pain was getting stronger, it really wouldn't be long until he would collapse.

But finally, he reached the forest edge. Stumbling out of the forest, he moaned in pain, starting to walk up towards the castle before he gave in to the urge to simply lie down and close his eyes (forever, maybe).

"When_ the soul _doesn't hurt, the _body _does," he said, sneering, as he reached the big entrance door. Coming to a stop, finally, Severus took a deep breath before pushing the door open. He winced in pain as he took in short, sharp breaths.

'Bloody great, only a_ few_ stairs to climb…'

Looking up at the first stair, he groaned. 'How to do this,' he thought.

With great difficulty, he reached the first floor, slowly making his way through the corridors towards the other staircases. When he rounded a corner, he heard a gasp. It sounded like a female, but he couldn't really tell. Looking around for anything, or anyone, he saw nothing.

"Who's there? Come out." His voice was harsh, and his eyes wild. He _knew, _rationally, that it could be a student out of bed, but his mind was only thinking about dangers and possible threats at this time (his ribs were broken, the blood kept stinging his eye, and he couldn't really walk straight any more).

He heard deep breathing, and soon he heard footsteps. Looking around once again, he finally saw who it was, hiding in the shadows.

"Miss Granger!" he barked, pain lacing his voice and making it more high-pitched than usual. "What are you doing out of bed? Where are Potter and Weasley?" he wondered, but didn't really care, because surely Potter would be laughing now? "20 points from Gryffindor," it was only fair, seeing him like this. "Now, get out of my sight!"

Hermione Granger stared at him with big, wide eyes and her mouth hanging slightly open in a rather unattractive way.

"Professor? What's happened?"

He sneered at her, shaking his head. "I believe that it's none of your business, Miss Granger. Now, go…away!"

She didn't listen; she only took one step closer to him making him shiver; _stay away, don't look, don't see this weakness, this __revulsion_. "Do you need to get to the Headmaster? Have you been at one of those Death Eater meetings? I can help you; I can go and fetch Professor Dumbledore!"

_If you'd only let me, _hung unspoken between them. Severus meet her worried - _disgustingly naïve, horribly stupid and innocent -_ gaze. Her eyes, like chocolate, in the faint light of the moon, he noticed. "Miss Granger, I wouldn't accept your help if I really didn't need it," he hissed between clenched teeth, fighting the urge to lean completely against the wall closest to him, "But I do need someone to..._lean on," _and it almost hurt physicallt to admit it, "if I'm going up all the way to his office. He wouldn't..._like_ to go up in the middle of the night just to see_ this_," he finally finished, sneering, promptly making Hermione speechless.

She took a deep breath before nodding and walking over to him; he reluctantly laid his arm around her shoulders to support himself. She helped him steady himself before they walked in silence towards the stairs, neither willing to add to the uncomfortable circumstances (was her next words going to cost her more points? Was she laughing at him, even now, as he bled?).

Hermione watched him out of the corner of her eye, and he looked so tired; his face covered with several cuts and bruises. His sharp, crooked nose made him look dangerous and his pale skin (marred with blue, purple, green and yellow marks, among all the red flowing so freely) made him seem like something vulnerable. 'Strange combinations,' Hermione thought, 'for something so rigidly wicked'. Wicked, but not cruel. Not heartless, she'd learned.

Slowly, and most unwelcome at that, her blood went hot as she felt his body's warmth when he tightened his grip around her. A sting of pain had hit him unsuspectingly as he twisted in her grip, making him moan in pain as he struggled to keep on walking. She stiffened in his arms, and he quickly eased his grip, afraid to have hurt her (yet he cursed himself for such a foolish reaction; who cared if he squeezed her too tight? Who cared if she was too fragile? Certainly not him).

She met his eyes and shook her head. "I'm sorry, I was just afraid that you would faint."

He looked away, not quite sure what to say and finding himself with too little energy to lash out anyway...but he watched her closely, for any sign of pain or exhaustion he might've caused her. He didn't want to owe this brat anything, after all.

Finally reaching the Headmaster's office, Severus stopped.

"Miss Granger, I will make it from here," he said, voice stilted and eyes firmly locked onto the gargoyle before him. He didn't know if he_ would_ make it, though. He hadn't just suffered from superficial abuse, but there was no reason to keep the insufferable know-it-all around any longer than necessary (weakness had always left him with a bad taste, but even more so if someone would happen to witness it. He remembered the first days of his double-play with Dumbledore, the fool, and the Dark Lord...he had never quite known humiliation until then, despite the efforts of..._Potter _ and _Black_ and those other..._despicable _creatures).

Her annoyingly light, even voice broke his train of thought. "Are you sure, Professor? It looks like you are in a lot of pain."

He met her eyes, exploring the depths of them, trying to see beyond the disgustingly fake concern, the goody-two-shoes attitude, the laughingly naïve need to _please.._. But there was nothing beyond it, just a painfully genuine..._distress._

Finally, he pulled away. With a apined hitch of breath, he mumbled quite unexpectedly, "I find comfort in pain, comfort I find nowhere else." Why? He didn't know.

With some considerate difficulty, he slowly climbed the stairs leading to Dumbledore's office.

Hermione stood looking after him as he disappeared into the office, hoping he would be all right, although she doubted that he would be seen for awhile. He had been in severe pain, and she wasn't stupid (the smell of blood was still clogging her nose, and she knew without looking there would be dark stains on her white sleeve). The Dark Lord would've used more that just cutting spells, to make him gasp for air like that (broken ribs, she was sure).

Unwillingly, her sight fogged with unshed tears as she thought of what he went through on a, most likely, daily basis (hate the mudbloods, curse Potter, worship the Dark Lord...and report back to Dumbledore, protect the Chosen One, bear the hatred, the _pain_...). As she walked back to the Gryffindor common room, however, Hermione thought of where else he could find comfort, if he'd only let her, let _someone_, be there.

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_A/N: Don't forget to review :)_


	2. The Path They Take

_AN: Yes! I finally got this chapter up! ;D It's betaed and done (thank you Mollie) review? ;)_

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I Find Comfort in Pain

Chapter 2: The Path They Take

He slowly opened his eyes, dreading what they would find; strong sunlight from the window, white walls, too much light, and the consequences of last night.

He was right, as usual. The light from the window forced him to look away and the white sheets shined so strong that he had to blink several times before the hospital wing came into focus. How he hated waking up in here!

Last night, after he had wandered through the castle leaning against Miss Granger, Severus had told Dumbledore about the events on the Death Eater meeting; something he didn't want to repeat. The old man had sent him to the hospital wing after the confessions, as Severus had come to call it in his mind.

Madame Pomfrey had gone nuts, nothing unusual, and shoved him into bed after giving him five different potions, which he still tried to name by memory. He hadn't fought her, which made her even more frantic somehow. 'Must be my oh-so-charming attitude when I'm somewhat healthy,' he thought with a sneer, as he painfully sat up in the way too hard hospital bed. 'Can't this school afford _real_ beds?'

He let his eyes wander around the room, searching for little brats who couldn't manage to duck when some other brat's wand backfired. Was this a school or a mental institute? He had forgotten.

To his relief, no one else was in the hospital wing.

His muscles were sore, even after what he now remembered as two Healing potions, had been forced down his throat.

Relaxing just a bit, leaning back into the soft pillows, he let his mind wander; something that rarely happened, due to the fact that it was too dangerous. It was something he had learned over the years.

Last night Miss Granger had surprised him. Not only was she wandering out of curfew, but also because she was without Potter and Weasley. And he knew her better than even considering her being with another boy.

He must have looked frightening; struggling to keep walking, blood covering his black, torn Death Eater robes, and his bat-like, greasy-professor personality gone. She must have been terrified; but she'd stepped out, exposing herself, willingly reaching out to help him. He knew she was brilliant, to his great annoyance, but that little act showed her true Gryffindor bravery. Now that was something he wouldn't let anyone know. Most of those damned Gryffindors wasted their minds and did idiotic, oh-so-Gryffindor-y brave acts, like jumping in front of someone when a spell was heading that way. Yet that could be the right thing to do, in some cases, like Potters.

The hostility between Gryffindor and Slytherin is well known; it had excited for over four hundred years. Yet the Head of Slytherin once wondered in the mind's privacy, 'why. Why was it like that?' He had learned to push those questions away. He did what everyone else did, he followed the way, the path, that someone before him had built; a way where Gryffindor's were idiots, filth, and a path where Slytherins are the pride, the right way. How wrong it all was. Yet he walked it; yet he closed his eyes and mind.

Why should he change when not even the "honourable" Gryffindor'sdid? In their path, all Slytherins were Death Eaters, and before their existence, plain mean and sneaky.

He closed his eyes and let a brief smile cross his features. He sought out the memory of Miss Hermione Granger's warm little body against his tall frame, instead of letting his mind dwell on the hostility between the houses. He remembered how she had stiffened in his grip, how she had said that he didn't hurt her, that she was just afraid if he would faint. Strange that she would care.

Shaking his head, and regretting it as a headache arose, Severus opened his eyes once again to see Madame Pomfrey walking towards him with what looked like a breakfast tray. Not exactly what he wanted to see, or eat, at the moment.

"Good, you're awake. Here's some breakfast, and make sure you eat it all up."

Severus glared at her. He hated it when she treated him like a child. He opened his mouth, about to tell her off in his usual manner, when she held up her hand, cutting him off.

"The Headmaster said that you are free to go _after_ eating breakfast. He wants to talk to you."

Severus noted with glee how the old nurse fought not to start complaining and wailing as she did when students were allowed to slip out of the hospital wing earlier than what she had wanted. "Very well; give me that damned tray and get out of here. I want to eat in privacy."

Childish? Yes. Did he cared? Not a bit.

Madame Pomfrey snorted, knowing he would either throw the tray out of the window or vanish it with his wand. Or just leave it for her, or the house elves, to clean up. Yet she left, knowing how he could loose the little control he had over his temper, and not wanting to be there when that happened.

Severus watched as the nurse left him, suddenly feeling very tired, he glared down at the tray. Three sandwiches, bacon and an egg. Disgusting. Ah, black, really black, coffee; now that's something.

He raised the hot, steaming cup of coffee to his mouth and inhaled the strong sent; black coffee, that was his normal breakfast.

His throat burned as he swallowed the hot liquid, but he didn't care. The burning pain was nice, in a way. He remembered the last thing he said to the annoying little girl last night; that he found comfort in pain. It was true. It made him feel human when he felt the sickening pain sting through his body. He took another sip, controlling his thoughts, and felt his headache increase.

"Hmm… headache potion…" he mumbled as he put the tray with the now empty cup of coffee on the nightstand and started to get up. With some difficulty, he managed to get over to the cupboards, where he knew the headache potions stood, and opened the small door with a snap.

His hands fumbled around in the dark until he finally found the small vial he was looking for. Straightening up and uncorking the bottle, he quickly swallowed the bad tasting liquid, and felt the headache disappear, leaving a sore, yet pleasant, sensation lingering in his mind. He sighed and placed the empty vial in the cupboard, taking out his wand and with a wave, he changed into his black teaching robes. With a slight, but very painful, limp, he walked out of the hospital wing, not caring about the mess he left behind.

He hid his pain easily, as he had been accustom to doing. The thought of letting students, teachers, or even Dumbledore, see him vulnerable more than twice over a week, or even ever, made him want to hex something, or someone. "Severus Snape" and "vulnerable" just don't go together.

With those thoughts occupying his mind, plus some memories from last night that kept sneaking into his mind, Severus strode towards Dumbledore's office, feeling his temper darken.


	3. A New Totally Emotion

_A/N: Okay, so we've reached the third chapter :) again, many greatful thanks to my beta Mollie ;) _

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I Find Comfort In Pain

Chapter 3: A Totally New Emotion 

Hermione walked briskly through the corridor, her mind buzzing with memories, not only from last nights events, but from the dream that followed. It unsettled her. That probably showed, as her cheeks were still burning hot.

It had been an ordinary dream, at first. She was just walking the path up to Hogwarts, enjoying how the sunlight glittered on the lake's surface. The dream had just taken a quick turn, or rather, twist, and she was suddenly standing in the potions classroom. At first, her sleeping mind had shot off warning signals; but then remembering her encounter with Professor Snape earlier, so it seemed normal to dream something related to him. She relaxed, and let the dream take over. Right now she still wasn't sure if it was a mistake, or not.

_DREAM FLASHBACK: _

_She was standing there, by her usual seat. The cauldron boiled slowly, making a smoothening, calm sound. It was dark, with no light source to be found except the fire under her cauldron, and it was cold; her breath came out in small puffs of mist; almost fogging her vision. _

_Her eyes sought the Professor, but he was nowhere to be found. The old oak desk in the front of the room, with only an unlit candle standing on the left corner, was empty. _

_Slumping her shoulders, in what felt like disappointment, she was about to sit down and wait for whatever the dream might figure out for her. Though what happened made her jump and nearly shriek. _

_A silken drawl, though without the coldness she was used to hearing, came just an inch from her ear saying, "Miss Granger, what are you doing in my classroom at this hour?" _

_As so many other times, though in this dream she willingly admitted it, his voice sent pleasant shivers down her spine. I couldn't hurt, admitting such a thing in a dream, right? _

"_Can't find your tongue, hmm? Let me help you…" he drawled again, hinting his usual sarcasm, though not as rough. _

_She felt how something tightened in her stomach, just before the man who stood behind her swirled her around. Her breath got caught in her throat as she looked into those dark, forbidden eyes. The depths, the secrets, it all lured her closer and closer to his face, to his sneering mouth, to his lips. _

_Before the soft impact of their lips, she closed her eyes. The kiss made her gasp; such tenderness and teasing in hinting the hidden passion. He deepened the kiss, making her moan. The way he swept his tongue over her lips, the nibbling with his teeth, the sudden, so un-Snape-ish gentleness as he stroke her cheek with one of his hands. _

_He broke apart shortly after they started, staying just millimetres from her lips, murmuring: _

"_Let me show you, little witch, how those words you spoke in your mind may affect you. Oh the pleasure I will find in showing you how wrong you can be…" _

_She stiffened. What words? Her cheeks went pink and her eyes wide. She didn't know what he meant, but one thing she had picked up was that he was going to do something. But what? _

"_Hmm…Why don't you come and see?" The silken murmur asked her as she opened her eyes, not remembering that she had closed them. It took awhile for her to realize that he could read her mind. In this dream, anyway. _

"_W-w-what will you do?" she asked, unsteady. He smirked at her before stepping even closer, pressing his body against hers. She gasped in surprise as she felt something hard poking her stomach. Her cheeks burned bright red by then, as she fought to keep her mind clear. _

_He took advantage of her weakened state and pushed her roughly against the desk she stood by. She groaned in pain as she was forced onto the surface of the table. _

"_This could very well happen if you succeeded with damaging my control," he mumbled as he started to unbutton her white school shirt, "So if you try and come near me, Miss Granger, think twice!" _

_Somehow, she couldn't struggle. Somehow, she felt as if she didn't want to. In some way, she really wanted him to lose control. _

_END OF DREAM FLASHBACK_

In effort to keep her mind clear, Hermione shook her head and pushed the memories of the dream into the back of her head. She had classes, and she didn't want to be distracted all day.

Just as she rounded the corner to the Transfiguration's classroom, Hermione bumped into something black. Letting a small 'ouff' escape from her as she fell to the floor, Hermione growled in frustration. This was just what she needed; a perfect start of the day. The only thing she needed to make this day any worse was the sight of Professor Dumbledore if she looked up. Fortunately, or unfortunately, it wasn't him.

"Miss Granger, I, and probably the rest of this school, would appreciate if you could watch where you're going! 10 points from Gryffindor."

Hermione winced as she looked up to meet the dark, cold eyes of Professor Snape. 'Great,' she thought, 'why couldn't it have been Dumbledore?' With one last curse going through her mind, she stood up, brushing the dust from her skirt and straightening her school robe.

"I am truly sorry Professor Snape; I was in deep thought. It won't happen again," she said as she felt her cheeks turn hot when she noticed him studying her from top to toe. He wore a thoughtful expression, and for a minute, those eyes look suspiciously as they had in her dream…

At that thought, she blushed even deeper. He must've sensed her distress, because he looked away at that moment, fixing his slightly unfocused gaze on the window to his right.

"Very well, Miss Granger, you are dismissed," he drawled, looking back at her with a bored expression, hiding whatever real emotion he seemed to feel. The one showing in his eyes.

Hermione hesitated before collecting the famous Gryffindor courage and looked up to meet his eyes.

"I hope you get better soon. By the look of it; you'll be back teaching soon, right?"

He looked at her, startled, before answering in his usual, sarcastic tone.

"I doubt that, Miss Granger. Do you really think I would like to teach those dunderheads after what happened last night? And as it is, appearances are deceptive."

She nodded, feeling her cheeks burn hot again. He could make her feel so stupid, sometimes. But she guessed she got away quite well; considering how Neville must feel…

Hermione watched as Snape walked away, continuing his way towards, by the look of it, Dumbledore's office. Just before he rounded the corner leading towards the staircases, he turned around.

"5 points to Gryffindor for helping a teacher when needed, Miss Granger. I guess I shall say thank you."

Hermione gaped at him in surprise. Did _Snape_ just give 5 points to Gryffindor? Did he just say _thank you_?

The smug smirk he gave her before disappearing from her sight made her close her mouth. Great, now she felt even more stupid. And for some odd reason, she felt angry over herself for acting like such a total idiot. She sighed heavily as she started walking again. All this was probably that damned dream's fault.

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_A/N: Sooo, even if this story is completed please review :) I, myself, am one of those who reviews every chapter and feel guilty about it coz I think the author will get some kind of attack at my spamming...but you needn't worry! I love lots and lots and looots of reviews :) _


	4. Guarder of a Treasure

A/N: To all my lovely reviewers; thank you! I was afraid that the dream Hermione had would be too rushed. But maybe it wasn't :) Anyway, read and review, as always!

Oh, and thanks to those who point out spelling/grammar errors :) I kinda need it..hrm.. ;P

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I Find Comfort In Pain

Chapter 4, Guarder of a Treasure.

Severus entered the Headmaster's office with what felt like very, very unsettled nerves. How was it that he just had said thank you to The-Worst-Know-It-All in this whole godforsaken so-called school? And not just that, he had given her _house points_! 'I'm definitely losing it' was the last thing he thought before shutting down his mind; making it as blank as possible.

He didn't want the twinkling mad-man to know about these…new thoughts. Firstly because Severus was sure that he would figure out what it all meant before he himself could. And that was an irritating thought.

"Ah, Severus, splendid! How do you feel, m'boy?"

Severus rolled his eyes at the all-too-happy-giddy attitude that greeted him when he stopped in front of the light wooden desk belonging to the silver-bearded man sitting behind it. How was it that this man's good mood never ceased? Well, except in the gravest subjects. The man tended to be less giddy then.

"Just wonderful. After two _Crucio_ curses and Stinging hexes, and some more, you've never felt better."

Severus answered with as much sarcasm as he could muster; his mood was raptly turning worse for ever second.

"Now, now Severus…"

Dumbledore said; his giddy expression lost. That made Severus slightly nervous. Bad news, perhaps? He hoped not; he hated it. Especially when it involved him…

"I see I should get to my point now, seeing it as I can't get your mood to lighten up."

Severus frowned in puzzlement at Dumbledore's statement. Since when did he ever try to get Severus mood lighten up? He had at least never noticed the man trying.

"Sir? What exactly is your point?"

He finally asked, as he took the hint of starting the conversation himself.

"Well, you see Severus, last night… At the meeting… You said you heard Voldemort discuss something with one of the more loyal Death Eaters? In a foreign language?"

Dumbledore explained while piercing Severus with his blue eyes. Severus stiffened as he tried to remember what the Dark Lord had sounded like while speaking the foreign language, but the memory was too dim by now.

Nodding his head in agreement with Dumbledore's statements, silently asking him to continue, Severus kept his features clear from all emotions.

"And do you remember that I asked you to put the memory in my Pensieve for me to examine?"

Severus thought for one second before nodding once again; yes, he did remember. Though it was hard to remember details. His mind had been fogged by pain and exhaustion.

"Well, I found the part when he spoke to the Death Eater. And what they said, or rather planned, made me deeply concerned."

The grave look in Dumbledore's face and the firm, solemn glow of his eyes, nearly made Severus' blood drain from his face. This was serious.

"What did they plan?"

Severus asked, with the serious tone he felt needed in this situation even though he didn't know what it all was about.

"They have a new spy among us, and they plan on…breaking Mr Potter down further."

Severus gave him a puzzled look, urging him to continue.

"They plan on doing this by hurting the ones he love, the ones he care about. Their main target is, unfortunately, Miss Granger. They did not mention anything about when, how or even who when they spoke about attacks, manoeuvres and so on."

"So you don't have anything? No information that could protect her?"

Severus hated to admit it, but he did feel concerned about what the Dark Lord might try to do towards the Granger girl.

"No, we do not. Though I think we have someone to protect and watch over her."

Severus straightened in alarm. He glared towards the now less grave old man, feeling his blood return to his face.

"I do hope you do not mean me, sir."

Severus stated stiffly, still glaring daggers at the man.

"Well, then I'm sorry to take that hope away, dear boy."

"No, I am not doing it. Why can't McGonagall watch out for her precious little Gryffindor? Why involve me? I don't even like the girl!"

Dumbledore's expression changed into an amused one instead of 'less-grave', which made Severus even angrier. He didn't want to baby-sit one of the Golden Trio's members. And if the other two found out, he himself would be up for a big headache and probably would be sitting and trying to explain why Potter ended up with three arms while Weasley only had one left in this very office.

"Severus, please understand, she is in danger and you are the last person anyone would expect to protect Miss Granger. She needs your help, as I am sure you needed hers last night."

Severus looked at the old man with slightly too wide eyes, but other than that he didn't show his feelings. Of course that ruddy old man would turn this situation against him, lurking out the Slytherin pride and some of the responsibility he had inside of him.

"How did you know she helped me last night?"

"Whatever else would've made you give a whole 5 points to Gryffindor, dear Professor?"

Severus rolled his eyes. That man could be so annoying sometimes; knowing everything that goes on.

"So?"

Severus snorted. Obvious, Dumbledore wanted an answer.

"Yes, I'll do it. But what do I have to do?"

Severus could've sworn he saw the Headmaster's eyes shine mischievously, but when he looked twice, it was gone; replaced with the usual twinkle.

"You'll need to keep an eye on her. Almost 24 hours a day, to be on the safe side."

Severus raised one of his trademark brows in question.

"And exactly how would I manage to do that?"

"Well… Miss Granger is very…ambitious in her school work. So why not start an extra-credit project?"

Severus groaned. Great, now he had to spend most of his free time with the witch that had occupied his thoughts, if only lurking in the corner of his mind, ever since last night.

"I take that as a yes. Don't worry Severus, I will plan the schedule. You'll have to ask her though."

"Alright, but if I get Potter and Weasley after me, then I will not be held responsible if they get one extra limp or something like that."

Dumbledore chuckled while standing up, ready to follow Severus to the door.

"Agreed."

Severus nodded and left for the door with Dumbledore behind.

"I'll talk to her when I'm back teaching in a few weeks. I'm too tired right now."

"I understand. Now you better go off to bed, Poppy will come down and check on you. It was the only thing she would not let you get away with. See it on the bright side though; you don't have to be in the hospital wing."

Severus just snorted as he let the door close behind him. This was going to be a long year. Being a guarder to that girl. Yet a little voice in the back of his head whispered that it maybe wouldn't be an unpleasant experience... Oh, and that only made him angrier, of course.


	5. An extracredit project

I Find Comfort In pain 

Chapter 5, An extra-credit project.

Two weeks had passed, and Hermione hadn't seen Professor Snape in all that time. Not even at meals. Where had he gone to? His quarters? Why in the name of god did he spend all that time in his quarters? Surely he didn't spend all that time…alone?

Hermione's thoughts were interrupted as she almost fell forwards. Something had hit her in her head. Something hard. Angry, Hermione turned around, ready to lecture the person that had dared to throw something at her. It hurt damned well.

"What do you think you're…"

Hermione trailed off as she saw Peeves do a loop in the air, ready to throw another nasty thing at her. She ducked, and felt the wind blow as the thing passed her head, nearly hitting the target, and then heard a 'crash' as it hit the ground.

"Peeves! Stop it!"

Hermione yelled, jumping from the left to the right as Peeves played bomber, adding some sound like 'bruum', 'boom' to make it more real.

"Little Ugly Hermy-Know-It-All,

Not so innocent, sucking Weasel's ba--.

Peeves is going to make you pretty,

With some of his mind's famous witty!"

Hermione winced at the nickname, hating it ever since early childhood, and at his bad language. Peeves grinned as he did one last loop before taking off towards her. Hermione yelped and started running; hoping she would meet a teacher. Or a ghost. Or something!

Unfortunately, her hasty wish did come true.

All she saw was the similar black whirl of robes, not capable of stopping in time, before she hit the same hard, warm chest she had done weeks ago.

"Miss Granger!"

The man sneered, gasping for air, as he tried to keep balance.

"I'm sorry Professor, but Peeves…"

Hermione didn't get the chance to finish, for Peeves had found them.

"Ohh… They batty old bat from the dungeons finding it hard to keep his greasy hands off Miss Potty's friend?"

Hermione grimaced at the tone Peeves used. And by a quick glance in Professor Snape's way, she knew Peeves was up for a rough day…or week…okay, year.

"Peeves, I suggest you get your sorry arse out of here before I do something drastic."

Professor Snape growled, in a low, silky voice, making Hermione shiver. He gave her a puzzled look, combined with a raised brow, making sure to her that he had noticed her shiver. Hermione blushed, angry at herself for seeming so childish.

"As you wish, Oh Holy Bat-Rat of the Dungeons!"

Peeves howled, while bowing deeply in midair. Snape – _Professor_ Snape - , Hermione corrected herself, aimed his wand and muttered some hex under his breath which sent Peeves flying into the wall. And surprisingly hitting it with a 'thump'. The poltergeist whirled around and set off in the opposite direction where Hermione and, the now smirking, Professor Snape stood.

"Wow… What was that spell?"

Hermione asked, not thinking long enough to remember that it was Professor Snape she talked to. Well, after the last word left her mouth, she remembered. Her cheeks turned bright red as she glanced nervously at the man still standing close in front of her. To her relief, he still smirked. Though she didn't know if it was because of her, or the simple triumph of getting Peeves on the run.

"That, Miss Granger, is no spell for students. Now, what did that Slimy One do to get you on the run like that? The Head Girl, running in corridors and into a teacher. Twice. Care to explain?"

His black eyes pierced her as she tried to find the words. It was impossible though, considering that she was trying very hard to forget about the knot in her lower stomach. And the shivers that ran up and down her spine. It was a hard task. But finally, she stuttered out an explanation.

"H-he threw something at me... I nearly fell! And then he started chasing me!"

His eyes narrowed as he let his gaze wonder up and down her body, looking slightly worried.

"Exactly what did he throw at you, Miss Granger?"

"Well, I don't exactly know Professor… It was hard though… And when I think about it, it felt like something in glass."

Hermione said while frowning.

"Where did he throw that at you? Show me."

He ordered, waiting for Hermione to react. Which took one or two seconds. It was after all Professor Severus Snape that was worried, or something like that, over what Peeves had thrown at a Gryffindor.

Hermione led him around the corner, and walked a bit up the corridor before spotting a broken vial at the ground.

"Here, I think that is what he threw at me."

Hermione pointed at the vial, which had no liquid smeared around it. Snape bent down and examined the broken glass, carefully avoiding skin-too-skin contact.

Suddenly, he swore and quickly stood up straight, glaring at Hermione. She looked at him with wide eyes. Had she done something? Why was he angry at _her?_

"Miss Granger! Where did the bastard hit you with the vial?"

Hermione jumped at the sharpness of the command, but pointed wordlessly at her neck. He surprised her greatly by gently removing her brown curls. His fingers brushed against her skin, feeling warm and soft, which they certainly didn't look like.

"Bend your head to the right."

Hermione obeyed, though feeling a little embarrassed.

"What are you doing sir?"

Hermione asked as he went looking through his robes for something.

"Peeves threw a 'Pectusoris Adnexus' potion at you. It has no smell or colour. It doesn't even feels like liquid. It feels like air; that is, like nothing."

He muttered as he pulled out a small greenish vial out of his left robe pocket.

"'Pectusoris Adnexus'? Is that the Soul Connection potion?"

Hermione asked; eyes wide as she bent her head at his touch. She gasped as she felt his warm finger smear something cold onto her sensitive skin.

"Yes, it is. He took my last vial; now I have to brew a new batch. Medicamentumi's won't be happy to hear that they'll have to wait another two weeks."

He mumbled, as if mostly talking to himself. Hermione glanced up at him, suddenly feeling very warm and shy. After all, here he was, smearing some kind of antidote, she presumed, gently into her skin; making the hair in the back of her neck rise in pleasure.

"Well, as you are here, I can ask you now instead of waiting for the next Advanced Potions lesson to come."

He said, finishing his caressing of her skin. Hermione looked at him with puzzlement, but before she had the chance to ask, he interrupted her.

"The Headmaster asked me if I would like to take on an extra-credit project with a, what he called it, ambitious student. If 'ask' even defines what he, more correctly, told me to do. Now, the student he meant; apparently is you. Are you interested in an extra-credit project, Miss Granger?"

He drawled, making sure to her that he wasn't going soft. Hermione blushed, though forcing her eyes to look into his; almost regretting it as she noticed the depths of them.

"Err… Yes, I am Professor. When do we start?"

She asked, fighting the urge to just nibble her lip until it bleed.

"That is what I was going to ask the Headmaster, before you bumped into me, that is. 15 points from Gryffindor, Miss Granger. Now, I will talk with you after your lesson this evening. Don't run in the corridors again, Miss Granger."

Snape said, almost sneering. Hermione nodded as she stepped aside to let him pass. She finally allowed herself to bit her lip as his dark robes whirled and brushed against her as he passed; his stride, as usual, very brisk.

'Oh god, this is so going to be a long night…' Hermione thought as she touched the spot where he had been applying the antidote. 'Well, I can always read up on that potion Peeves hit me with… See what effects they have upon people… I've only read about the testing on animals..' Hermione thought as she started walking again, firmly pushing the Professor out of her head. Not succeeding.

* * *

A/N: Okay, how's that:) I finally got started with that extra-credit project ;P At first, I didn't know how to put it in... But I think it went pretty well, didn't it?

So, as always, read and tell me what you think in a review! ;)


	6. A new kind of Veritaserum

A/N: Okay, I'm finally not too tired to answer some of the reviews :) I just came home from the swedish GoF premiére and oh my god! I've never seen such a great movie:D Now, just wait for the fifth movie...hrm... Anyway, here's the answers to the reviews from the last chapter:

Angel of the day: yes, I thought it funny to involve peeves ;) he's just so mean... hehe...and well, yeah, it's only natural for Hermione to be confused over Snape's behaving. I mean, it's not every day you discover feelings for someone like him ;) and his behaving is also kinda natural, don't you think? hehe, anyway, the good parts? well, just wait! they'll come, I promise! just give me some time to work with the story so that it doesn't come out all too rushed.. .. .. ;) not saying that it will take like ages, but, yeah... maybe two chapters or something, or even in the next, who knows:)

septentrion: oh yes, that potion... I'll get there! and well, he can do other things than just that innocent 'rubbing-antidote-against-skin' in the further chapters... oh, err, I mean..hrm ;)

Eddie 1990: hehe, yeah, that's probably what they would like to do... but they ain't gettin' anywhere near me! >;D that's the whole point of being the plotter... MWAHAHA! --make them suffeeer---

selinabln: you're simply too observant! though you'll probably have to wait another chapter or so to get your suspicions confirmed. ---evil grin---

HRInuyashaFan16 and ren and Barb8: thanks you lot:) it's wonderful to know that you're being hooked on the story, and that you like it :) that way, I won't be giving up my writing ;P that thought sometimes crosses my mind... ;) anyway, thanks guys:D

Well, that's that and yeah... just go on and read the chapter ;)

* * *

I Find Comfort In Pain

Chapter 6, A new kind of Veritaserum.

Slowly, as if dreading what awaited them, which they probably did, the Advanced Potions class entered the classroom.

'Already a headache is growing… And Longbottom hasn't even blown up his cauldron yet…' Severus thought as he stood with crossed arms over his chest in front of his desk, eyes searching the weakest. 'Ah, there's Longbottom.. Pairing up with Granger as usual. I've better split them up this lesson, and the following', he thought with an evil grin on his face that made half of the class glance nervously at the door that now closed by Weasley. The one nearly always late. Along with Potter.

"Quiet!"

He demanded, even though no one dared to speak. Probably thinking he was in one of his darker moods. Which he wasn't; he was just in one of his lighter moods, a.k.a mere sarcastic moods.

"Today, and three weeks time forward, we will be working with a very difficult potion. Don't ask me why The English Agency for Magical Education thinks that you could even manage this potion at Advanced level. But as it is, you'll have to know about this potion's ingredients and effects for your NEWT's."

He watched with glee how most of the students gulped or looked down at their feet.

"We will first of all go throw all the ingredients and all their properties. You'll have to understand the basics if you even want to come anywhere near the real brew of Veritaserum."

The class looked at him with wide eyes. They probably didn't suspect such a difficult brew as Veritaserum. Personally, Severus thought the brew was too dangerous to teach those dunderheads about. Back in his own school-years, Sirius Black had screwed up that potion and ended up making the whole class spill out their deepest secrets. That memory still lingered with sour pain in his mind.

"Now, stop gaping like dead fishes and open your textbooks at page 238!"

He snapped after letting his earlier words sink down. The class went diving for their books in a jerky move as his eyes wandered around the room.

"Mr Longbottom, you'll pair up with Mr Malfoy. Miss Granger, pair up with Miss Parkinson."

Severus snapped, feeling that this lesson might not be as bad as he had feared. He saw how Malfoy paled when Longbottom sat down his bag with a quiet bang. Oh how Severus enjoyed every moment he could put that arrogant brat into his place. Well, that didn't happen all too often, considering his position in the Death Eaters' rank.

"I want you to take the first five ingredients and place them in front of you. Go on!"

The class obeyed, not wanting to spend the next two hours with a-very-pissed-off-Snape. He could understand them, though from his point of view, it was all kind of amusing.

The next half-hour of the lesson went on smoothly. The class examined the five ingredients, wrote down their names, properties and important part in the potion.

Finally, after another half-hour, Severus called for their attention.

"You all should be done with noting. Now, I want you to add these five ingredients as written in the book. After that, leave them boiling for ten minutes before adding unicorn hair. That will make it last longer since you won't be finishing it before the Christmas break. Make sure to follow the book, otherwise the potion will be destroyed. Get on with it!"

He glared around the crowd of students that now were lightening the fire under their cauldrons. His eyes stopped at the brushy-haired Gryffindor who now tried to get Pansy out of her way. He couldn't help it; his eyes seemed to be dragged towards that incredibly irritating, mind-intruding Know-It-All.

As he sat down, still watching Miss Granger out of the corner of his eye, the class got started with their potion.

During the next half-hour, he met her eyes twice. Each time she blushed into a pretty shade of red mixed with pink. He wondered why. Maybe she had been reading up on the Soul Connection potion. That was probably it; it seemed like something the bright Gryffindor would do.

As Severus was about to lean back into his chair, Malfoy let out a yelp. Severus' eyes went wide as he stood up and as quickly as possible nearly ran over to Longbottom's and Malfoy's

seats.

"What the hell do you think you are doing boy!"

Severus growled, making the boy pale into a dangerous shade of white. His potion was clear as water, but the steaming mist that rose and spread through the room was as green as the grass.

Severus took out his wand and with a wave the thick mist disappeared along with the brew.

"How many of you inhaled the steam?"

He snapped, as his eyes pierced the boy into the floor. He really seemed to want to sink through the floor anyway.

At Severus question, Malfoy, Longbottom, Granger and Parkinson raised their hands. He sighed, knowing exactly what had gone wrong.

"Longbottom, how is it that you managed to make the exact same mistake as Black did? It is beyond me how someone one screw this first step of the potion up, when it only was _five_ ruddy ingredients! 50 points from Gryffindor!"

He almost yelled, but controlled his voice enough to make it sound angry instead of bloody furious.

He quickly told all of them to wait as he swept into his storeroom, looking for an antidote that he had brewed some years ago. Just in case this event would ever repeat itself. Lucky that one.

"Mr Malfoy, Longbottom and all of you, come up here!"

Severus gave them the antidote, hoping it would work. He really didn't feel like having the Headmaster after him this week.

As the line ceased, it was Miss Granger turn. She looked nervous, nibbling her lower lip and her blush still lingering there on her slightly round cheeks.

"Drink this, Miss Granger. It's the last, so make sure you get some of it in you."

She swallowed the greyish liquid he had named 'Argentum antidote'. Argentum meaning 'silver', as that was the colour when he made it.

"The class is dismissed. And Mr Longbottom, you've got detention for a week with Filtch."

Severus felt how his lips curled into a smirk as he watched the pale boy exit his classroom.

"Miss Granger! I want a word with you."

He had nearly forgotten, after this Veritaserum incident, about her.

As the class left, sending Miss Granger sympathetic looks, though Potter and Weasley only glared at Severus before giving the girl a small smile. However, she didn't seem to notice.

"Yes, Professor?"

She asked timid.

"I have talked with the Headmaster. The schedule is done. We will meet onFridays and Sundays, 8pm too 11pm at Fridays and 3pm too 6pm at Sundays. Starting today, 8pm. Any questions?"

He talked in a low, silken voice, as he was used to do. Though this time, he had more warmth behind. Which greatly annoyed him. He hadn't meant for it to come out that nice. Then again, neither had he wanted to award her points for helping him, or applying the antidote when she could've gone to Pomfray. He was greatly confused, but for now, he let it slip.

"No… But sir, that potion Neville destroyed; didn't you inhale that greenish steam too?"

She looked at him with what seemed as worried eyes. Severus cursed himself. Yes, he had inhaled it. He just hadn't thought of it. Dammit.

"Yes, I did."

He answered, making sure she couldn't read his emotions. How the hell was he going to make it all day with this mind truth liquid running through his veins?

"But… You said I took the last antidote…"

"Yes, you did."

"But… What are the side effects of the potion? You must know, since you'd a brew of antidote, sir."

Severus sighed. Nothing went passed this girl. Of course, he could've told her off in his usual manner, but that thought didn't apply to him right now.

"It makes you say whatever you are thinking out aloud. But only the truth. So, basically, you can't think a lie, because you can't say a lie."

Hermione stared at him with wide eyes, probably thanking whatever god there was that she had had the antidote. And then, the second later, she blinked and seemed to remember that he hadn't taken it.

"Oh… But… How long will it take until it wears off?"

"One too two days."

After that, it went quiet. Severus once again met Hermione's eyes, this time though, she held it. Her chocolate brown eyes seemed to glow in a strange way. It seemed familiar.

She herself seemed to be a little off tracks, Severus noted, as she nearly stared dreamily at him. He started to get uncomfortable. It was like a heat was building. He knew what it was, yet he couldn't place it. And as she started to step up closer to him, as if in a trance, he felt as if being thrown off into somewhere else. Just… Somewhere else.

And then there it was. A soft kiss, sweetly tasting. He closed his eyes, wanting more. His mind was shut off, he couldn't think. And neither did the girl in front of him seem able to do. But after the first brush of tongues, he pulled away.

Severus looked down at Hermione, feeling slightly dizzy. Her eyes were shining, glowing in some strange strong way, and her lips were a little pink from the kiss. His kiss.

"I think you should leave, Miss Granger."

Hermione nodded her head, blushing madly as she turned around to leave. Severus looked after her as she neared the door. But when she had her hand at the knob, she turned around to face him.

"See you at eight then, Professor?"

It wasn't meant as a question; he knew that as she quickly fumbled the door open and shut it softly behind her when she left.

'_Dear sweet mother of Merlin!_ _Did I just_ kiss _a student? Not just any student, but_ Hermione Bloody Granger! _And I enjoyed it…_ No, _no I can not think of it like that. No, I will clear my mind, after a_ very _cold shower, and_ _then prepare for our work tonight. Yes, I will do that_' Severus thought as he made his way towards his office.


	7. The first meeting

I Find Comfort In Pain

Chapter 7, The first meeting.

"FUCK!" Severus bellowed, kicking his chair so that it fell to the floor with a crack. He had been preparing for the meeting, or what to call it, with Miss Granger. He had sorted out papers, calmly, and written down assignments until he remembered that he hadn't checked if the potion steam he had inhaled was in any way even affecting him.

He had looked up at his shelves, crowded with slimy things in jars, and thought of how utterly disgusting it really was, yet fascinating. Considering the thing those objects could do if mixed right in a simple potion… He had waited for the words to come out, but nothing came. At first, he was relived, but then when Miss Granger opened the door, an absurd idea flew through his mind.

He had asked her to sit down, and he had explained that he would just take a sample of her blood to examine. She had asked why, and he had told her off with a 'just going to check if the antidote worked'. He checked, froze, then checked again. No, there was no denying it. The potion ran through her veins like the bloody muggle vehicles called cars on a highway. He checked one third time, and found the leftovers from the antidote he had given her earlier that day. The Argentum antidote.

He frowned, then took a sample of his own blood, aware of the annoying little girl in the background. Maybe not little, but anyway, he waived his wand to examine his sample. What he saw made him kick his chair to the ground.

-----

Hermione jumped as the unexpected sound of Professor Snape bellowing and of a chair being thrown to the ground. She blinked at the, by the look of it, furious Potions Master with a slight tingle of fear.

She had been scared enough of seeing him again after she'd kissed him, but when she came in here he seemed distracted and had asked her for a blood sample. And now, here she was, the fear rising again.

"Sir? Are you alright?"

She asked, telling herself that she was after all Gryffindor.

"No, I'm not fine and neither are you."

Hermione frowned. She was perfectly fine, unless he would do something now… She shook her head before sending him a puzzled look, well aware of the slight blush colouring her cheeks.

"What do you mean, Professor?"

He sighed, trying to control his panic. He wasn't furious, though he happily let the girl think so rather than exposing his panic. It was, in his eyes, a weakness.

"The potion Longbottom made, or rather destroyed, hasn't affected me."

"Well, isn't that good, sir?"

He waived his wand before answering, sending the chair up straight, and sat down.

"No, it isn't. I checked your blood, and I saw only half of the antidote I gave you."

Hermione stayed silent, knowing there was more to be said.

"But I also saw the Pectusoris Adnexus active. Very. Much. Active. The antidote I gave you for that, isn't anywhere to be found."

His voice was low, silky as always, but had a grim tone in it. Hermione, who tried to ignore the sound of his voice, plus the memory of the kiss, was a little too distracted to connect with what he had just told her. God she was a mess.

"Pectus-what?"

She asked, looking at him in a way that reminded him all too much about her friend, Weasley, when asked a question in class.

"The Soul Connection potion Granger! The potions, whose nature is to connect souls for almost an entirety! Only one antidote works for those whose souls are already connected, and that one is extremely difficult to make, not to mention dangerous for its Dark Magic!"

Hermione stared wide eyed at him as he ran a hand through his hair, his voice still ringing in her ears as she finally realized what the hell he was on about. Which made her gasp and grab the desk she stood by to not fall down on the floor.

"And just to make it all better" Severus said, voice as silky as possible, almost sickening sweet, "I found that potion in my blood too. But I found none of the potion Longbottom did, only the antidote I gave you for it. You know what that means, Miss Granger?"

Hermione nodded, swallowing the lump in her throat before answering.

"It means that somehow the antidote I took for Neville's potion got over to you… And that the Soul Connection potion is still in me, but also in you that… Shite! Our souls are somehow connected! How!"

Severus thought, but couldn't remember anything that could've been the reason as to why this happened, or how.

"Let's see… You were chased by Peeves through the halls, I was on my way to the Headmaster, still angry for Peeves stealing my last vial of that damned potion, and you ran into me. You said he threw that potion at you… I took out the antidote and smeared it onto your skin before the potion made your soul connect with someone's… I don't remember anything more. Do you, Miss Granger?"

Hermione sat down by one of the desks and thought about that day. It was mainly dizzy; the only clear part was the one of him smearing that damned potion on…

"Maybe when you smeared it on? Could it be that?"

Severus shook his head.

"No, I had the antidote on my fingers. This isn't working. Come, Miss Granger, I'm afraid that our first meeting will be replaced by a visit with the Headmaster."

Severus stated while standing up and gesturing for her to follow him. Hermione stood up and walked with him to the fireplace.

"Albus Dumbledore's office!"

Severus said as he threw the green powder into the fire. As he stepped into the flames, Hermione jumped in and clung to his arm. In a swirl of green flames, they travelled to the Headmaster office.

As they stepped out of the fireplace in the office, Severus looked down at Hermione with a raised brow.

"And why, pray tell, didn't you just wait to floo by your own? Surely that can't be a too difficult of a task for you, Miss Granger?"

Hermione blush, ready to let the stupid 'it was just an impulse' slip out of her mouth, but thankfully the Headmaster interrupted from his desk where he currently was sitting.

"Now, now Severus."

He said, making Hermione choke on her laugh. Severus glared at her before turning his gaze to Dumbledore.

"So, what brings me the honour? Having trouble with the project?"

Dumbledore quickly asked, feeling that Severus glare did have a little too heavy edge sometimes.

"I think trouble could be a name for it."

Severus drawled while crossing his arms over his chest. Dumbledore nodded as he gestured for them to sit down on the two chairs in front of his desk.

"So, problem?"

Dumbledore asked, urging Severus to continue.

"As I told you, earlier this day, Peeves threw the Soul Connection potion at Miss Granger. I gave her the antidote, and she seemed to be fine. Though, at the lesson today, Mr Longbottom managed to make the same mistake as Black did; turning the Veritaserum's first stage into a green-steaming version. Miss Granger, Mr Malfoy and some others, inhaled the steam. Fortunately I still had some of that silvery antidote left to give them. I gave the last drop to Miss Granger, but I forgot that I too had inhaled the steam.

But later, when I was preparing for Miss Granger's special project, I thought of trying if the potion really affected me. I didn't work, when I tried to prove that I was affected. When Miss Granger came, I got an idea. I took her blood sample and found that she only had half of the antidote I gave her for the Veritaserum. I also found the Soul Connection potion.

I took a sample of my own blood, and saw that I had no trace of the potion Mr Longbottom made, but I had the Soul Connection potion in my blood. I even had the other half of the silvery antidote. That's the problem."

Dumbledore frowned as he pinched his nose in thought.

"So you mean that Miss Granger and you are Connected by this potion? Isn't there an antidote for connected souls?"

Hermione stared at the Headmaster. Didn't he know about the antidote Professor Snape had told her about minutes earlier?

"Yes, there is. But it's dangerous and extremely difficult…"

"Well, that hasn't stopped you before, now has it?"

Dumbledore interrupted, his blue eyes worried.

"No, it hasn't. But this potion involves Dark Magic."

Severus explained, feeling uncomfortable about the subject. The antidote was one of his private projects he had finished long ago, while still a Death Eater. It worked, he had made it to absolute perfection. But it was still dangerous, especially for someone as innocent as Miss Granger.

"I think the best is if we take it all from the beginning. Like; how do you think you got connected?"

Dumbledore said while leaning forwards to put his elbows on the desk. Severus told him about how it all had happened, with Peeves, and how he had smeared the antidote on her skin.

Hermione was only half listening when the two of the men started to discuss the possibilities. She was deep in thought, trying very hard to remember what had happened.

He had been examining the vial, she remembered. And he had been very careful as to not touch the glass not the, to her, invisible potion. Her thoughts wandering away and thinking about how good he is with potions, Hermione sighed. When the both men looked at her with puzzled looks, she blushed and mumbled an excuse.

When they returned to their discussion, she went back to trying to remember.

He had asked her where the vial had hit her, and he had taken a look at her neck. Hermione shivered as she thought of those fingers, those who only brushed by her skin for a second or two…

"Shite!"

Hermione shrieked, realization coming upon her. He had touched her skin before he took on the antidote! But it was so briefly, could it really be that? _'Of course, Hermione'_, she thought, _'wake up! This is the magical world! Anything is possible! Well, almost…'_

"Care to explain your little outburst, Miss Granger?"

Dumbledore asked friendly. Hermione blushed, realizing she had cursed in front of the Headmaster and _him._ Well, Professor Snape had already cursed in front of her, so she supposed it was fine.

"Err… So sorry sir, but I think I know how it happened…"

Dumbledore listened as she explained, her cheeks burning, and finally nodded.

"I think the best is if you continue with this project. And Severus? Help Miss Granger become more…ready for the antidote. If I've understood you right, the antidote demands less innocent…?"

Severus nodded, feeling his own cheeks heat up. Though he doubted it showed, considering his superb talent of hiding his feelings.

"Well then. This only took an hour, so you can go back and continue with your project. Severus, you can explain for Miss Granger about the antidote, I don't think she heard out discussion. You may leave. Good Evening, Miss Granger."

Hermione stood up as Professor Snape did, and bid the Headmaster a good evening as she walked over to the fireplace.

Severus looked down at her with a raised brow, as if challenging her to hang on him again while flooing. Hermione blushed, but as Gryffindor as she was, she grabbed his arm as he flooed to 'Professor Snape's office'.

* * *

A/N: so, finally. this chapter cleared up a bit of the mess I've been trying to get straight. now, only emotions, some plot and lots of jummy stuff ahead :P just wait and see, they can't very well start snogging the first time, now can they? think of who they are, hermione and snape... it'll take some time -evil grin- I love torturing you... ehurm.. anyway, read and review! 


	8. Sorting out feelings

A/N: okay, some of you maybe got a little confused aboutthe potions and antidotesin the last chapter. I'll try to work that out for you now.

Firstof all, Hermione got hit by Peeves with the Soul Connection potion (alsonamed thePectusoris Adnexus potion). Snape rubbed the antidote onto her skin, but it didn't work because he had already touched her so they were already connected. And the antidote only works on the person _before_ the soul is connected. But our clever Potions Mater has an antidote for connected souls, but it is dangerous.

Secondly, the incident in the classroom when Nevill screwed up the first stage of Veritaserum. Once again our sexy Potions Master had an antidote to save the world..err...students from days of mind-telling truth. The last of the antidote, the'Argentum', he gave to Hermione. He had inhaled Nevill's potion too but he forgot. -poor baby...not- So when he found out that he didn't have any of Neville's potion in his blood he realized that he and Hermione were connected. Because Hermione had taken the antidote (Argentum) but she had only half of the dose he gave her, and he saw that he had the other half. So, in some way, the Soul Connection potion transferred the antidote to Snape.

okay, I don't know if I confued you even more by writing that, or if I helped you out... Anyway, sorry if it's a little confusing... I'm surprised that even I can hold this together! Anyway, I stick to the plot...getting Snape and Hermione together before I turn 98... hehe, bad one... hrm, anyway, read and review!

oh and have I mentioned that I love you guys? You rock :D I love the reviews.. ;)

* * *

I Find Comfort In Pain

Chapter 8, Sorting out feelings.

Hermione walked into Gryffindors' common room with tired eyes. She had just been to dinner, after spending three hours in Professor Snape's private potions lab. He had brewed the Pectusoris Adnexus potion, a.k.a The Soul Connection potion, with a little help of Hermione. Though all she'd done was handing him the ingredients. It had been interesting to watch the Master at work though, Hermione thought.

He had told her that the batch of Soul Connection potions was being sent to the Medicamentumi. Some sort of organization within the Ministry who researched about potions and such.

It had been about two weeks since their first meeting, and Hermione had gotten nothing out of Professor Snape about what she had to do to survive taking the antidote, as she had heard Dumbledore and him talking about her 'needing to do'. He just told her he was working on another solution. This wasn't helping her solving things in anyway, the way he kept going around the questions.

After meeting the second time, a week earlier, Hermione had been stunned and almost numb when he had invited her to his private, _private_, only that meant something, lab. It had taken her one or two seconds to respond, and when she managed to get the words out of her stupid mouth, she had stuttered like a bloody first year.

Hermione sighed in frustration as she sat down in one of the armchairs by the fireplace. Ginny was sitting opposite her, and Hermione felt a smile lurk in the corner of her lips as her friend walked over to her.

"Hello 'Mione. You look terrible, what's up?"

Hermione sighed once again, even louder, and shrugged. She had told Harry and Ron about her extra-credit project last week, and they had taken it with too much difficulty, seeing it as they still ignored her time to time or argued. She was too tired to care, or even bother making them see reason. But that wasn't her only 'problem'.

Since that first night, after the dream she'd had about Professor Snape and her in the potion's classroom…Hermione had been dreaming. But not dreams like…err…_that _one had been. It was strange. The dreams she now had was…she couldn't quite describe it… Sweet wasn't the word for it. Nor creepy. It was just voices. Or rather; voice. It murmured nonsense into her ear. At least it sounded like nonsense.

The voice told her things, things she didn't remember in the morning. All she could remember was the feeling that those tales and words left her with. One time sorrow, one time regret, one time angry. Hermione just couldn't understand. And the fact that she had her extra-credit project to think of, and Harry and Ron, didn't make anything better.

"Boys!"

Hermione finally spat out as she stood up and started to pace in front of the fireplace. Hermione felt that she needed to talk, to yell. Anything. As she glanced quickly in the red headed girl's way, she saw Ginny raise a brow at her friend, but she seemed to patently wait until Hermione spilled it out. So she did. Kind off.

"It's just an extra-credit project for god's sake! Why can't they just get it? It's going to be in my potions final grades! And believe it or not; I'm not brilliant at potions! I need it! I want top grades! Who cares if it is with Professor Snape! It's my bloody life! And what do they do? Yell at me, complain, sulk, ignore! I'm so angry Ginny! And confused! All these things going on… It's a nightmare! My feelings are like…like…like a bloody hurricane!"

Ginny stared at her, trying to grasp the new, interesting, information a frustrated Hermione spat out. She closed her mouth after carefully thinking and then cleared her throat to get a now lost-in-thoughts dreamy Hermione's attention.

"Well, I think Harry and Ron are just overreacting...but…tell me… What exactly is this project about then? I'm curious. And what feelings? Please don't tell me you've got a crush on Ron?"

Hermione laughed. Ginny sounded like some kinder version of Rita Skeeter. Ginny gave her a puzzled look as Hermione sat down the carpet in front of the fireplace, gesturing for Ginny to do the same.

"Well, yeah… They do overreact! The project, sorry for not telling you this earlier but it slipped my mind, hrm, yeah, it's about a rare antidote to a not so rare potion. It's really very interesting, you know… I love reading about it, and researching, to find answers. But I'm not sure if I'll be able to do all the practical work. I think I'll manage, but I'll never get near Professor Snape's skills. But I love the researching. And it's really easy, when you've got Professor Snape's whole private library."

Ginny poked Hermione in her ribs, giving her a disgusted face.

"Don't get all giddy now 'Mione; you're babbling and it's note like you. And I hate books, so don't go dreaming away about that library when around me 'cause you seem to talk in your sleep sometimes."

Hermione rolled her eyes, but couldn't help but agree with her. This wasn't like her at all.

"Mmm… Right…"

"C'mon 'Mione! How is he?"

Hermione blinked, getting back to reality after a second in the clouded place of her mind.

"Err… How's who?"

Ginny made a grimace and shook her head.

"Hermione! I thought you were smart. _Snape_ of course!"

Hermione blushed and shrugged.

"Well... He's… Different… Not nice, but…err…but he's not like he's in class though."

Hermione answered as she sunk into deep thoughts, leaving Ginny frowning at her in silence. Thoughts about everything. Mostly her problems…dreams and such.

She felt so confused, and she couldn't seem to make up her mind or decide. Her feelings and brain, Hermione decided, was entangled and just not sane. The way she seemed to drift away at the most unexpected times and dream. It just wasn't her.

"Sooo…. That was what you meant with confused feelings?"

Ginny stated innocently, startling Hermione.

"Err.. What?"

Hermione was blushing, but she tried to control it as Ginny grinned.

"Wow! All signs are there! Getting all dreamy-eyed and giddy…babbling away… The sudden turn of vocabulary about our gitty Professor…Kind and such… And you're blushing! Oh, and let me guess… Something interesting, from my point of view, has happened?"

Hermione bit her lip as she look into the fire, watching the flames play. Why couldn't Ginny be as stupid as her brother?

"Well… He _is_ nicer… Maybe he's just…more relaxed when not around people like Neville?"

Hermione tried to dismiss, but Ginny snorted as she faced Hermione with a piercing look.

"Yeah, riiight. 'Mione, spit it out, will you?"

Hermione sighed. Why not?

"Promise not to tell anyone, 'cause I'll get into trouble if you do."

Ginny shook her head while smiling.

"I'm a master at keeping secrets looked up; good or bad. I'm Fred and George's little sister, remember?"

Hermione gave her a weak smile as she wondered silently how to start.

"Okay… Hrm… From the beginning then…"

Hermione began, before telling Ginny about everything. Peeves, the potion, even the kiss. It ended with Hermione even spilling out her confused, messy feelings. Ginny patted Hermione sympathetically on her shoulder as Hermione breathed in and out slowly to calm herself.

"So, you like him, huh?"

Ginny asked quietly as Hermione hugged her knees tight.

"How can I? All the things he's said, done… And remember in out fourth year! That bastard!"

Hermione spat out, trying to fight the truth Ginny was lightly stating. As the silence grew, after Hermione's outburst, she finally gave up with a groan.

"I'm soo falling for him, aren't I?"

Ginny grinned while she clapped her hands together.

"Totally! With this speed, you'll be half way down to hell by the end of this year."

Hermione felt the corner of her mouth jerk upwards before she turned to face Ginny with a nervous expression.

"So it's okay with you?"

"What?"

"Well… The fact that I'm, err, kinda falling for Snape? The greasy git? The snarky bat?"

Ginny shook her head.

"No. I mean, he's awful and all… Not even good-looking… But you're right. He risks his life while spying for the Order, so he can't be all that bad. And I guess that with his looks, and, heard this one from Harry, the way he's been treated by it, he's just bound to act as gitty mean as he does."

Hermione smiled as she stretched out her legs and yawned. Her head was already beginning to relax after the tension of all the confusion. It really helped to be honest with oneself.

"Thanks Gin… That meant a lot to me…"

Hermione said quietly as she looked over to Ginny, who was smiling.

"Well, yeh, what are friends for? But promise me one thing…"

Ginny said as she grinned evilly. Hermione frowned; this always meant trouble one way or another.

"What?"

"Update me on news about what's happening between you and Snape, if it ever gets that far…"

Ginny said as Hermione blushed a deep shade of red.

"Really Ginny! You shouldn't…"

"Oh come on 'Mione! Promise? I helped you…

"Ginny…"

"I may slip a word at breakfast while Harry is available…or worse…even Ron!"

Hermione gave her a horrid expression as she shook her head violently.

"No, no, no, no…"

"Promise?"

Hermione sighed, giving in.

"Fine, I promise. Now, not a word, understood?"

"Yes m'am!"

Ginny said happily as she stood up, helping Hermione get up from her tricky position. The girls bid good night and went to sleep. Hermione once again haunted by the strange dream, with the low voice telling her stories. Yet she slept calmly, deep and sweet. Good thing that, considering what…shocking…realization she would get in the morning.


	9. Realization and research

I Find Comfort In Pain

Chapter 9, Realization and research.

Hermione woke up the next morning with a muffled scream. She had her head buried in her pillow.

A realization had drawn upon her, when she had awakened from the light half-asleep dreamy state she had been in. Dream. Dreams. Voice. Memory of what it had told her. It had finally clicked.

Hermione was panting, head spinning with the new information that could be true, that had to be true. All the logic, everything made sense.

This morning, she had remembered what that voice had said; she also knew who the owner was. Professor Severus Snape.

The voice, or rather his voice, had whispered to her something that seemed as a memory. His voice had sounded wounded and uncertain. It had given her a strange feeling as if someone twisted her heart around a barbed wire. The memory, or what it was, Hermione couldn't quite place. She knew she'd heard it, she knew she remembered it...but it was just blank when she thought about it.

It was then she had understood what it was all about. The Soul Connection potion. They had to be connected some way or another, even Neville could've figured that out by just going on the name. Soul _Connection_ potion. The next thing Hermione brain had done, was to rummage her memories after an important text she'd read somewhere in a book, of course. It read something like: _'…and the soul is one of our most treasured belongings. There, in that very abstract piece of human, lies our true heart, our true feelings'………'and Professor Halley's theory about our most treasured memories or the worst ones being stored in our soul, kept away from out mind, is very interesting. She believes that the memories we don't want to remember, or the ones we want to have with us forever, are being kept safe in our soul, and this is……'_

She hadn't been able to remember more than that, but it was all that was needed for her mind to snap. What if it was true? What if she was hearing his memories, his feelings? What if he told her, without knowing, everything he seemed to keep locked in so tight? The famous theory about Professor Snape having a wall as strong as the ones surrounding Hogwarts around his heart sneaked its way into Hermione's mind at that moment, after her scream.

Some Gryffindor girls had one night, overheard by Hermione, talked about the infamous Potions Master. Mostly just insulting him, complaining about his looks and ways. Then they started to discuss why he was like he was. The theories had been silly, far fetched, that Hermione started to walk away. But then someone had come up with a possibility that had caught her interest.

"_What if he's like all wrapped up? I mean, it's not like he has someone to share his feelings with. Even guys need that time to time. I mean, yesterday, Tim came to me and like complained and wailed about how irritating and frustrating it was to have Mortimer hanging after him, and Mortimer, what a name, yeck… Anyway, Tim needed to get his anger out. Oh and he was so sweet to me afterwards yah know? All kissy and sweet….Blah blah blah" _

And the endless chatter about boyfriends and such and continued right were it ended. Hermione had been able to think about what they'd said for three minutes or so before she was forced to do homework. But she had kept it in the back of her mind. He did seem to have a lot of anger wrapped up in that delicious body…err…

Hermione cheeks went pink as she shook her head at the thought that passed her mind. It was one thing she had confirmed her feelings and admitted them to herself, and Ginny, but it was still all too new. She hadn't even seen his body!

'Oh but you'd like to, wouldn't you, Hermy?' an unwanted voice whispered in the back of her mind.

'Fine, fine, fine… Just shut up' she told herself, or, err, the voice in her head that was her other self…or…err…yeah…

'So, my soul is connected with Professor Snape's and he talks to me in his sleeps, or rather his soul talks to me. Oh and it just seems to be his memories, the most unwanted by the sound of it… I still feel like crying… Damn my head hurts! I need to sort this out… Library, here I come!' Hermione thought tiredly as she nuzzled her head deeper into her pillow and sniffed in the scent of her shampoo. Apple.

* * *

Hermione was sneaking down to the dungeons, feeling very nervous and stupid. She had been in the library nearly all day, researching about the Soul Connection potion. But all she'd found was the effect on animals, not on humans. She had gotten her question answered later when she read:

'_For the Soul Connection potion to work on humans without any known dangers to happen, the researchers on _Medicamentumi _said, it has to be made to absolute perfection. But we cannot test it on humans before we find an antidote.'_

Hermione was breathing silently, afraid to bump into Slytherins. She had to get to Snape's private library. Yesterday, she'd seen a book that might help her now. When Hermione's mind started to ask herself questions, they had to be answered. It could be really annoying at some times, like now, but she'd lived with it for too long.

'So, what is it that I have to do? What innocent is it that I have to get rid of? Surely not…' Hermione stopped in her tracks, feeling her cheeks heat up. Was it because of that Snape hadn't told her? He always said he was looking for another solution…

'What if he thinks the idea of...with me…disgusting?' Hermione thought as she blinked. All this was taking the wrong turn, she finally decided as she started walking again. If she wanted the answers, the truth…then she had to hurry up. It was midnight, and she didn't want to get caught.

'This is such madness… I'm gonna get caught… He's going to kill me…' Hermione thought as she saw the door leading to Professor Snape's private quarters appear around the corner.

* * *

It had been three weeks since Severus had been given the 'mission' to look after Miss Granger. And during the last two weeks, things had been happening too fast, in his opinion. He hadn't had time to relax, not that he did but at least he had time before.

All his time had gone to either researching on his antidote for the Soul Connection potion or focusing on spying on Herm-Miss Granger.

Severus shook his head as he shut off the shower and stepped out. 'Oh bugger… It's already midnight…' He thought as he went out into his bedroom to get his black underpants. It was a little too chilly down in the dungeons, but he was used to it. He even thought it relaxing to feel the chilling air bite his bare chest as he sat by the unlit fireplace in his living room, reading a book in the dark. His vision was strangely very good when it was dark. He guessed it was because all the nights he'd been correcting essays or sneaking around alleys spying in the dark over the years.

As Severus turned the page in his book, he felt his private wards break. Someone was inside.

* * *

Hermione was sneaking around in the dark, trying to remember which way she would go to come to the library. But it was too dark for her eyes to see anything but shapes of walls and doors.

She made a guess and opened the door to her left, sneaking inside. She nearly gasped as she saw in which room she was in. His _bedroom._ The bed was big, big enough for two she noticed with a blush, and the covers were darker than the room.

'I better get out of here' she thought as turned around and quickly left the room.

After a while, she finally found her way to the living room. She breathed out a sigh as she tried to remember were to go now. Then she almost fell to the floor. He hadn't been in the bed.

'Oh shit… I bet he felt the wards go down…' She thought as she swallowed a lump in her throat. She almost expected him to jump in front of her screaming. Well, she had almost right.

"And what are you doing here, Miss Granger?"

A silken drawl whispered in her ear as Hermione let out a frightened shriek. The fireplace was suddenly lit, making Hermione blink several times to get her eyes used to the sudden light.

"You didn't answer my question."

Severus warned in a low voice, turning Hermione around to face him. She seemed to melt under his glare. Lucky thing he held onto her shoulders, otherwise her knees wouldn't have held her upright at the sight that met her eyes when he had turned her around to face him.

He had black, silken underwear and nothing else. His bare chest looked firm and her fingers itched to run over the pale skin. He looked even taller without his usual teacher robes. He had a lean body, a little too thin, maybe from lack of food or sleep. Or both.

His crooked nose didn't seem to draw Hermione attention, as it had done before. His eyes were too exciting. The blackness, the mysteries. She even seemed to forget that they were glaring at her. The underlying gaze in the glare drew her attention.

"Miss Granger, stop gaping and answer the question!"

He growled as Hermione closed her mouth, which she hadn't known was open.

"Err… W-what?"

Was all she could manage to get out as her mind struggled to stop drooling over her half-naked Professor. He sighed and was about to let go of her shoulders. But as Hermione's knees bent helplessly, he quickly grabbed her again, frowning.

"Are you alright, Miss Granger?"

He asked as Hermione gazed up at him with shiny eyes that seemed to glow in the firelight.

"Miss Granger?"

He said again, gently shaking her to get her attention.

"Wha-yes?"

Severus was getting a little worried. Really, he thought, what is the matter with her?

"Are you alright?"

Hermione blinked as she tried hard not to lick her lips. She wondered how that would look like.

"Err…Yes…"

"Good. Now I'm going to let go of you. Do you think you can stand on your own?"

He drawled.

"Not when you use that voice…"

Hermione mumbled as she blushed and straightened herself.

"What was that?"

Severus asked, truly surprised. She couldn't react like that on just…well…him?

"Err, nothing…"

Hermione mumbled, looking into his eyes.

"Stay here. I'm going to put something on. And don't go anywhere, I want to know what you were doing down here."

Severus said, letting her go and starting to turn away, looking for his robe.

"No!"

Slapping her hands over her mouth as she said it, Hermione blushed deep red. Severus turned around with a raised brow, but to her relief his cheeks showed a little more colour. He was blushing.

He stepped up closer to her, wondering how it was that she reacted this way around him. Sure, she had been blushing a lot around him lately, but this? This wasn't out of fear, like the other times probably was…or was they? He was confused.

As he had been taking one step closer, Hermione had almost raised her arms to pull him close for a kiss. She was still fighting the urge. But as his eyes showed confusion, feelings, she just couldn't help herself.

The kiss was perfect. Not soft this time. This time, Hermione let her passion free. She forgot about rules, about the teacher student taboo. It just wasn't there. And by the respond she was getting, he didn't seem to care either.

'God he's a good kisser…' Hermione thought as he licked and nibbled her bottom lip. She pulled him closer, longing to feel how his bare skin felt like under her hands. At the contact, her warm skin and his cold, she let out a sigh of what sounded like pleasure.

The world span around them. The heated kisses warmed up the chilly air in the dungeons. As Hermione started to get too warm, she unbuttoned her shirt, wanting his hands all over her. Severus hadn't seemed to noticed her unbuttoning, but as she drew his hands towards her bra clad breasts, he tried to break the kiss, mumbling into her lips as she kissed and nibbled.

"Herm-Miss Granger…"

But she cut him off by pressing her breasts against his chest.

"You can call me Hermione…Severus…"

She hissed out his name, making him shudder. But he had been through temptation before, he just had to concentrate a lot more with this one…

"Hermione… First of all… Dammit woman I need to talk with you!"

He stilled her movements by holding her tight against him, making her growl in frustration. 'I have to make this quick' he thought as she started to run her free hand along his side.

"Listen. The antidote. Listen! Good. Now, the antidote for the Soul Connection potions is dangerous. I've been trying to find another way for you to take it and survive, but I haven't. Dammit do you want to know or not?"

Hermione giggled, nuzzling her head into his chest. When he started to pull away, she nodded, dragging him close again.

"Fine. You might've picked up, during the conversation with the Headmaster, that you're too _innocent_. Dumbledore doesn't know what I meant, but it means that…"

"…that I have to lose my virginity. That I have to have sex. And I presume I have to have sex with you for it to work? It's some kind of ritual, isn't it?"

Hermione said muffled, cutting him off. He stared down at the frizzy mass of hair covering her face that for the moment was nuzzling into his chest.

"Yes. It's a Dark Magic ritual. Though the thing is, that you'll have to lose you virginity _before_ the ritual, not during it. And yes, it'll have to be with me. Just give me some time and I'll figure out something else…."

Hermione silenced him by quickly pushing him away just a bit, enough for her to meet his startled gaze.

"Why? Do you think the idea of me..." she breathed in a deep breath, calming her nerves, before continuing, "…and you repulsive?"

Severus blinked, looking down at her with surprise written all over his face.

"W-what? No, but you are my _student,_ and…"

Once again Hermione cut him off.

"You didn't seem to mind that before. It's the only way for the antidote to work…"

"..No, I could find…"

"…The _only_ way…"

Hermione said, making sure to him that she didn't give a damn about rules at the moment. Well, she's never gonna give a damn about _those_ rules anymore.

"Now, please shut up and continue with what you were doing with my neck...it was wonderful."

Hermione said, blushing but not caring. Severus was stunned. And turned on. Too bloody turned on. 'Fuck… I'm so losing this one…' he though as Hermione stood up on her toes to kiss him again.

'Aaa, heaven…' Hermione thought as Severus swirled his tongue in circles on the tender flesh of her neck.

* * *

A/N: wahaha! sorry, I just had to cut it off there...the chapter was getting too long! anyway...how was it? badly written or described? did it went too fast? I sure as hell hope not...I myself don't like it when things goes too fast, as you might've noticed considering the jummy parts are taking their time to show off... anyway, good or bad? need to know! review:) 


	10. The First Time

WARNING!

This chapter will contain some sexual activity.

It will also contain a very naked Potions Master -drool- and Hermione Granger in her whole nakedness.

-dramatic music plays-

You Have been Warned...

* * *

I Find Comfort In Pain

Chapter 10, The First Time.

Hermione didn't know, or care, how she and Severus had ended up in his bedroom. She was occupied by the strange feeling of a knot in her abdomen. She was hot, she was moaning and she was wet. Never had she been this turned on. Not even when touching herself. This man was driving her crazy just by nibbling and kissing his was lower, and lower down her body.

She gasped and flung her head backwards as he reached her most private part, blushing with desire.

As Severus took his first taste of her, he almost lost his control. She tasted heaven! As she moaned and whimpered under his touch, Severus felt something inside of him grow. He pushed it down, but it came back. His very well hidden sexual side. He groaned in frustration as he tied the beast inside of him down. This was going to be her first time, and he didn't want to spoil it. He knew the importance the first time held for a woman, and was angry to know he had destroyed it too many times in his past.

"Don't stop…" Hermione breathed out as he stilled his movements. He hushed her and gently kissed the tip of her nose.

"I am going to make you ready for me, Hermione. It is going to hurt, but only for a little while." He murmured with his low, seductive voice as he placed himself between her thighs. She nodded while breathing raptly. Her cheeks were flustered and her brushy mass of hair laid spread out on the pillow under her head. Severus steeled himself as he kissed, licked and nibbled her skin. She needed to be distracted, he reasoned, before he entered her.

As she trembled in a small orgasm, Severus pushed inside her tight passage. She cried out in pain, but he kept going until he was as deep inside as he could get. He then stilled his movements. Hermione whimpered and moaned in pain, but as Severus started to kiss her again, hot and passionately, she let herself relax. The dull pain was still there, but the more Severus kissed and nibbled, the faster the pain seemed to be replaced by pleasure.

Slowly, without realizing it, Hermione started to move her hips. She wanted to move, why wasn't he moving? She groaned and commanded him to move, fast. He chuckled, which made her shiver with desire. His voice was like dark chocolate, she decided, as he murmured something in her ear. Something she couldn't hear.

He started to move, and Hermione moaned in pleasure at the new feeling. She felt…whole. Their movements slowly picked up speed, and it wasn't long until Hermione came crashing down from the cloudy heaven with a muffled scream. If it weren't for Severus mouth swallowing her scream, it would've been heard all the way to the Slytherin common room. Hermione felt herself blush as she relaxed from the intense pleasure and found herself wanting to scream loud enough for the whole school to hear.

Severus came collapsing on her only seconds after, breathing hard into her neck as he forced himself off her. Hermione rolled over to her side and nuzzled her head into the nape of his neck. She couldn't help but smile as she realized that he hadn't even putted up such a fight when she had told him she wanted to get through with 'the ritual'. What made her stiffen though was the fear of having him kicking her out of his quarters as soon as he woke up from the dazed state he was in.

As if reading her thoughts, Severus chuckled.

"I am not going to force you to leave, but if you stay, don't even think you're getting away."

Hermione blushed as she realized she didn't want to leave. She wanted more, and he seemed determent to give her more. Something deep inside of her started to move, as if coming to life.

"So, what do you plan on doing, Professor?"

Hermione asked as innocently as she could. He seemed to stiffen at her remark. She frowned in puzzlement as he groaned and started to get up.

"You are my student… I cannot take advantage of you like this."

Hermione sat up and dragged him back down to lie on the bed. She glared at him, as if daring him to interrupt her.

"Taking advantage? Are you telling me you didn't feel anything else than just plain desire?"

Hermione asked, wishing her suspicions were true. He had treated her too gently, he had made it too clear to her that he was determent to make her shiver and scream in pleasure, for him to just think of her as just a good shagg. She hoped.

Severus sighed as he looked into the chocolate brown eyes of Hermione. She was too smart sometimes. He couldn't confess that he really did like her, could he? Of course he could, she already knew, he thought with a sigh.

"I did feel more than plain desire, Hermione. But this is breaking the rules, this is breaking trust."

Severus said with a bitter tone. Hermione seemed to be in deep thought, but she wouldn't let go of him. He was still trapped under the delicious body of hers…

"But Dumbledore said that you had to make me 'less innocent'. And now when that's done… No one will now if it happened once…or twice…"

Severus raised a brow at the smirking young witch lying on top of him.

"If I were to start, I wouldn't be able to stop."

Severus explained as Hermione blushed. But she surprised him by licking her lips and bending down to kiss him. He returned the kiss, but she broke apart almost immediately.

"Who said I wanted to stop?"

Hermione asked, hoping her choice of seductive voice didn't sound too silly. Which it didn't by the feel of something hard poking her leg.

"You won't be able to walk tomorrow…"

Severus growled through clenched teeth as he struggled to keep his little monster inside of him in control.

"Neither will you…"

Hermione whispered, blushing at her new found side of passion. Who knew she could do thing like this to a man? She wondered as Severus rolled over to lay on top her.

7.30 in the morning. Severus groaned as he tried not to wake the sleeping young woman in his arms. Yes, he had discovered that she was more of a woman than a girl. Where the hell had she learned to suck like that? He thought as he absently stoked her unruly mane of hair.

She hadn't changed too much, over the years. She had gone and gotten herself some real curves, Severus thought with a grin, as he looked down at her round hips and breasts. Her big brown eyes still the same, but she seemed to have learned how to fix those black eyebrows of hers. They weren't as big as they used to be, Severus noted as he studied her face. Her cheeks were less round than they had been and it seemed as if the usual amount of teenage acne was gone. She seemed to have passed the stage where the acne covered the whole face. He grimaced and felt lucky to be free from that plague.

Hermione stirred and looked up at Severus with tired sleepy eyes. She yawned and stretched before smiling at him. He raised a brow, slightly amused by the volume her hair seemed to have in the mornings. And after some very intense lovemaking, a small voice whispered in the back of Severus mind. He tried hard not to grin, but it was difficult. It had been a while since he last had been with a woman. He had almost forgotten the relaxed feeling that overtook him in the mornings. Not that many women stayed that long so that he had the pleasure of waking up with them, but this morning was different.

"You ought to get up and dressed. You friends will wonder where you are."

Severus finally said, painfully helping Hermione sit up. He watched with a smug smile as she winced when she stood up.

"Stand still…"

Severus mumbled as he let his eyes wander over her body. He hadn't had that much time to study the body of Hermione Granger last night. Other things had been on his mind.

She bit her lips and blushed, but obeyed. She wasn't very tall, but that only made her cute. Her round hips just screamed after to be caressed and her neat firm breasts made his mouth water. Yes, he decided, she was a beauty. Even though her hair stood out like a mane at the moment. Severus smirked as Hermione putted her hand on her hip.

"What?"

She asked flustered. Doesn't he like what he sees? Hermione thought nervously.

"Nothing. You can use my shower, and then be off. Just remember that we have a meeting at 2 today. We will be being with the antidote then."

Hermione nodded and quickly looked around the room for her clothes. Where were they?

"Your clothes are in the living room. The door over there leads to the bathroom."

Severus explained as he stood up, grimacing at the way his sour muscles prostated, and began looking for some clothes and waiting for her to fetch her own. But she didn't. She just stood looking at him with wide eyes. He raised a brow at her, but she didn't seem to notice.

Hermione was looking, staring, at him. She guessed it was just fair, considering the way he had been drooling over her moments earlier.

She noticed that he had muscles on the right places, but not overly much. His pale skin did seem to have more colour than it had had before, Hermione mused. His hair was hanging down, covering some of his face. She remembered the feel of it; soft and silky. Her fingers itched to run through the massy of raven black hair. Yes, it was greasy but she didn't care that much. As he raised a brow, she wondered how he would look like in a ponytail. Just a loose sitting one, so that streaks of hair hung free. She dismissed the idea. He wouldn't be the same person in that. It would look too out of place.

"Miss Granger, your clothes?"

Severus reminded her as Hermione came back to earth. She hurried out of the room to get them, wincing at each step she took, and when she got back she quickly went for a hot shower, hoping that it would smoother the sour pain in her limbs.

When she was finished, Severus stepped inside the bathroom for a shower for himself. Hermione couldn't help but fantasise about them taking a shower together. He had shown her a bit of that passionate side during the night after all, Hermione mused, so I wonder what he could do in a shower. What possibilities might he find?

"Miss Granger, if you are to get breakfast, then you have to hurry up."

Severus said, a bit irritated that she was taking such a long time to just get out of the damned bathroom.

"Uh. Sorry sir."

Hermione said as she slipped out of the bathroom, disappointed that the shower hadn't helped a bit, and got dressed. When she was buttoning her shirt, Severus walked out of the shower with a towel wrapped around his waist.

"Now go and get yourself something to eat."

Severus dismissed as he turned to search his closet for clothes. Hermione didn't leave though.

"Aren't you coming too sir?"

She asked timid. Severus rolled his eyes.

"No, I'm not hungry. Now go before your friends starts to wonder where the hell you are."

He snapped, feeling the good mood he had had when he awoke disappear. Hermione seemed puzzled, but she let it slip. She turned around and left with a quiet good bye. Severus sighed. 'How to get it through her head that I'm not a nice person?' Severus thought as he dressed himself. 'Really, you'd thought six years with me as a teacher would've gotten that through her mind.'

He was almost certain that she had some kind of crush on him. And that wasn't good. He felt that he needed to end it before something went wrong. Even if he liked the girl.

'Well, I guess I'll just keep my distance then...' He thought as he dismissed the idea of being extra nasty towards her. Her feelings did mean _something_ to him. And he didn't wish his nastiest behaviour upon Hermione Granger. Only Potter and Weasley, and sometimes Longbottom, deserved that kind of treatment.

* * *

A/N: hehe...I followed through with the scene! ;) now tell me... -glare- good or bad? too fast? too ooc? okay, must admit... it was a little too ooc... but well...-sigh- can't have it all. 


	11. Confrontation and Evil Girl’s Plotting

A/N: I am soo sorry that it took me so long to update! I've been very lazy, and today (yesterday 'cause I updated this chapter again)my brother came over for dinner so I've been listening to his drabble all evening... This chapter is just well...a thing I got to update to get things started. It's not the greatest one, but at least I've cleared up some of the mess I seem to leave behind every time I start to write a story. -big sigh- anyway, read and review as always! oh and I've fixed the whenever-thingy.. you gotta forgive me, I'm not english speaking or something so I'm not the greatest grammar queen in the world.. ;) haha... anyway... 

oh and thank you for all your reviews:D:D soo happy! ;D hihi, it's fun to know you like the story! it keeps me writing...'cause sometimes I just don't see why I should keep on going.. ;P note: not talking about life here hehe.. anyway, read and enjoy or whatever:)

* * *

I Find Comfort In Pain

Chapter 11, Confrontation and Evil Girl's Plotting

Harry and Ron stared at Hermione. She was nervously moving her weight from foot to foot, waiting for the blow to come. She'd just confronted them on the matter of 'an extra-credit project with Snape' issue. Which wasn't an issue. So she had told them.

After that, Hermione damned whoever bought Harry his glasses when he pointed out a love bite she apparently had on her neck. And then she wondered what cruel thing she'd done fate when Ron showed he really had a brain to use. He hadn't taking it good, considering he probably still had some stupid crush on her. His face then turned an unattractive colour of red.

"Lavender told me you didn't come back yesterday! That's why we were looking for you and… It's Snape isn't it!"

He had yelled, making Hermione turn the same colour as her hot-tempered friend.

"Shhh!"

She'd hushed him. Harry had glared at him as he had tried to argue.

"Hermione… SNAPE!"

Harry had hissed when Ron calmed down. Hermione had tried to control her violent blush, but it didn't really help. After Harry's statement, it was quiet.

"Look… It's not quite as you think…" Hermione had started, glaring them into silence. She told them in hushed words all about the potion, the project and...well...last night's events. Though no details needed.

So there she was, waiting for them to react. Finally Ron opened his mouth.

"He...he...he like _raped_ you, you mean!"

Hermione almost slammed her head into the nearest wall. Honestly, she thought with irritation, has he even listened to me!

"NO Ron! He would NEVER do that! You didn't hear me out, did you? It was I who insisted on that solution!"

Harry raised a brow as he too blushed.

"No, you never mentioned that in fact." He stated. Hermione let out a frustrated growl as she almost flung her schoolbag into those two idiots' faces.

She was in no good mood this morning. She couldn't walk without grimacing in pain, she was a little hurt by the way Severus, oh yes she was going to call him that whether he liked it or not, had treated her in the morning, and she was so irritated on the fact that she was even affected by his words. Not that he would get away with it, she though as she breathed in and out to calm herself.

"Okay, here's the thing; I like him. He was kind enough to agree at the extra-credit project, even if he knew that it would be with me. He has treated me" Hermione stopped to think before she decided that anything mentioned bad about him, and she'd never be able to see her friend's outside the hospital wing in ages. "…almost in a civil way; polite, but stiff. I don't regret anything, and if you excuse me, I have to talk to Ginny. I've got some plotting to do."

She finally ended as she started to walk past them. Though she was stopped by Harry's outstretched arm.

"Sorry 'Mione. But how the hell can you even _think_ of Snape as…as…_civil_?"

Hermione flashed him a small smile. He seemed to be on her side, even if he probably hated the idea. Too bad Ron went on spoiling the moment.

"Yeah, he's the biggest git in the whole world!"

"Ron, aren't you forgetting Voldemort?" Hermione asked, her cheeks burning hot for no particular reason. Well, she thought, it is _not_ because Ron just insulted Severus.

"And by the way, I might as well tell you guys this, you wouldn't be able to figure it out anyway. Professor Snape's a spy, right? Mm, then he must be seen as cruel in the public eye. Right? Yeah, and did you know Malfoy's dad's one of the most trusted Death Eaters in Voldemort's camp? Then what if Professor Snape was civil with anyone except the ones Voldemort adores? Like the amazing bouncing ferret?"

Hermione was really losing her temper, Ron and Harry noticed, and she didn't notice that she seemed to let her mouth drabble.

"You two may be thick, but I'm not! NOW if you'll EXCUSE me, I have to find the little vixen named Ginny so I can have some use of her and her smug self!"

Hermione bellowed as she pushed her way past Harry and Ron. The two of the stared after her as she rushed up the stairs towards Gryffindor's common room.

"Err, 'Mione, she's outside with Luna." Harry shouted after her. Hermione bit her lip as if not to scream, and quickly turned around to run outside. Ron was gaping at both Hermione and Harry as he tried to figure out which way he would react. Shouting, sulking, turn violent or just go with the flow? He decided that the last one would keep him alive the longest, this time.

"Sooo… Virginity lost…all happy about but just pissed off at the moment?"

Ginny stated as she walked by the lake with Hermione.

"Yes. I'm totally pissed this morning. I can't walk; my head hurts after arguing with the two dunderheads named Harry and Ron...though Harry do seem to be on my side. But who knows what Ron will do to his mind during the time I'm gone? And the way Severus, yes Gin, I'm so saying him name. He's not getting away. Bastard. Anyway, as I was saying…The way he treated me. It was as if he just hadn't fucked me all night long! Oh stop laughing Ginny; I'm not Neville's twin sister."

Ginny grinned up at her with a red face. She tried hard not to burst out laughing again, but it was hard when Hermione gave her 'the look' as she and Harry had named it. Ron wasn't in it, considering Harry and Ginny had been spending some 'alone time' when they got up with the name before bursting out laughing. Funny how high you could get on chocolate and hot pumpkin juice.

"Hrm…well…I guess you wanted to see me because of some plotting. I remember you mentioning that before you went babbling on about your bad day slash good night."

Hermione snorted as she wrapped her arms around her stomach and gave Ginny a withering glare.

"Yes. Plotting so that I get my revenge on the way he treated me, and plotting to get him see reason. I swear; he's never smiled like the way he did this morning! I saw that he tried to suppress it, but it didn't really work. Now, help me come up with something I can use when I'm meeting him at 2."

Ginny stopped and abruptly sat down on the cold ground. Hermione followed suit but winced when her bottom hit the hard ground. Ginny grinned but stayed silence as her brain searched for ideas.

After what seemed like several hours to Hermione, even though it just had gone four minutes, Ginny shrieked and clapped her hands together.

"I know, I know! Here's what we'll do…."

A stinging pain went through his left arm so that he dropped the vial he was holding. The potion was smeared out on the stone floor as Severus knelt down and grabbed his wrist. 'Why now?' he thought annoyed. It was now 1 o'clock in the afternoon and Severus had been preparing for the upcoming meeting with Her-Miss Granger. He didn't know why, but it seemed as if his brain was stubbornly fixed upon saying her name. Whether he liked it or not.

"Stupid damned GIT!" Severus bellowed as he kicked the nearest chair in anger. No, he had to calm down. Going into Voldemort's camp seething in anger wouldn't keep secrets safe. Quickly, Severus relaxed as much as possible with the throbbing pain in his left arm, and breathed heavily. As he was calmed down, he set up his mental walls around his mind and went towards the fireplace. He called for Dumbledore and quickly told him about the situation. He had promised to tell Hermione, dammit, Miss Granger, that Severus was unable to meet her. He even promised to not tell her that Severus had gone to a Death Eater meeting, which Severus found incredibly suspected. But he didn't have time to puzzle over the old man's behaviour. He had to get to the summoning.

As fast and soundlessly he could, Severus made his way out of the school grounds to Apparate. As he swept his black robe around him and placed the silvery mask on his face, Severus prepared for the Dark Lord's usually painful greeting.

* * *

A/N: oooh just have to destroy the mood there... hehe -evil grin- what may they be plotting? and how will it go with Snape gone and Dumbledore promising not to mention that snape's gone for a Death meeting? -classic music starts to play, something like the 5th symphony- tbc... (love the small cliffhangers.. even if you'll need a microscope, or how to spell it..) 


	12. Bleeding

I Find Comfort In Pain

Chapter 12, Bleeding.

Hermione was nervously biting and nibbling a strand of hair as she waited outside Professor McGonagall's office. What was she doing in there anyway? Finally, Hermione heard footsteps and the door opened to reveal her favourite Professor with an annoyed frown pasted upon her face. Though seeing her star pupil, it turned into a smile. Hermione straightened her back and gazed into McGonagall's eyes. Why was she doing this again? Oh, yeah, right… Severus…

"Good morning Professor. I hope I'm not interrupting something…" Hermione began but got interrupted by her Professor.

"Oh no dear, please come in. Would you like some tea?" McGonagall said stepping away from the door and letting Hermione go inside. Damn, she thought, why must Ginny always be right?

She and Ginny had gone up from the lake to the Gryffindor common room, where Hermione had been forced to distract Ron while Ginny went through with her own plan. Getting Harry's Invisible cloak. Successfully, Ginny had been strolling down the staircases from the boys' dormitory with a slight bump coming out of her ruffled sweater. She had been grinning like mad, but no one other than Hermione had cared to notice.

"How did you get it without Harry noticing!" Hermione had hissed, not pleased with the idea of Ginny telling Harry about their plan. Ginny had just grinned and whispered that he hadn't noticed when she nicked, or like she putted it 'borrowed', it. He had been too distracted by her kiss. And some other things Hermione hadn't even bothered to listen to.

Their plan was to get Ginny into Professor McGonagall's office, have the Professor distracted long enough for Ginny to floo to her brothers, Fred and George, and get them to get her some stuff.

So here Hermione was, being led by McGonagall towards her desk with an invisible Ginny behind.

"So, Miss Granger, what's on your mind?" McGonagall asked as she sat down behind the desk, gesturing for Hermione to do the same, and serving them tea with a wave of her wand.

"Well…" Hermione started, unsure as to what to say.

"Err… I've been thinking, Professor…. About the upcoming NEWT's… I know that there're not until in the beginning of the summer, but I want to be prepared. Transfiguration is one of my absolute favourite subjects, and I really want to succeed. I was wondering if you would have some books on Advanced Transfiguration? I've been searching the library, but haven't found anything I haven't read."

Yeah, that sounded like something I would do, Hermione thought as she hoped her sharp eyed Professor would buy her little lie. Well, half-truth.

"Oh, yes, I have lots of books. I am proud to have your intellect fixed upon this subject. It really is fascinating, Transfiguration, isn't it?" McGonagall said while starting to look through the drawers of her desk.

As Hermione distracted McGonagall with more chatter about books, Transfiguration, and NEWT's, Ginny had been able to get all she needed from Fred and George; telling them that it was a prank she'd pull off on Dean Thomas.

It had just taken her a couple of minutes, and now she was ready to go. Before she tapped Hermione's shoulder, as a signal to leave, she glanced up to the watch on the wall. 12.55.

* * *

Severus Apparated to the place where the Dark Lord had set up his camp this time. By the look of it; somewhere deep in a forest. It was dark, though it probably only was about 5 minutes over 1 in the evening. Shivers ran through his spine as he knelt by the cloaked black figure sitting in front of him, surrounded by the others.

"My Lord." Severus mumbled, steeling himself for Voldemort's powerful Legilimency upon his mind. He didn't need to wait for too long; something was already pressing against his barrier. Quickly, Severus let useless memories of chats with Dumbledore, arguing with Moody, sneering at Potter and his gang, float to the surface.

"Nothing to report, Snape?" The icy, high pitched voice belonging to Voldemort asked through the dark hood that covered his ugly face. Only his glowering red eyes showed through the compact shadowing shedding his face.

"No, Master. Dumbledore seems to be up to something though. But the fool won't let me in on the exact purpose of it." Severus answered; his voice low as if showing respect towards the scary skeleton in front of him. A hiss was heard from the lipless mouth of You-Know-The-Guy-With-Something-Stuck-In-His-Ass.

"You're not trying hard enough! I need information! We have to have the upper hold! You are disappointing me, Severus." The Dark Lord said; his voice dangerously smooth. Severus stiffened as he heard his name. That wasn't a good sign. If he was called 'Snape', it was fine. If it was 'loyal Death Eater' or 'Severus', then he was banned to be kept in the hospital wing for days.

"_Crucio!"_

That was the last thing he heard before the silence was ripped by his own screams. The burning, the agony, it was so much. As he struggled to breath between his screams, he felt Voldemort's Legilimency press on his mind. He fought to keep his barrier up and about, but the pain was so strong. The thought that he had made it so many other times kept him going. But then suddenly, something started to stir in his mind. It was as if someone was taking a peak through his eyes. As if someone else was in there. Not The Dark Lord, not any of the Death Eaters. It was something…someone….innocent. Screaming even louder, this time in anger, Severus rolled around on the ground, trying to keep both Voldemort and, what he knew sure was Hermione, out of his mind. It was too much. His energy, his powers. It slipped away as water through ones open hands.

* * *

Hurry up, Hermione thought as she ran through the corridors with Ginny behind. They had to get things ready before 2, when she was to be in the dungeons.

"Ginny, come on!" Hermione hissed, not bothering to look behind. They where racing towards the girls lavatory on the second floor. As the red head came panting to stand and lean on the door to the room, Hermione checked the time. 1 o'clock in one minute.

"One hour to go." Hermione stated, scratching her left arm absently.

The two girls went inside, checking for others but not finding anyone, and sat down in one of stalls.

Hermione frowned as she massaged her arm, feeling a terrible itch prickle on her skin. Ginny wasn't looking or noticing, she was scrambling through her bag. But when Hermione let out a wail when the pain in her arm increased, Ginny looked up puzzled.

"What?" she asked, eyeing Hermione warily. Hermione sighed in irritation as she scratched and massaged her arm, nothing helping. She gave up and tried her wand. The itching was still there. But it seemed to increase into a painful sticking of needles.

"It feels as if someone's poking my arm with needles!" Hermione said through clenched teeth. Ginny frowned as she took Hermione's arm into her hands. But as she turned Hermione's hand to reveal her palm, she gasped and quickly let go of it, as if she'd been burned.

"What?" Hermione asked, eyeing the speechless red head. She only pointed at Hermione's arm. A bit annoyed, Hermione looked down. She gasped and stared at what she saw. With her arm turned with the underside showing upwards, her wrist had a strange mark on it. It was red, faint, but still there. At first, it was hard to see what it was. The Dark Mark.

"H-h-how's that possible?" Hermione asked, barley managing to get anything out at all. Ginny just shook her head, swallowing whatever lump she had in her throat.

"May-maybe you should go to Dumbledore?" Ginny finally said, staring wide-eyed at Hermione's mark. Hermione blinked as she too stared at the mark.

"Yeah…you're probably right…." Hermione said shaken. 'How the hell is this possible?' Hermione asked herself as she stood up on shaky legs. Ginny seemed to be scared of Hermione's arm, but she couldn't blame her. At this moment, she herself wished that she could just cut the damned thing off.

As they reached the door, Hermione stopped. The ache was gone. She looked down at her wrist to find it clean. Only the red marks of her nails were left.

"What? Ginny! It's gone…" Hermione said with a surprised voice. Peaking over her shoulder, Ginny raised a brow.

"But…" was all she could say.

"Maybe I should go to Dumbledore anyway…" Hermione mumbled as she touched the slightly pink skin on her wrist.

"Uh-hum…" Ginny said as she nodded. "I think you should…"

* * *

Memories, all bad, flashed through his mind. His years at home, the years at school, the Death Eater time. He struggled and succeeded with keeping secretsof his betrayal against the Dark Lord and even the Order of the Phoenix. It was stealing his energy, and it would probably get him killed in the long run, but he wouldn't end his days as a weak betrayer. Secrets he would keep.

Voldemort seemed to seek for Severus' worst memories, conjuring them in front of his own eyes, making him relive his life. Scars that he thought were somewhat healed ripped open and tore at his very soul. All the mistakes, all the hate. Everything he'd done. Rape, torture, murderer.

He had stopped yelling and screaming a long time ago. His voice did no longer obey. The presence of Hermione was gone, but Severus was weakened. He couldn't fight the Dark Lord any longer, but he held on. The pain had to have an end. Or, did it? His mind snapped. Pain. He breathed in and out; trying to relax his jerking and twitching muscles. He had to stop fighting the pain. He stopped rolling around on the ground, breathing sharp and fast. Somewhere in his mind he noticed that the Cruciatus curse was off, but it still felt as if Voldemort was laying his whole attention on that curse only. If only the throbbing pain in his head would disappear. Realization drew upon him as he breathed out. Voldemort had stopped the Legilimency curse. Severus could taste blood in his mouth. He wondered if he had hit his head that hard, or if he had screamed and caused it that way.

"I have found nothing useful. But don't worry, Snape. I have a few others I want to question before the nightfall. Leave now, and next time… Bring me information." The Dark Lord dismissed with a cold voice, a slight sneer hinting in the undertone. Severus struggled to get up, but he couldn't stand. The pain was overwhelming.

"Nott, get him to Hogwarts." Severus heard his so called Lord command in an amused voice. He winced as he felt someone drag him into standing position violently. He heard mumbling before something was pressed into his hand and he felt himself spin around and around in the air. A portkey.

* * *

Hermione was shaking in pain. Gasping for air, she tried to speak. Not a word escaped her lips. She was seeing through his eyes. She was in his mind. In his soul. She wanted so bad to tell the worried old wizard leaning over her, speaking to her. But she couldn't. The memories she saw, the ones Voldermort forced Severus to remember, was familiar. And she knew why. In her dreams he had told and showed her everything. Well, almost. It wasn't until now that she could remember.

"He….I….soul…." Hermione managed to whisper as she jerked from left to right, seeking a way to ease her pain. His pain.

Dumbledore looked at her puzzled. Hermione groaned. Of all times, he had to pick this one to not act like the wise and clever wizard he usually was. Oh the irony.

Hermione had been walking to Dumbledore office, leaving Ginny behind to give the cloak back to Harry, when she had collapsed. Dumbledore had been running out of his office as Hermione had started to scream the highest she had done…well…ever. He had taken her to the hospital wing, not meeting Hermione eyes. She had tried to speak, to tell him what she saw, but then the total silence had came.

Gasping for air, and letting out a shriek at the sudden sting ofpain, Hermione once again tried to speak. This was a new pain. Her heart. It felt as if someone was tearing at it, cutting deep wounds into it. Yet she knew it wasn't her pain. But it felt so real. The tearing in her soul, the taste of blood in her mouth…

"Sir! He…the soul…potion…Vold…" Hermione pressed out, gasping for air.

"…hurting…not my pain!" She finally managed to wail out. Dumbledore seemed to piece things together as he quickly stood up to leave. Hermione watched with tears in her eyes as he neared the door. She knew Severus life in danger. She felt it. Would he…die?

"Sir! Please…." Hermione wailed, trying to find some comfort. The pain was slowly ceasing, and she couldn't feel his soul. It made her panic.

"He's gone…no no no… What if… What if he's dead!"

Dumbledore had stopped and was watching Hermione with solemn eyes.

"Calm down Miss Granger. Poppy will take care of you, and I will see to that Professor Snape will return."

Hermione couldn't help but feel that he was leaving something out. She sadly added '…return dead or alive…' in her mind as Dumbledore left the room. Madame Pomfray, who Hermione hadn't noticed, was standing by her bedside, fumbling around with different potion vials. Hermione watched her and felt her eyelids slowly close. She was exhausted. It was as if she'd never felt the pain. It hadn't left any trace behind. Only her sore muscles and tired mind.

"Oh no, Miss Granger. You are not falling asleep just yet. Here, drink this. And this."

Hermione did as she was told, slowly raising her hand to grab the vials. Drinking and giving them back to Madame Pomfray, Hermione sniffed. All plans she'd done earlier that day and all the anger was gone. Now she only had the miserable feeling of sore muscles, both from last night and those gained just now, and having Severus walking on a thread dealing with life or death.

"Now, go to sleep and don't worry about Professor Snape dear. I'm sure he'll be fine…" Even Madame Pomfray herself seemed to hear how lame it sounded as she quickly covered Hermione's still trembling body with the white sheets and leaving. Hermione sighed as she drifted into a worried sleep.

* * *

Severus landed on the cold ground, feeling the snow melt under his warm body. He was so tired and sore. He barely managed to breathe with his head lying in the ankle it did. He tried to move at least his head, but he didn't even get it up from the ground.

He lay there, on the cold ground, for several minutes. Only concentrating on his breathing. He had made it. No secrets spilled. He coughed. As his eyes flickered open he saw the red coloured snow. He was coughing blood.

Okay, he thought, how to get help? He winced at the thought. Help. He hoped no student had to see him like this. Helpless. Pathetic. His heart and soul ached after the brutal reminder of who he was. It felt as if his soul was bleeding and his heart was torn. The years he had spent building up his defences, the time it had taking him to heal and forget his wounds… It was all lost now. Ironic, he though bitterly, how I know come to wish that I had energy enough to just kill myself and get it over with. After all, he continued, no one seems to want me alive.

* * *

Hermione woke up, screaming. Her dream. She had seen his soul. It was terrible.

"Miss Granger? What is it?" A familiar voice asked, bringing Hermione to her senses. Dumbledore was back. He seemed to have been talking to Madame Pomfray. Hermione felt tears run down her cheeks.

"I saw it! I saw his soul! We must help him… It was so sad… It's bleeding!"

* * *

A/N: sooo sorry guys! crappy ending... but... -mood turns darker- I have noticed the You have been leaving less reviews... -glares hole in Your head- REVIEW! hrm...err...I mean... -smiles- I love redaing your reviews (that IS true guys... love yoooou) so... .. .. . . plz leave one before leaving ;) and let me remind you...I...can...be...mean...I hold the key to life or death! WAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAH! hrm... heh... read on andsee what happens.. .. . .. . ... oh, btw, sorry if I've missed out letter, placed the words on the wrong place, or whatever, I have no energy left to read this damned thing through... my friend helped me a bit, but dunno if I got everything. I probably didn't. anyway, hope you understood it anyway. 


	13. It’s his choice

A/N: I'm sorry that it took me a while to update ;) and I do hope that I'll manage to make up for that crappy ending in chapter 12 :) hehe

om and btw, THANK YOU FOR THE LOVLEY REVIEWS:D I am amazed! the only chapter with as much reviews is the 10th..hrm..wonder why...naughty naughty readers.. hehe, anyway, it's great! thank you guys:) keep it up and I might reward you... .. .. ..

* * *

I Find Comfort In Pain.

Chapter 13, It's his choice.

Hermione watched with wide eyes as Madame Pomfray examined the man in the hospital bed. His hair was damp from sweat and melted snow. Its blackness made his white skin and bluish lips seem even less coloured. His wet, cold clothes were removed only to reveal the same whiteness on the skin there. Hermione tried to swallow the lump in her throat, but seemed to choke on it.

By the bedside, Professor Dumbledore stood hunched over the man's face, whispering in a somewhat desperate voice. The man didn't stir. His shallow breaths didn't seem to give him air, and the motionless way he just lay there made Hermione's insides turn. What had happened to him?

"How is he, Poppy?" Dumbledore whispered, as if thinking Hermione didn't hear. The nurse gave him a grave look, answering in an even more quiet tone that made Hermione concentrate just to hear.

"He's dying, Headmaster. Not only is he freezing, too low under his own temperature, but Miss Granger seems to be right. The real threat isn't in the superficial wounds… Well, I don't know anything about the soul thing, but it's defiantly something mental."

Hermione stiffened. She knew it just hadn't been any random dream. Seeing his soul had been frightening; it seemed to be ripped in small pieces then fixed together again. Like a scared animal, it seemed to shy away.

"What can we do for him then?"

The quiet, sad, voice whispered from Dumbledore woke Hermione up. She glanced up to his face, leaving the sight of the helpless man.

"Well… Making him recover from his physical injuries may help, but otherwise… It's up to him."

Hermione watched with suspicion as Dumbledore's face turned from sad to miserable. Surely he would be okay now that he was in care? Madame Pomfray can heal everything! 'Stop being so naïve', Hermione thought to herself as tears ran down her cheeks. Without her noticing, she had begun sobbing violently. The sound of her sobs seemed to draw both Dumbledore's and Madame Pomfray's attention. Dumbledore quickly changed his expression to something more controlled.

"Miss Granger, you may leave if you want to." he said kindly, not leaving the bedside.

"No, I want to stay if he wakes up…" Hermione said between sobs she tried so hard to hold down. She desperately held onto the little hope her logical mind allowed her to feel, as she walked over to the bed with shaky legs.

She sat down on the opposite side where Dumbledore stood, feeling uncomfortable in the hard wooden chair.

"I have done everything I can do for him at the moment. I will leave you two now." Madame Pomfray said quietly before leaving the room. Hermione stared blankly down on the white face surrounded by that soft black hair. She remembered the feel of it against her hands, against her body. Renewed tears welled out as she pulled her knees up to her face and rocked herself in a desperate try to find relief.

"He is a strong man, Miss Granger. Give him time." Dumbledore's smoothing voice said. Hermione hugged her legs tightly and buried her face in her knees, wishing for the tears to stop. Crying in front of the Headmaster wasn't on the top of Hermione's list. _'You're thinking of what's on top of your list when Severus is dying?'_

"Do you want to stay here, Miss Granger? I have to leave now. Sure you don't want to come?" Dumbledore interrupted her thoughts. Hermione shook her head, looking into his blue eyes. He nodded and patted her on her shoulder before leaving.

For several minutes, Hermione fought the urge to let her tears break free. She sat there, staring into the pale face, her head and heart aching.

Sighing in defeat, Hermione threw herself at the motionless body, crying hard. She was still so tired after the sudden pain she'd felt earlier.

"Oh god… What did he do to you, Severus?" Hermione whispered into the soft, damp, now greasy, black locks of the man. As she lay there, slowly warming Severus' body up, she let her tired mind wander free.

I wonder why he keeps on spying, Hermione thought, what's it in for him? She remembered in her fifth year when she'd spent time in the Headquarters, and she'd been staying up late every night to explore the content of her newest books. Nothing unusual, Hermione thought bitterly.

One night, when she'd lost herself in a book, Hermione had almost fallen off the chair she was sitting on when Severus had come inside, throwing off a snide comment about her habit of reading too much. He'd been limping as he left the room, Hermione remembered now. She'd wondered what had happened, but had shrugged it off. She thought now angrily how many times people had just shrugged at his bold spying. Hermione herself had always felt respect for the brooding Potions Master, but never liked him. He really makes it hard for you to like him, Hermione thought with a smile. But the respect had always been there. Out of fear, before the knowledge of his work for the Order had made her think twice. But, until that night he'd come back from one of Voldemort's summons and allowed her to help him, his snarky and nasty behaviour had made Hermione feel just the slightest hate. Well, hate wasn't really the word, she thought, maybe just dislike.

As Hermione's mind kept on ponder about randomly memories of the slightest sight of Severus wounded or extra sulky, her eyelids slowly closed. Her tired mind and body was now worn out after her intense crying.

Before sleep overtook her completely, she impulsively crept up on the bed to lie nuzzled comfortably by her Professor, not listening to her nagging voice of reason in the back of her head.

"No, Poppy, leave her. She needs to sleep and Severus needs the warmth. You may leave; I want to talk to her when she wakes up." A voice said, dragging Hermione towards a waken state. She fought the need to open her eyes. She wanted to stay in this cloudy state of cozy heaven. The warmth she received from the body next to hers made her want to lay like that forever. But as she heard the scratching of a chair being moved, and a soft swish of robes, Hermione gave up. She might as well wake up properly.

"Mmm…Whatimeisit?" Hermione slurred, blinking raptly to get the white fuzz in front of her to clear into focus

"Ah, Miss Granger. Sorry but I didn't catch that." The voice she'd heard before said. Hermione shook her head once and blushed. Oh, she thought, my bet; white beard; not fuzz.

"Umm… What time is it?" Hermione asked flustered while trying to get out of the bed. That turned out to be difficult, seeing it as she had her arms wrapped around the man. Her one arm under his thin body.

"Oh well, it's about dinner time. I've asked the house elves to bring you some food. By the look of things, you seem to want to stay. Am I right?"

Hermione nodded, wincing as her neck almost screamed in pain. She must've been sleeping with her head in a bad angle.

"Good. I really think your presence is going to help Professor Snape's healing." Dumbledore said kindly. Hermione blushed as she finally got herself free from Severus body. She jumped high and gasped as a growl escaped his thin lips. Dumbledore looked as startled as she, when Severus began to stir.

"Give me a thick blanket or just lay down again. I'm fucking freezing." He said; his voice cracked and weak. Hermione felt tears begin to fall as she quickly lay down and wrapped her arms around him. She could feel how he trembled, muscles tightly tensed, at the effort to keep on breathing and being awake at the same time. Hermione bit her lip as she hoped that he wouldn't lose too much energy while awake.

"Ah, Severus! You're awake! How do you feel?" Dumbledore asked, his blue eyes twinkling. Hermione could almost sense the relief Dumbledore seemed to feel. A snort escaped Severus, which he regretted immediately.

"Careful!" Hermione said, eyeing him worriedly as he grimaced.

"Don't even _think_ that I will take _orders_ from a student! Not just any student, but the annoying Know-It-All Gryffindor." Severus hissed, glaring at her. Hermione felt anger fill her as she quickly pulled away from him, hurt showing in her eyes.

"Where are you going? Tend to make me freeze to death?" Severus croaked, trembling violently while grabbing Hermione by her arm. She froze and gave him an icy look.

"Now, now. Severus, please try to behave. Being injured is no excuse. And Miss Granger, please try to be gentle. He isn't well, not well at all." Dumbledore said with a stern voice as he eyed the two of them. Severus quickly let go of Hermione's arm, giving her a shove with his hand so that she almost fell when she stepped away from the bed. She scowled but kept quiet as Severus winced and turned away to hide his weakened state.

"I'm fine. I just need my clothes. Where are they?" Severus asked irritated, putting as much strength into the words as he could. Hermione quietly made her way to sit down by a chair on the other side of the room, hoping to get away unnoticed. It wasn't that she wanted to leave. She just wanted to be near Severus without having him focus his nasty self on her.

"You need rest, Severus, and you need to tell me what happened." Dumbledore said firmly. Severus glared at the man, but said nothing further.

"Now, tell me, what happened to you?" Dumbledore asked.

"I was summoned while preparing the meeting with Miss Granger…" he said, looking around the room only to spot her hiding away in a dark corner. He hoped he could talk low enough so that she couldn't hear. "…and when I got there…" breathing had become a difficult thing to do, Severus noted, but he kept going "…The Dark Lord asked me for information. When I had none, he entered my mind. I kept him out for awhile, but when he put the Cruciatus curse on me, something went wrong." Severus saw the worry in the older man's eyes, so he quickly continued, ignoring his need to pant. "I felt something in my mind. I'm not totally sure, but I think it was because of the Soul Connection potion. I felt Hermione Granger in my mind, Headmaster. I was lucky to keep the secrets of the Order and my spying. I fear what she might've seen or felt, during the time she spent there." Severus was now full aware of the small black dots in front of his eyes. He breathed hard as he tried to keep himself awake.

"That explains it. She collapsed on her way to my office, screaming and not able to talk. It took her some time to be able to tell me something. She said "hurting, not my pain" and the mentioned the Soul Connection potion." Dumbledore said in a little too loud voice. Hermione heard it, and kept her eyes firmly fixed upon the back of Dumbledore; her mind now working fast.

"Is she alright?" Severus found himself asking. He cursed himself as Dumbledore chuckled.

Meanwhile Hermione was waiting for a chance to speak up. When Dumbledore had mentioned her collapse outside his office, she'd remembered just why she'd been on her way to his office. Now was the perfect time, she thought.

"Um, Professor? The reason why I was going to your office earlier…" Hermione said while walking over to the bed. She kept her gaze fixed upon Dumbledore, totally ignoring Severus.

"Yes?"

"Err, I, well… I started to feel an itching pain in my left arm and when I looked closer… I saw the Dark Mark. But just as faint red marks on my skin." Hermione said as quickly as she could. To her dismay, her eyes wandered over to the half-naked man in the bed. His faced wore an expression of pain, worry and thoughtfulness.

"That must be the work of the potion. Strange though..." Severus said quietly. Dumbledore gave him a look to continue. "Well, I've never heard of bounds as strong as this appears to be. Normally, you'll only feel the other person's mood swings, and that's after being Connected for at least a year. Either she got a very large amount of potion on her skin, or this is…well…is just a rare case." Severus said with unease. He knew more than he'd said, but he needed to be sure. "In any way, this bound must be broken. And that is as soon as possible." Severus continued, meeting Hermione eyes with a hard glance.

"Ah. Well, it looks as if you need some rest. I'll leave you to it. Though I will return later on, to check on you; we can talk more then. Miss Granger, are you coming?" Dumbledore said, standing up and gesturing for Hermione to follow. Timidly she shook her head.

"No, I would like to ask Professor Snape something first, sir." She said, hoping it would let her stay for just a little while longer. Dumbledore nodded before bidding them good evening and disappearing from the room. Hermione could feel Severus' eyes on her as she struggled to look up from the floor. 'It really is a strange spot there… Wonder what it is…' Hermione thought as her cheeks started to burn under the intense gaze of her Potions Master.

"Well?" He asked; voice sounding even weaker than before. His sharp tone was still there, but it was tainted with both pain and tiredness. Nothing he would admit though.

"I…well…do you need an extra blanket?" Hermione asked, hitting herself mentally for seeming so utterly stupid and childish. As she waited for an answer, she could almost see how Severus raised one of his black brows, even though she kept her eyes on the floor.

"No." He said simply. Hermione dared herself to look up into his black eyes. Swallowing the irritating lump in her throat, Hermione worried her lip.

"Aren't you cold then? I thought you were freezing.." Hermione said, feeling unsure.

"I am." came his short reply.

"But then…" Hermione started, but got cut off by his heavy sigh. Frowning slightly, Hermione watched as Severus rolled his eyes. A little put off, Hermione opened her mouth to ask him what it was, but he held up his hand. She took one step closer as she saw how it shook, fighting the urge to wrap her own hand around it.

"I am freezing, but I do not want a blanket, Miss Granger." He said; his voice now had an amused tone in it. Hermione blushed as realization drawn upon her. He wanted her to lie beside him again.

"Of course..." She mumbled, once again feeling stupid. She took the last step towards his bed and carefully sat down by his side on the bed. Severus smirked at her flustered self when she lay down, wrapping her arms around him. 'Maybe I should stop teasing her' he thought as she blushed a very deep colour of red. Slowly he bent down and captured her mouth in a soft kiss, enjoying the feel of her trembling beside him.

"I felt you, you know." He whispered in her ear after breaking the kiss. Hermione shivered at his silky voice, amazed that he could keep it that low.

"Felt…" She started, but he quickly put his finger over her slightly parted lips.

"You by my side, what else?" He whispered before stealing another kiss. Hermione closed her eyes as she felt him deepening the kiss. The logical part of her mind told her off, insisting on breaking the kiss before he exhausted himself. 'He's not well' she thought desperately. But his skilled tongue caressing hers made her melt and forget about the world for just one moment.

Severus himself was struggling to not stop breathing. He finally had to break the kiss, seeing those black dots again.

He looked down into those brown eyes, feeling a small smile spread on his face. He'd been so close to end it all. He had almost given into what every part of him had begged for. Death. But the feel of warmth and the sound of tears being shed for him made him change his mind.

"I had the choice, and I chose you." He mumbled into Hermione's soft cheek as he kissed it, seeing the black dots turning into a complete darkness. When he drifted off, he tightened his grip around the warm woman in his arms. Pleasant dreams followed after that, and every moment in the blissful darkness was welcome.

* * *

A: oooh the tension... who wants a lemon drop for x-mas? 


	14. Weak

I Find Comfort In Pain

Chapter 14, Weak.

Hermione woke the next day with a smile on her lips. Though when she realized where she was, she struggled to get up. What if someone saw her? She was in bed with Professor Snape in the Hospital wing. Anyone could've walked in and seen them!

A small gruff made her still her movements. She looked down at the man's face warily, afraid that he would snap at her. She had her suspicions that Severus Snape was no morning person.

When he didn't stir or wake up, Hermione relaxed. She slowly let her eyes wander over the warm body she'd been lying nuzzled by all night. Carefully, Hermione traced her fingers lightly over his chest and watched his breathing. Absently, she drew small hearts with her fingers as she hummed happily. He was here and alive. The fear of him dying still lingered in her, but at least he had a chance now.

"Enjoying your drawing lesson? If you don't mind, I would not like to be the actual paper." A voice drawled, making Hermione almost fall off the bed. Luckily, she caught the arm of which belonged to a very awake Severus Snape. Hermione blushed deeply and prayed to whatever god there was that he hadn't made out exactly what she'd been 'drawing'.

"Oh, I'm sorry sir. I'll, err, just…" Hermione started but found it meaningless to continue as Severus just stared at her with a raised brow.

"Hm, well, mind if I could get some space?" Severus asked in a sweet voice. Hermione suppressed a smile as she quickly stood up and straightened her clothes. She looked over to Severus and watched as he tried to sit up. He seemed to be struggling to keep a straight face, but the pain he obviously felt flew briefly over his features. Hermione debated on helping him up, but decided against it. He didn't strike her as the type to accept help just like that. Typical men, she thought amused, hiding pain and all. Not that I would want him any other way…

Hermione shook her head as she blinked. Where the hell had that come from? Well, she could no longer deny that she wanted him. Not with Ginny there as a constant reminder of the truth. Hermione frowned as she thought of what her friends were doing. She'd been gone for quite awhile now. Almost two days, she realized.

"Miss Granger? Miss Granger! Lost in your dream world, are we?" Severus said with a smirk. Hermione jumped in surprise and stared at him. Severus felt uncomfortable under her gaze, but made no effort to stop her. As he opened his mouth to speak, Madame Pomfray entered the room. She had a big grin on her face which unsettled Severus greatly.

"Ah, you're awake! And you too, Miss Granger! How lovely! Oh and Miss Granger, you wouldn't mind to leave now? Your friends have been very worried and you should go back to them. I need to examine Professor Snape here anyway, nothing more to see. Oh and you're just in time to get some lunch."

Hermione gaped. Lunch! Had she slept that long? Severus looked as shock as she at the time.

"Oh, err, well then… Good evening Professor. I guess I'll see you in class?" Hermione said nervously. Severus just gave her a 'humph' in answer as he eyed Madame Pomfray with suspicion. Being examined by her was never a good thing. He probably had to do things like walking around the room in just underwear…oh no…

"Ah, well, I'm sure he'll be just fine Miss Granger." Madame Pomfray said as she followed Hermione out. She could feel Severus intense gaze on her back, and she hurried her steps. The last thing Hermione wanted was to turn around and meet a glare or icy look. In a way, this night had been perfect. Well, he'd been quiet, relaxed and un-snarky. And asleep. His eyes closed. No risk on having a hole burnt into your head if he decided to glare with full force.

"Good bye, Madame Pomfray." Hermione said before leaving, a smile stubbornly pasted on her lips. It just wouldn't leave.

Meanwhile Severus was considering the best options he had to get out of there as fast as possible. He knew he was supposed to be almost well by now. After all, he'd only suffered the Cruciatus curse and had been given strong potions to heal the small wounds he'd gotten inside and outside. Yet he felt as if breathing was the hardest thing in the world. And moving. Damn all this!

"Ah, Professor Snape! Come on; let's get you up and moving." Madame Pomfray said with a smile. She really did seem to be in a good mood this morning, Severus thought as he sat up straighter. It was with much difficulty he managed to fling his legs over the bedside. Luckily, Madame Pomfray had turned away to fetch something in one of her cupboards, so she didn't notice his difficulties. 'Maybe I can get out of this hell' he thought smugly as he rested awhile before trying to stand up. That proved to be a bad idea, as his knees buckled under his weight. Before he got to hit the ground however, he managed to stabilise himself with the help of the bed.

"Oh good! You're already standing! Here, take this, it'll cure the headache." Madame Pomfray said as she turned around to face him. Severus straightened himself and masked his pain filled face. 'Headache? I have no headache.' he thought with a frown.

"You don't have a headache?" Madame Pomfray asked puzzled. Severus raised a brow and shook his head.

"No, I have no headache."

"Strange. The potion I gave you had headache as after effect. Are you sure?"

Severus nodded as he crossed his arms over his chest. Madame Pomfray watched him worriedly. After she'd been staring at him for some moments, she hurried over to one of the cupboards and took out a potion vial.

"I wonder if it didn't work. Well, here, take this. It'll strengthen you up a bit. After that, can you wait here?"

Severus rolled his eyes and snapped the vial out of the woman's hand.

"Yes!" He hissed, annoyed at the way she treated him. Madame Pomfray nodded and quickly left after taking the empty bottle away from him, urging him to sit down on the bed. He did so with as much pain as he'd felt while standing up. Poppy's well-trained eye did not miss his discomfort this time and her frown deepened. Quickly she left for her office to floo the Headmaster.

"Professor Dumbledore, I need to speak with you." Poppy said as her head popped up in Dumbledore's fireplace. The man smiled down at her from his desk and held out his hands in greeting.

"Well of course Poppy! What's on your mind? You seem troubled."

"Yes, I am, Headmaster. It's Professor Snape. He should be all healed by now, but he isn't. The potion I gave him yesterday to heal his wounds on the inside and outside didn't work as it was supposed to do, it seems. It should have given him an awful headache, but it didn't. I have yet to check if it really didn't work, but I don't think so. Also he, as the stubborn man he is, hides his pain so I can't be sure how grave this is. I just thought you might wanted to know."

Dumbledore nodded and stood up, feeling worried for the young man. When Poppy's head disappeared from his fireplace, he flooed down to her office.

"He's out here, Headmaster." Poppy stated as Dumbledore emerged from her fire place. She wasn't surprised that he'd come down to check on Severus.

The two of them moved from her office to the room Severus was sitting in. He'd managed to walk half the way towards the door, currently resting in a random chair. He groaned as he saw Madame Pomfray return with the Headmaster. And he who'd thought he might have gotten away. But no. Of course not.

"Severus m'boy, how are you feeling?" Dumbledore asked as he stopped in front of him. Severus took a deep breath, trying hard not to pant after his vain try to escape.

"I am perfectly fine, sir." Severus said in his cool voice, no trace of his pain lingering. Dumbledore sighed as he tried again.

"The truth, please, Severus. We cannot help you if you do not tell us what is wrong."

Severus clenched his fists as he tried hard not to yell at the man. He was fine, he didn't need help! And he did not need to be treated like a bloody child!

"With all due respect sir, I do not need any help. I am perfectly fine. All I need is my own quarters and a glass of fire whiskey." Severus sneered, glaring at the older wizard. He was in no mood to be ordered around. He'd gotten enough of that every other damned day.

"Severus Snape! You are by far the most stubborn man I've ever met! Listen to me now, you can't even stand up without flinching in pain! There is something wrong, because the potion was supposed to heal you!" Poppy bellowed, quickly losing her temper. Severus glared at her, feeling the urge to show her wrong take over. He stood up, clenching his teeth and fists as the pain quickly spread through his body.

"Madame Pomfray, I assure you that I am perfectly fine!" Severus growled, folding his arm across his chest.

"Severus." Dumbledore said in a warning voice telling him that he'd better obey. Rage filled Severus as he struggled to keep himself standing. Always all these orders to obey. The rules.

"Fine!" He said in a low, angry voice as he stood and waited for the next order one of them was bound to fling at him.

"I need you to either sit down in that chair, or in one of the beds." Madame Pomfray said firmly. Severus obeyed with a sore look and sat down on the closest bed. Madame Pomfray quickly took out her wand and muttered a spell. The wand glowed for a moment before it faded out into nothing. She started to lead the wand over Severus body and as it examined him it turned several different colours, which Madame Pomfray wrote down in a note book. When she was done, a deep frown appeared in the usual calm face. She walked over to Dumbledore and showed him her notes. He too frowned and Severus waited with frustration for one of them to speak up. But the stood there and whispered to each other. He couldn't hear what they said, which made him annoyed.

"Well?" He asked irritated as Madame Pomfray and Dumbledore returned to him.

"Well, the potion didn't work. I, and also the Headmaster, think that it is because of the Soul Connection potion of yours that runs in your blood. We think that it rejected to it and most possibly reacted in a…negative way." Madame Pomfray explained, making Severus raise a brow. He looked out of the window to his left in deep thought. 'Well, so much for freedom', he thought as he returned his attention to the two persons in front of him.

"So, what do I have to endure before getting out of here?" Severus drawled, glaring at Dumbledore and Madame Pomfray as if it were all their fault.

"Well, I need to take some blood samples and some tests to be sure of your condition. Right now you may rest. I need to get some things ready and will be back in a couple of minutes. I'll be in my office if you'll need anything." Poppy said while gesturing for him to lie down in the bed. Severus scowled at her and did not move. She sighed and started to walk away, leaving Severus alone with Dumbledore.

"How are you feeling, Severus?" Dumbledore asked again. Severus sighed as he placed his elbows on his knees, wincing at the pain in his back.

"Wonderful, just wonderful." He sneered as he gazed through the window, longingly watching the soft snowflakes make their way down towards the ground. He could hear Dumbledore sigh, but frankly, he didn't care. He felt tired and worn out as if it was just minutes ago he'd returned from the summons.

"I need to go now. I will be back later. Good evening, Severus." Dumbledore said as he eyed the man sitting on the bed, glancing out of the window as if wishing to be one of those snowflakes.

"Good evening, Headmaster." Severus mumbled and Dumbledore left. Severus could hear him speak with Madame Pomfray and concentrated hard to hear what they said. The words he could make out made his already angry self go furious.

"…What do you think...", "…Severus…", "…Weak…."

* * *

"He is really hurt, I think. What do you think about it?"

"I think that the reaction the potion caused made Severus' natural defence weaken. By the look of it, it's really weak by now…."

* * *

A/N: it's not x-mas yet! don't kill me! lol ;) I'm sorry guys but the lemon drop is away on vacation... hehe, only kidding, but I tried to get it in but it just would go too fast... I don't like it when it's fast... hehe ;P I'll try to put something lemony up for x-mas. you won't kill me if it's a bit after x-mas, would you? O.O heh, anyways, read and review!

btw, I LOVE YOUR REVIEWS! KEEP IT GOING:D LoL love you guys! oh and some of you have mentioned that the 10th chapter is weird, that it's some error or something, so that you can't get to it to read it. well, I've reposted it and I hope that it works!

-hugs you all-


	15. You’re not getting away, Severus Snape

I Find Comfort In Pain

Chapter 15, You're not getting away, Severus Snape.

"There you are Hermione! Where have you been?" Ginny shrieked as she jumped up from the couch she'd been sitting in, to run over to Hermione.

"Oh, err, I've been in the hospital wing…" She managed to say as Ginny hugged her tightly.

"What, weren't you okay?" Ginny asked worriedly, eyeing Hermione up and down as she let got.

"No, I'm fine. It's… It was Professor Snape, you see… He came back yesterday from, you know, a _meeting_." Hermione whispered as she looked around to see if there were any eavesdroppers. As she saw none, she continued. "He was dying, Ginny. Madame Pomfray confirmed that it was the mental damage that was threatening… She said that it was up to him if he wanted to live or die." Hermione broke off as last day's tears came back. Ginny stared at her as she patted her arm friendly.

"And he lived? Gee, by the way he seems to enjoy life I thought that to be impossible…" Ginny said, trying to cheer Hermione up. Which it didn't.

"You don't understand… He could've died!" Hermione hissed.

"I'm sorry Hermione, I was trying to help… But then what made him survive then?" Ginny asked curious. The sour Potions Master, a.k.a spy for Dumbledore in Voldemort's camp, didn't seem to really want to live, by the way he acted. 'I mean, who throws himself in front of Voldemort just to gather some information?' she thought as she followed Hermione over to the couch.

"I…I'm not sure… He told me, just before we fell asleep, yes Ginny I slept in the same bed as him, now shut up!" Hermione said through clenched teeth. Ginny giggled as she shrugged, urging Hermione to continue. "As I was saying…. He told me before he fell asleep that 'I had the choice, and I chose you.' So… I don't really know what he meant by that but…." Hermione was cut off by Ginny throwing her arms around her neck.

"Ginny!" she managed to gasp out. The red head only hugged her closer as she giggled.

"Isn't it obvious?" Ginny squeaked as she released Hermione. "He had the choice between life and death, remember? Now what in life is worth living for, if not love?"

Hermione blushed as she shook her head in disbelief.

"Ginny, love is a strong word…" She began.

"Yes, I know, but he said it! Well, almost. He said that he chose you!"

"Maybe… Oh Ginny! What if he doesn't feel anything for me? I mean he could be just, I don't know, using me or something! You are giving me false hope, you know that don't you?" Hermione said desperately. Ginny rolled her eyes as she crossed her arms across her chest.

"Oh please. He wouldn't do that…"

"Who wouldn't do what?" a voice interrupted her. Ginny and Hermione turned around to see Harry and Ron coming down the stairs to the boys' dormitories. Both of them stopped dead in their tracks as they saw Hermione.

"Hi." She said a bit uncomfortable. Ron stared at her with a blank expression, which quickly turned into one of anger.

"Where have you been then, huh? Off shagging Snape?" He bellowed as he strode towards the couch. His face was bright red and his fists were clenched. Hermione could feel her own temper rise at his words. She quickly stood up to face him, ready to scream on the top of her lungs. But, as the usual smart person she was, she cast a silencing charm around them. She was lucky that the common room had been empty when Ron had accused her. Otherwise she'd been in some deep trouble with the rumours a comment like that would spread.

"WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE, ACCUSING ME FOR SUCH A THING? FOR YOUR INFORMATION, _RONALD WEASLEY_, I WAS IN THE HOSPITAL WING! SEVERUS WAS DYING FOR GODS SAKE! AND WHAT DO YOU DO, HUH? _DARE TO EVEN FEEL THE SLIGHTES ANGER TOWARDS ME_!" She yelled, feeling her throat itch and sting. Ron stared at her dumbfounded. Her outburst was out of character, in his eyes, and he seemed to think that maybe, just maybe, her words wasn't true.

"I have all right in the world to be angry with you! You're off snogging _Professor Snape_! How could you choose him over me?" Ron retorted with his anger rising again.

"Isn't that one obvious? You are so immature, Ron! I never meant to hurt your feelings, but I can't be with you if that doesn't make me happy! I want you as a friend, not as a partner! You are kind and cure Ron, but not my type!" Hermione raged, putting her arms up into the air. Ron backed away one step and watched her breathe raptly after screaming.

"So you don't love me…?" He said hurt. Hermione sighed as she shook her head.

"Ron, of course I love you; As. A. Brother!" She said almost pleadingly. She was tired of their arguing, knowing there wasn't really anything to argue about. She wanted Severus, not Ron, but she wanted Ron as a friend. What was the complicated thing in that? Oh, yeah, Ron's crush. 'Damn him!Why can't he see that we wouldn't fit together?' She thought as she watched Ron think her words over. The red colour in his face was gone, and he looked calmer. But sad.

"Well… If that's how you feel…" He finally said as he shrugged, eyes on the floor.

"Friends?" Hermione asked, holding out a hand for him to take. Without lifting his gaze, Ron took it and gently shook it. Hermione smiled at him and lowered the wall of silence around them.

"You okay?" Harry asked, nervously watching the two of them let go of each others hands.

"Yes, we're fine Harry." Hermione said as she sighed. 'Friendship saved' she thought with a smile.

"Where were you then?" Harry asked, frowning slightly.

"Yeah, what were you doing in the hospital wing?" Ron asked with a puzzled look on his face.

"The hospital wing?" Harry repeated. Hermione sighed and held up her hands. 'Here we go' she thought as she asked them to sit down and listen. 'Oh joy' she thought as she told them about Severus' return from Voldemort's summon.

"Oh, well… Don't do it again Hermione. We were worried!" Harry said as he melted her words faster then Ron.

"Yeah… At least tell us where you are or something..." Ron said with a frown.

"Uh-huh! I was so worried Hermione! But since nothing happened to you, it's okay." Ginny said while grinning. Hermione gave her a smile before gazing into the fire. She wondered what Severus was doing now. Maybe he was already down in his quarters?

"You know, you can always go and check on him again." Ginny said with a twinkle. Hermione blushed and kept her eyes on the flames.

"No, I'll…" She started but Ginny broke her off. "…No, you'll go. You won't be having much fun here anyway, if you are wondering how he's doing. I know how it feels like. The way Harry keeps on being hurt and locked into that damned hospital wing, I'm really starting to get used to it though."

Harry blushed just slightly as he grinned cheekly at her comment. Hermione bit her lip and looked over to Ron. She didn't want to risk losing him as a friend.

"It's okay 'Mione. If you want to go and check on him, then you can go." Ron said with a small smile. Beaming at him, she stood up and walked over to him to give him a tight hug.

"Thanks! Don't worry; I won't be too long." She said as she left through the portrait hole.

* * *

"Where is he?"

"I don't know. Maybe he managed to floo down to his quarters."

"Shall I go and look for him?"

"Yes, that would be for the best, Poppy. If our suspicions are correct, then he is very sensitive right now. Even the smallest spell may cause him great damage and pain."

Poppy nodded as she walked over to the fireplace to floo to Professor Snape's office. Annoyed and worried over the stubborn man, Poppy entered his private office just minutes after flooing down to his office, where the man obviously hadn't been.

The living room was as empty as his office, and the same result it was in all the other rooms. Just his bedroom left then, she thought.

"Severus Snape!" Poppy called, letting her anger show in her voice. There was no answer, so she quickly took down his wards around his bedroom and entered. The curtains were hanging limply around the bed, but when Poppy removed them, she found nothing. Severus Snape most certainly wasn't anywhere down here.

* * *

Hermione debated on going to the hospital wing or just down to the dungeons. She decided that he probably was either well enough, or stubborn enough, to be down in his office or quarters. So she was carefully walking down the stairs to the dungeons.

Knocking on the door to Severus' office, Hermione waited for about five minutes before giving up. She walked further down the corridor and found the door that led to his private quarters. Swallowing the lump in her throat, Hermione knocked hard on the door. When no respond came, Hermione frowned and took a step back. Why wasn't he down here?

She putted her ear against the cool wood and listened. She could here someone talking, but couldn't make out the words. Annoyed at the way he ignored opening the door; Hermione reached for her wand and unlocked it. She was surprised to find that his wards were down, and entered with ease.

"Severus?" a voice called. Hermione stiffened. That was Poppy Pomfray's voice. What was she doing down here?

"Severus, is that you? Oh you stubborn man, what do you think you're doing, frightening us like that. You have some explaining to….." Poppy stopped dead in her fast strides and blinked at the girl in front of her. Hermione Granger?

"Wha… Where is Professor Snape?" She asked, hoping the girl knew something. She'd just been talking with Dumbledore, and he had sent the teachers out searching the castle after the brooding Potions Master.

"What do you mean 'where is he'?" Hermione asked in disbelief. Poppy smiled stiffly down at her. What to do now?

"Oh nothing Miss Granger. Shall we?" She said, gesturing for the girl to follow her outside. Hermione stood her ground however, and crossed her arms, giving Poppy a stern look.

"Is he gone? Where has he gone to? Is he even well?" She demanded to know. Poppy sighed as she urged the girl to move.

"Sit down on the couch dear."

* * *

'_I am not weak, and I will show them. How dare they? Just because wounds haven't been healed doesn't mean that I'm weak in any way! I'll show them that I even in an injured state will be useful. I bet they considered what to do with me when I'm 'too weak'. That will not happen.'_ A furious Severus Snape thought. _'They probably think me worthless as a spy. Not giving them enough information, eh? Well I get enough of that from Voldemort._

Severus had been struggling to keep his usual fast stride, but had given up and settled with a less painful pace. He felt a stinging pain in both his back and legs with every step he took, but he gracefully ignored it.

As he reached the top of the Astronomy tower, Severus stopped by the window. His anger still ringing in his ears, he opened the window with a quick jerk of his wand.

The cold wind hit his face and seemed to cool both his skin and temper down. Snowflakes whirled in and landed on his black cloak before melting down into nothing. He sighed as he closed his eyes and leaned against the wall beside the window. How he wished he could just have some peace.

Opening his eyes again, he looked over the forest. Black horses flew over the treetops, diving down at random places, disappearing from his sight. Death, he thought numbly.

He stood there for a couple of minutes, enjoying the feel and sight of the snowflakes blowing in through the window. But he finally decided to close the window and make his way back to his quarters. Even he himself had to admit that he was tired. Maybe he just needed some sleep and maybe a pepper-up potion. That probably would do it.

As he turned around to walk towards the door, it flew open and revealed a very panting Hermione Granger. She froze at the sight of him and relief washed over her. But before she could get over to him to kiss him, her anger took over.

"And exactly WHAT do you think you are doing! Sneaking away from the hospital wing! You're not well yet! Are you going to give the whole damned staff a heart attack, _sir_?" She yelled, glaring at him. Severus was tired, yes, but still had energy to fight back.

"Oh yes, not well, hm? Weak, perhaps? Not able to take care of myself?" He growled in a low, annoyed voice. Hermione blinked but held her angry expression.

"Weak? Severus, weak is not the same thing as ill!" She spat back, placing her hands on her hips.

"Is it not? Well, forgive me Hermione; I seem to be hearing bad these days." He said while glaring a small hole in her head, she was sure. She took a step closer, returning his glare. If he'd been here all the time then there hadn't been any need to worry as much as she'd done. She'd feared that he'd left the school grounds. With his body's defence weakened, any spell could cause him great damage, Madame Pomfray had told her before Hermione had gone out looking for him.

"What do you mean with your hearing being bad?"

"Oh just something I overheard Poppy and Albus discuss." He said through clenched teeth. She was coming closer, and the memory of her warm body crept into his mind.

"What was that then?" She asked, now cornering him against the closed window. Severus growled at the feel of the cold windowpane against his back.

"Oh just something about me and the word weak." Severus drawled, looking down into Hermione's brown eyes. She raised a brow at him, fighting the urge to break down in a fit of giggles. The man actually thought Dumbledore had said he was weak. Dear god. 'Well', she thought with a grin, 'at least that's not true. I better tell him.'

"That, Severus Snape, was him discussing your body's weakened defence because of the reaction between the Soul Connection potion and the potion Madame Pomfray gave you yesterday."

Severus stared down at her, angry at himself for acting so childish. He hoped that he hadn't offended Dumbledore in any way because of his escape from the hospital wing. Severus did hold a deep respect and friendly love for the man. Along with loyalty, trust and debts to be repaid, of course. Maybe that was the reason he had reacted so hurt by the words.

"What where you doing up here anyway?" Hermione asked, guessing that Severus didn't feel like apologizing just yet. He seemed grateful for the change of subject as his glare turned into a slightly softer gaze.

"Thinking." He said with a small smile. 'She really is beautiful' he thought while picturing her lying on the ground, snowflakes falling down to land on her bushy hair.

"I was worried." Hermione whispered, taking a step closer to place a hand between his chest and her own.

Severus bent down to kiss her lips, sneaking his one arm around her wait to pull her even closer.

"Don't be." He mumbled as he moved his kisses to the corner of her mouth. Hermione whimpered as she parted her lips further for him to take. Severus heard her sigh as he drew his tongue over her lower lip, finally dipping it inside of her open mouth. She quickly returned his kiss, placing her hands around his neck. The kiss deepened and got hungrier by the second. All too soon, they had to break it to breathe.

"Do you like snow?" Severus asked her as he kissed her neck, unbuttoning her shirt with steady fingers. Her moan made him smile against her skin, and he waited patently for her answer.

"Yes…" She said while sighing. He had removed her shirt now and had her bare chest exposed. Only a white bra covered the last bit of skin in his view. The part he wanted the most, for now.

With ease he unclasped and threw the bra aside, licking his lips at the sight of her nipples tightening in the cold air. Hermione gasped and tightened her grip around his neck; trying to reach his lips for a kiss. He held her at bay, however, making her growl.

"Patient, my dear." He drawled, lowering his head to capture one of her nipples in his mouth. The change between cold and sudden warmth made Hermione gasp as he swirled his tongue around. She could feel the familiar tightening in her lower stomach as her arousal rose. Too soon he left her throbbing breasts, returning his mouth to her. Hermione tugged at his clothes, eagerly taking them off. Severus could've chuckled if it weren't for his need to quicken things up a bit. Slow just wasn't an option right now, in either's eyes.

"Lay down." He said as he broke the kiss, letting go of her waist and gazing down into her eyes. Hermione swallowed and quickly obeyed; so turned on that she was now willing to do anything. Even lay down on a hard cold stone floor.

"Not there; on our clothes. Unless you want to freeze to death?" Severus said; his brow raised. Hermione blushed as she gathered the small amount of clothes and spread them out for her to lie on. Severus watched with a grin as she lied down on her back. He quickly joined her on the floor, tugging at her skirt and pulling it off.

"This should to as a small pillow…" He murmured, placing her skirt under her head while kissing her. 'Only her knickers left…' he thought as he trailed wet kisses down her chest and stomach. He ripped her panties off impatiently, earning himself a moan mixed with the minx's giggle.

"I'm being impatient?" Hermione said as she parted her legs, inviting him to take her. Severus growled but chose to ignore her as the smell of her arousal hit his sensitive nose. Bending down for the first sip, Severus started to unbutton his own pants; revealing his black underwear and hard erection. Hermione whimpered at the sight of it; remembering the feel of him inside of her. The craving for more sent her hands down to his head to grip the silken hair; urging him to hurry up.

Severus didn't wait to obey as he left her cunt to kiss her mouth. Hermione could taste herself on his tongue and lips; which only served to make her even more frustrated at the lack of release and the increasing pleasure that flew through her at Severus' every touch.

Placing himself between her legs, Severus waited a moment or two before thrusting into her. She moaned loud at the new pleasure, withering underneath him. Her tight walls squeezed themselves around his member, making him growl as he thrust harder and harder; her moans of pleasure music in his ears.

She finally came, screaming his name in ecstasy, bring him with her. He fell panting down on her, but quickly rolled over so that he wouldn't crush her.

"I hope no one heard that." Hermione whispered, realizing they hadn't warded the room. Severus too remembered that but he was too exhausted to move. Hermione took it upon herself to search for her wand and lock the door. She even putted a warming spell so that the chilly room gained some warmth. A silencing charm enfolded them too, before Hermione lay down beside Severus again, feeling content and satisfied. The sticky fluid running down her tights didn't even bother her, as she felt Severus' arms close around her.

"Don't think you're getting away just yet, Severus…" She whispered tiredly, remembering how worried she'd been when he'd been missing. 'That prank is still useful then' Hermione thought with an evil grin before closing her eyes and snuggling into his embrace.

* * *

A/N: YAY ME! Mr Lemon Drop says thanks before he bows and walks away, leaving a very happy author behind. I made it! YAY! Lemony before X-mas! How's that, huh? ;) I hope the scene was good. I personally thinks it was better than the first one. But, well, that's me folks. You must give me some credit for updating so often now! ;) Well, I felt guilty about not delivering you a nice sugary x-mas present, but here it is. It's because of you I keep on going! -dramatical music plays- hehe, oupps, still high from that sugary lemon drop ;P plz review and tell me what you think:) 


	16. Not everything goes as planned

I Find Comfort In Pain

Chapter 16, Not everything goes as planned.

Hermione had finally dragged Severus up from the floor, dressed, and followed him down to the hospital wing. She had insisted, and threatened, him to go down there. And stay. She wanted him to be examined and cured. That way, maybe he wouldn't fall asleep directly the next time they…well…a girl-err-woman has her needs, right? That was what Hermione thought about as they reached the hospital wing. Madame Pomfray was standing there with her arms crossed and was looking very, very angry. Hermione was glad that anger wasn't directed at her. The only anger that was more frightening was Severus', though his was as dangerous as scary.

"Severus Snape! What, in the name of god do you think you are doing! Never, ever, sneak out like that! You are NOT well! Now sit down and shut up, I need to examine you properly so that I can find a cure. No arguing!" Madame Pomfray raged as she dragged Severus by his arm over to the nearest bed. He growled and glared at her while she made him sit down on the soft bed.

"If you kindly would stop treating me as a child, _Madame_, then maybe, _maybe,_ this would go much easier." Severus drawled silky, crossing his arms.

"And if you would stop _acting_ like a child, then maybe I wouldn't have to treat you like one!" Madame Pomfray bit back, starting examining him as she did.

"I do not act like……" He was cut off by the sound of giggles and when he looked over to Hermione, he saw her gripping the doorframe for support as she held her other hand over her mouth.

"Sorry sir…." She gasped out as he glared at her; looking ready to kill.

"10 points from Gryffindor for laughing at a teacher." Severus growled out, which only made Hermione let go of the doorframe to grip her waist. He had to admit, in spite of himself, that she did look nice laughing. Though he wouldn't tell her. Yet.

"Miss Granger, you may leave. I'll take care of him. Sit _still_!" Madame Pomfray said, gripping Severus shoulder tightly. She had pulled at his arm, making him wince and tear away from her grip in pain.

"I am just checking where it hurts the most." was the last thing Hermione heard as she left the Hospital wing, a grin pasted on her lips for two reasons. One; she'd just watched Severus Snape act like some first year student and two; she'd just had wonderful sex with him up in the Astronomy tower. You tended to get a little giddy after that, Hermione noticed with a smile.

When she arrived in the common room, she was greeted by Ginny, Harry and Ron. Ginny came over to her, asking how things were, and naturally, it ended up with Hermione telling the little minx everything. Her violent blush made Harry and Ron wonder what the two girls talked about, and all by a sudden; Hermione was surrounded by the three of them.

"Err, he was okay. It's fine now but anyway, what have you done while I was away?" Hermione asked; eager to change the subject. Her three friends exchanged knowing grins that made Hermione very suspicious.

"What?" She asked.

"Oh well, I just _happened_ to _slip_ and just _accidentally_ told Harry and Ron about your little…prank." Ginny said while grinning widely. Hermione glared at her as the boys suppressed their own grins.

"It's okay 'Mione, we'll help you. Err, well, you don't really need help with that but, well…" Ron began, not able to hide his smile anymore.

"No, I do not need any help…" She began, glaring at Ginny. She got interrupted by Harry when he asked: "When are you going to pull it off then?"

A sly smile spread across Hermione's lips as she thought it over. Tomorrow, yes, tomorrow would be perfect. Just when the other would be busy with something else. Say an explosion?

"Tomorrow, during the potions lesson" She said grinning.

* * *

"Are you sure this is going to work?" Harry hissed while they sat down in the back of the classroom. Hermione rolled her eyes and waited. Ron came and sat down with them, and before he could open his mouth to ask the same question, Hermione nodded. 

"It is going to work for the hundredth time!" she said annoyed. The boys fell silent as their dreaded Potions professor entered the room, making all of them stiffen.

"I trust you have read and prepared for the last stage of the Veritaserum?" his silken voice drawled coldly. The students kept quiet. "Ah, no? Well, let us just hope that something…unfortunate will happen, shall we? What are you waiting for? The instructions is on the board. Get started!" He barked, making all of them jump in their seats.

"I'm starting to have second thoughts…" Hermione mumbled as she and her friends walked over to the ingredient cupboard.

"Why? I mean this is perfect!" Ron said with a grin.

"Because he seems kinda pissed right now, don't you think? He's not stupid, you know. He'll figure out that it was me and he's going to kill me!" Hermione spat back.

"Or he'll blame it all on me without any logical reason." Harry put in, shrugging his shoulders.

"Yeah, that would be him alright." Ron muttered. Hermione sighed and bent down to catch a half rotten mushroom for the potion.

"I'm done. You can stand here and talk forever if you want. Professor Snape is walking over here, just so you know." Hermione whispered before doing a quick escape.

Ron muttered something under his breath, making Harry bite his tongue and Snape raise a brow.

"Really Mr Weasley?" he said as he approached. "20 points from Gryffindor for your….ugly...mouth. Get to work, both of you!"

They didn't hesitate, hurrying over to where Hermione sat.

"Get this over with, alright?" Ron whispered; ears red as his hair. Hermione bit her lip but didn't comment.

"You have your Veritaserum first stage in front of you, except Mr Longbottom and Mr Malfoy, and will do the second state. After Christmas break, we will complete it with the third stage. Understood?"

The class nodded, not daring to make a sound. Not even the Slytherins, Hermione noted.

"Not that I believe you, but good. Mr Longbottom, pair up with Mr Weasley, Mr Malfoy par up with Mr Potter. Your potions will be the responsibility of both. It will be on your final grade; remember that." He growled as he glared at the four students. He hoped that they wouldn't be too thick to try and destroy the potions for the other.

Severus sat down by his desk and enjoyed the silence as the class started working. He held his eyes and ears firmly awake from any sign of trouble. Who would have guessed teaching potions demanded strong concentration? 'Ah well', he mused, 'it only serves to sharpen my concentration that way. Makes spying easier. Not easier, but at least it's for something good.'

Hermione watched his black eyes scan the room for any trace or hint of trouble. She wondered if she would make it, or if he would catch her before she even could bend down for that little piece of powder in her bag.

Slowly, eyes glued to him and his every move, Hermione bent down and quickly took the little box containing the blue powder into her pocket. He hadn't noticed. He was currently glaring at Neville. Hermione let out a breath she didn't know she'd been holding and continued to work at her potion. She waited for another moment to move, signalling to Harry to be prepared. 'Why am I doing this? I get this déjà vu. Ah, right, second year.' Harry thought bitterly as he returned Hermione's signal with a nod.

Hermione returned to wait for the perfect moment, which came shortly after. She nodded at Harry who quickly threw what look like, and was, a firework in Pansy Parkinson's cauldron. It took only a few seconds, and it exploded. Hermione had been very careful when planning it. She'd made sure that the Veritaserum did not react in any way in the unfinished state it was in. And Pansy wasn't all that bad in potions, so Hermione could count on that her potions was at least very near the real one.

It didn't take long for Severus to be at Pansy's side, examining her cauldron. Hermione quickly spelled the blue powder to hit him in the back, hoping it would work. Though as the powder started to leave her little box, something blonde flashed past her along with something black. She could feel magic spark through the air, magic that unsettled her nerves. She saw in a blur as Severus turned around, reaching for his wand but too late, and then……

* * *

A/N: LOL! ;) I am sooo sorry it took me so long to update! First, my computer crashes and then my internet is out of function! I mean come one give me a break I nearly killed the machine I got stressed out I had so much to do on this damned thing and well one other thing that kept me from posting was the damned prank. I'm sorry folks but well...I am no humor writer. I suck at it. so I decided a little twist would be fun to put in here. Now I wonder what happened? >:) leave a review, please? 


	17. A long eternity

I Find Comfort In Pain

Chapetr 17, A long eternity.

"Where..?" Someone asked curious. It was perfectly quiet in the cold dungeon. The only sounds were those from the boiling potions in the cauldrons spread around the room. Several students in the room blinked and watched the empty place where there should be someone standing. Stunned, to say the least, Pansy Parkinson looked over to Draco Malfoy who was rolling his wand between his fingers innocently.

"What..?" She whispered to him, but got interrupted by the familiar 'plop' ripping through the silence.

"I fetch Professor Dumbledore Miss, yes I do." a squeaky voice said. Pansy turned just in time to see a house elf disappear. She wondered what to do now. She didn't want to speak with the Headmaster. It was all Draco's fault, she could tell by the look on his face. Damn him, she thought as she waited along with the rest of the class for the Headmasters appearance.

* * *

Severus winced at the pain in his back as he fought the urge to open his eyes and reveal to, whatever there was around him, that he was awake.

He noticed that he was lying down on a hard ground. Managing to keep his breathing deep and shallow, Severus sniffed in the scents around him. Musky, old air, water. Severus grunted; something dead. He could feel the stinging scent of corpse. 'Where, or where, has my luck sent me to this time?' he thought with a rising feeling of panic. He didn't dare to open his eyes just yet. He listened for a sound. The hard ground underneath him was wet and cold. Minutes went by, but nothing. He started to relax just a bit and decided to open his tightly shut eyelids. His scream didn't leave his lips at the sight.

Why had he ruled out the possibility of a Silencing charm?

* * *

"Miss Parkinson, tell me again what happened." Dumbledore said in a calm voice. Pansy worried her lip as she took a deep breath. The man didn't believe her, she knew.

"I was working on my potions when something came flying into it. A firework, it seems. Professor Snape came over to me to see what had happened, I reckon. He was just about to turn around when something happened. I saw something black hit him, but other then that, I don't know. One second he was here, and the other he was gone." She repeated. Dumbledore looked thoughtful and watched his students stand around the classroom. He was surprised when Draco Malfoy raised his hand.

"Mr Malfoy?"

"Sir, I think I know what happened." He drawled, a smug smile lurking in the corner of his mouth. Pansy shot him a suspicious look but said nothing.

"Yes?"

"I saw Granger here do something suspicious just before Professor Snape disappeared." He continued, grey cold eyes never leaving Dumbledore's face. Hermione's face went white as she stared at the boy with disbelief. Surely he wasn't…?

"See that little box with blue powder on the floor?" He said. "She sent that powder on Professor Snape. I saw it. His back was turned at the time, but when he got hit he had almost turned around fully. I guess he sensed something coming his way. Do you reckon?"

Dumbledore watched the boy silently before bending down to pick the blue powder up. He looked at Hermione for some sort of denial, some sort of brilliant comment that would make her a none-suspect to all this. Nothing came.

"Miss Granger, a word with you, please?" He said sadly.

"But Professor! You can't actually believe that Hermione did it! Maybe it was an accident!" Ron said desperately. Hermione shook her head at him, following Dumbledore out of the classroom.

"I will have a word with you, Mr Malfoy, and you too, Miss Parkinson, when I have talked with Miss Granger. The rest of you are dismissed." Dumbledore said, holding the door to Professor Snape's office open. Hermione went inside and quietly sat down, head bent.

"Miss Granger, I do believe that it was just an accident. Even if that is the case, this is very serious. I need to hear your version of it all, and the truth, please." Dumbledore said, still standing. Hermione nodded quietly, and as Dumbledore went over to light the fire, she began to explain.

"It was just….I was just going to….it was just a prank. It wasn't meant to turn out this way… I…I had the box in my hands and charmed the powder to…to hit Professor Snape in his back but…." Hermione fell silent. The powder hadn't reached him. It hadn't…it wasn't…

"Sir!" Hermione called, not noticing that she had tears running down her cheeks. "The powder never hit him! I saw…I'm certain…Something blonde and black. It went so fast, but I felt magic sir. It unsettled me, the black light. It was magic, and as Pansy said, sir, the black was the thing that hit Professor Snape! Not the blue powder! Please, sir, it wasn't me!"

Dumbledore smiled, relieved, and nodded.

"That is possible. Though what if the powder had some sort of reaction on the potion? Somehow, maybe it turned black?"

"No, it couldn't! I checked that up, sir, so that nothing dangerous would happen!" Hermione said, looking him in the eye, desperate to get this over with. He's gone, and has to get back, she thought.

"Stay here, Miss Granger, while I fetch Mr Malfoy." Dumbledore said while leaving the office. Hermione was left with a tingling feeling in her stomach. She felt unsettled. Suddenly, as if someone had punched her in the stomach, the feeling of panic hit her. It disappeared after a while. Hermione sat panting as she shook her head. Where the hell had that come from?

"Mr Malfoy, this way please." She heard Dumbledore say. Trying to relax, Hermione closed her eyes and breathed in and out in deep, shallow breaths. When she opened them again, she screamed. A high pitched scream made its way out of her mouth at the sight before her.

_The walls, covered with black dirt along with dark brown stone and green mould, was formed in sharp, dangerous shapes. It almost looked like someone had just dropped a bomb down a little hole in a mountain; causing it to be formed into a cave of some sort. The ground was hard and cold with some puddles of water here and there, and was as smooth as ice. Someone had apparently laid down a lot of work to make it perfect. The scent was musky and sickening; probably because of the air being locket inside for too long. The ceiling was nowhere to be seen; only blackness covered the space above. An unsettling atmosphere hung in the place. It wasn't the scent or the look of this place that was close to madness. It was the chains that lay spread around the cave, or room, that sent chills down ones spine. The, hopefully, dead people who's hands were bound to the rusting chains gave the room a much more frightening look. The unfamiliar stench of dead reached Hermione before she could close her mouth from screaming. The sound of her scream echoed through the dead silence in the room. She couldn't help but feel like it wasn't heard. Tears ran down her cheeks as she tried to close her eyes. She whished this nightmare would end, yet she was still there. Her eyes were fixed upon the people chained to the wall. Their thin arms, pale skin, torn clothes. From somewhere deep inside of her she could hear muttering. Concentration on the weak, familiar sound, Hermione finally closed her eyes. "Dead, hopefully. Tortured? Hmm, likely.. Where the bloody hell am I?" _

"Miss Granger!" a voice called. Hermione stared blankly at the face in front of her. Dumbledore. Severus. She was certain it was him she'd heard. Was he there? In that room? Her hands were shaking, as was she. Tears blurred her vision as she turned her head to look at a confused Draco Malfoy. Anger overtook her. It was he who had sent Severus to that place! She was surprised she hadn't thrown up yet at the sight of those dead people.

"You! YOU! You BRAT! WHAT DID YOU DO TO HIM!" She screamed, standing up and walking over to the blonde boy. He was shocked and didn't move. Which was stupid, because Hermione slapped him the hardest she could over his face; causing him to almost fall backwards.

"Miss Granger! Kindly behave yourself and explain what just happened. Mr Malfoy, I will talk to you later. Wait outside again and tell Miss Parkinson that I won't need to speak with her right now; she may go back to her common room." Dumbledore said smoothly, taking Hermione by her shoulder and leading her back to the chair.

Draco left without another word, hand on his red cheek and eyes meeting the glare from Hermione.

"Now, Miss Granger, what happened? I heard you scream, and then you just stared blankly into nothing. I couldn't get your attention. What happened?" Dumbledore asked concerned, this time sitting down by the desk, where, Hermione noted, Severus should be sitting.

She took a deep breath before feeling strong enough to tell him. Her vision was still blurred by her tears as she described the room and what she'd seen. It took her all her willpower to finish the story.

"It must have been the Soul Connection, sir. I saw through his eyes… I even heard his thoughts at the end…" Hermione whispered, eyes searching hope in Dumbledore's blue ones.

"Did he know where he was?" He finally asked. Hermione bit her lip to stop herself from crying even more. He didn't know.

"No, he didn't know where he was… Don't you? Sir?" Hermione knew it was in vain to ask, she already knew the answer, yet she asked.

"Miss Granger, I do not know where he is. But don't give your hopes up yet. I will talk to Mr Malfoy. You can go to your common room and get some rest. And no doubt talk with Mr Potter and Mr Weasley about this." Dumbledore said with just a slight twinkle in his blue eyes. Hermione gave him a sad smile as she stood up on shaky legs.

"But if you're not feeling well, Miss Granger, then maybe a visit to the hospital wing?" Dumbledore suggested as he gently took a hold on Hermione's elbow to keep her steady. She shook her head as she steadied herself.

"I'll be fine, thanks you sir." She said as they walked over to the door.

"Good. Oh and would you mind to send Mr Malfoy back in here, Miss Granger?"

Hermione shook her head as she left the room. She walked into the classroom and looked around. 'I will not hex the damned ferret until he can't walk. Or breathe. I will not hex the damned ferret until he can't walk. Or breathe. I will not hex the damned ferret until he can't walk. Or breathe.' She thought to herself as she glared at the back of Draco.

"The Headmaster wants to see you again, in Professor Snape's office." Hermione said coldly. Draco turned around and grinned evilly at her.

"You know Snape was set out to protect you? Ah well, he won't be around for a while." Draco sneered smugly as he passed Hermione. She stared blankly at the wall as she tried hard not to ask the damned brat what the hell he was talking about. She would not give him that pleasure.

Taking a deep, calming breath, Hermione turned around and left the potions classroom to go and find her two best friends. She needed to have someone to bounce ideas on and off on, i.e. Harry Potter. Ron could be there as a…err…friend, Hermione thought.

* * *

"Give me my wand, god dammit!" Severus growled at the woman sitting by the wall grinning madly. 

"No, I can't." she said sweetly. Severus breathed in sharply as he tried to control himself.

"And why not?" he finally managed to ask, teeth clenched.

"I don't want to. And if I don't want to, I can't give it to you." she told him matter-of-factly. She was spinning his wand around on the floor and humming softly, her eyes fixed on him.

"Why, why me?" He whispered in an almost desperate tone.

"Excuse me? I didn't quite catch that…" The woman interrupted, now placing his beautiful, wonderful, black, expensive wand behind her ear. It was nice to say she was covered in dirt. It was less nice to say she was a living shitball, but he just thought that so no harm done.

"Nothing, nothing at all…" He said sighing. This was going to be a long eternity, seeing it as his wand was in the hand of this…this…shit-…okay, _woman_, and she showed no intention to let him get it back…only letting his ears suffer and, he thought bitterly, I and no one else have the slightest fucking idea where the hell I am. A long eternity indeed.

* * *

A/N: lol poor snape! just wait and see, lol. anyway, I've posted two chapters today, one with an awful cliffe, and this with...err...no cliffe ;) I hope you liked it! plz give me reviews, I can't stand my empty mailbox! (too occ? plz tell me) 


	18. Just a simple question

I Find Comfort In Pain

Chapter 18,Just a simple question...

When Severus had opened his eyes and taken the first look around this place, he had been horrified. The dead, mangled bodies chained to the wall had given him chills and the cave in general was quite cold. It had been somewhat of a surprise though to see a woman with his wand in her hands smiling at him as if she'd just received her Christmas present. She'd scared the hell out of him, of course, but when she took off the silencing charm and assured him that she couldn't hurt him; because she didn't want to, he'd calmed down.

"Don't worry strange man; I can't hurt you. I don't want to, so I can't. And besides; I'm chained to the wall!"

Her voice wasn't scratchy or dull as he would've expected by the way she looked. It was soft and would've been pleasant to listen to if it wasn't for that high pitched tone that would taint every word with its own madness. She'd been alone for too long, he was sure.

After the shock and the illness had passed, Severus quite confused state was replaced by the urge to get away for here as soon as possible. It had turned out to be impossible by the way the woman kept her mouth babbling. She had his wand in a steady grip and he knew taking it by violence would be in vain. She seemed able to do magic in an acceptable strength, but not enough to get herself out of the chains or even out of the damned cave.

So Severus was left with no wand, a babbling woman and his own thoughts.

"Oh and I remember when I was thirteen, when my mum had bought me this lovely dress, and she'd promised to take me to this big ball…."

_If I can't get her to give me my wand by asking, maybe I can't try to persuade her to give it to me? Maybe she wants a deal of some kind…_

"….and when I saw that wonderful castle I thought I was to faint! It had the same colour as ice and the roof was glittering in snow and silver! It was a sight I'll never forget…."

…_I can almost bet she wants her freedom if I am to make a deal. Ah well I wouldn't leave her here anyway so she won't get anything out of the deal. I'll be the only one to really win something…_

"…And when he asked me for a dance, I just wanted to sink through the floor... He was so cute that boy. My first crush if I remember it correctly. You know what Lola said about that? Lola is the one over there. She's been dead for a week now. Anyway, she said 'I can see why' and I agree with her. He had light blonde hair and blue eyes. A little angel. And the surrounding wasn't out of place either. It was snowing inside the ball room, you know, these little blue snowflakes. They never touched the ground though. Only one of the tallest wizards got covered in snow…."

_Oh, that's it! What do women like to hear most? About love, of course! Okay, I don't exactly know that, but this one seems to be in for it. Just hope she'll fall for a lie though…_ Severus though as he had finally listened to some piece in the woman's speech. Something about her first crush or something. Blue snow? Was the woman crazy? Oh, stupid question… But who wants blue snow?

"Oh, how very lovely." Severus drawled, hoping to get her shut up long enough for him to steer the conversation in the right direction. Which wasn't needed considering the woman's interest in himself, he noticed.

"Yes, isn't it? But how about you then, strange man? Do you have a wife, girlfriend, love?" She asked in a sweet voice. Severus clenched his teeth but willed himself to carry on and get it over with.

"Hmm, ah well… She's…no, it's none of your business." Severus said in a quiet voice, hoping he didn't sound too dismissal. He didn't want her to give up and start babbling on about something else.If his plan worked then she wouldbelieve that he had to get back to his _dear_ girlfriend or something. If that didn't convince her to let him go, then the deal was in. His wand, and her freedom. It was worth a try.

"Come on you. Oh I almost forgot! I've been talking away… My name is Marion McAllen! What's yours?"

The sudden turn in direction unsettled Severus as he gave her a suspicious glance. _She could be someone to pump me on information… Maybe she isn't just a hostage as everyone else probably was? It seems strange that only she is alive of the lot…at least I hope she's the only one…_

"My name is Severus Snape." He finally answered, having decided that he didn't want her, or anyone else, to know he was suspicious.

"Oh! That's an unusual name, it is. So, Severus, was it? Um, okay, where were we? Ah, love!"

Her happy voice, now lacking the annoying high pitched tone, startled him. He felt irritation wash over him as she smiled. _Talking about love as if it taking it for granted. Sounds too Gryffindor to be true. _

"Ah, yes…" He managed to say as he tugged at his cloak, willing himself to breathe calmly.

"You didn't answer my question, Severus! Love, remember?"

He felt something within him steer at those words. Anger filled him, but not his own. The tickling, innocent feeling of someone in his mind made him lose his concentration. _Hermione!_

Silence. Dark. Nothing.

* * *

"Come on Hermione! He'll be back! Dumbledore is looking for him, I'm sure. He'll get Malfoy to talk…" Ginny said, patting Hermione's hand.

They were sitting in the common room all four of them. Harry and Ron was watching the worried and guilty look on Hermione face as Ginny continued to assure her that it was all just fine.

Neville, who had been there minutes earlier asking what had happened, had left after getting the whole truth out of them.

"What happened? Are you alright Hermione" He'd asked. When Hermione hadn't answered, Ron had filled him in on the prank and Draco's, as he suspected 'spell', had made Snape disappear.

"Oh… So Dumbledore is trying to find out where he is, right?" Neville had asked, getting an answer from Harry this time.

After that there had been silence and Neville had watched Ginny comfort Hermione with discomfort. He wondered why she was so worried. Maybe she was just guilty about the prank thing. It was Hermione after all, and she didn't do thing like that without a reason or two.

"Err, so what was this 'blue powder' supposed to do anyway?" Neville had asked after sensing that the silence was too heavy. He got startled when Hermione answered.

"I give you the words 'sneeze' and 'blue'. The rest is for your imagination." She'd said, her eyes fixed on the fireplace. Neville had frowned and tried to ask more, but both Harry and Ron shook their heads at him. He decided to leave them alone for a while, seeing it as Hermione would like to have some time with just her closest friends.

"Oh well, I'm tired and I'll just go to bed. See you later guys." He'd said, receiving small good evenings before climbing the stairs to the boys' dorm.

Hermione had reminded silent the rest five minutes and it had taken Ginny to get the boys to leave before Hermione finally broke down. She'd had this feeling that neither Harry nor Ron would take her feelings right now any well. She was sure they would dismiss it as guilt for having tried to pull a prank, and shame for having Dumbledore discovering her. That was probably what they thought right now, she mused while tears soaked her friends shoulder.

"You really do feel for him strongly, do you?" Ginny asked quietly while embracing her older friend. When she didn't get any other answer then a small nod followed by a weak sniff, she continued. "I mean, you don't cry very often. The only times that I've heard about is the incident in your first year. I still hate Ron for that, the great brat. That was once. And then in your fourth year…when Professor Snape said that awful thing to you… 'I can't see any different' bloody bat. Now I wonder why you cry because the same man is gone? None of it is your fault, y'know."

Hermione stopped sobbing and broke the embrace. She nibbled her lip as she gazed into Ginny's friendly eyes.

"You know that a lot have happened. I've…we're…oh you know the Soul Connection and all. The first time…when I agreed to break the Connection in the way he had tried to avoid, I…I kinda started to like him even more… But guess I started seeing him as a human, and not a great big bat that just happened to be a professor, for about…a month ago, I think. Did I tell you about when he came back after that Death Eater meeting? I did, oh, okay… You know what's been stuck in my mind ever since?"

Ginny looked at Hermione with a raised brow. 'This sounds as serious as it gets…I wonder how he feels though. What if he doesn't feel the same for her?' Ginny thought sadly. It would break Hermione if he didn't, she knew. Even if Hermione herself would be too stubborn to realize what she's feeling in the first place. 'Schoolgirl-crush my ass'

"No, what?"

"He said, after I pointed out that he must've been in a lot of pain….shut up Ginny! I was nervous and worried. The man was covered in blood!"

'Good,' thought Ginny with a grin'she's almost like herself again.'

"As I was saying… He told me that he finds comfort in pain. After he'd left I was confused by his words. But he'd seemed so…real when he'd spoken them. I wished then and now that he would just…I dunno…look for me for comfort. It would…mean a lot to me." Hermione said with a low voice. Her eyes now resumed watching the flames in the fireplace, and Ginny could see her tears dry.

"I think that's why…they way I see him now. He's changed things Ginny. I do feel for him, but what if it's just a crush?" Hermione mumbled. Her voice sounded far off and dreamy, as if she was somewhere else.

Indeed she was. She wasn't looking at the fire in front of her; she was looking at a woman's face. It was dirty and aged, yet she looked kind and friendly. Her eyes where a boring shade of grey, while her hair could've been flaming red as the Weasley's, if it wasn't for the lack of washing.

She saw the woman's lips move, but she couldn't hear her voice. All she could hear was the silky murmuring somewhere deep inside. It was his thoughts, Hermione thought absently. It was as if she was thinking hard, yet she wasn't. It wasn't her thoughts. It was Severus', but she couldn't hear them.

Suddenly she heard the woman's smooth voice speak. "…my first crush if I remember it correctly…it was snowing, you know, blue snow…" It seemed as if Hermione was unable, or too uninterested, to hear the rest. Not even when she concentrated so hard that her eyes closed and her face screwed up in a grimace did she hear anything else but the calming murmuring of his thoughts.

She felt smugness fill her, and the sound of his thoughts increased. '…_this one seems to be in for it. Just hope she'll fall for…' _was what she heard before they feeling of smugness and the sound of thoughts disappeared. It was silent for a while, as well as dark, before the feeling of suspicion washed over her. She saw the woman again, and watched her move her lips. The suspicion was replaced by irritation, and Hermione wondered what the woman was saying to cause Severus such a feeling. She looked so happy. How could he be annoyed? 'Oh, this is Severus Snape we're talking about Hermione' she thought with a strange feel of totally numbness. It was as if she was lost in this vision. Hermione didn't mind though, as she started to concentrate real hard on what was happening. Maybe the woman was helping him?

'_Talking about love as if it taking it for granted. Sounds too Gryffindor to be true.' _Hermione heard him thinking. She couldn't help herself but smiled. Always a remark on Gryffindor. She was too lost to take the words to her heart and understand the meaning of the bitterness he thought it with, and that was a pity. The surprised feeling he felt made Hermione able to hear through his ears as well as see through his eyes.

"_You didn't answer my question, Severus! Love, remember?"_ the woman said sweetly. Hermione jerked her soul away. She ran, if that was possible, she didn't know or care, from the cave. She ran through the darkness with a hurt feeling inside. She disguised it with anger and suddenly found herself lying on the floor in Gryffindor's common room panting and crying. Ginny sat by her side but didn't say anything. She was holding Hermione's hand and looking worried and scared.

Hermione sniffed as she willed her mind to think about the woman's words logically. It could've been any question! It doesn't have to be about _his_ love for _her._ Somehow, she didn't look into that possibility. She just ignored the call in her mind after her, and the empty feeling left in her soul.

_'Hermione!'_

* * *

A/N: okay, sorry for the delay, school just started ;) and that means less updates, just so you know. I'll try to update as often as possible, but you know...school _is_ as important as boring.

I hope you liked this chapter :) I enjoyed writing about the madwoman. ;) or I just enjoyed making sev suffer...hrm...he wasn't harmed! ;P lol, anyway, review, plz? makes my updating faster :)

and btw; Thank YOU for your WONDERFUL reviews! I love them:D and I've come to the conclusion that either smut or threatening about taking sev or mione's life (I'm evil, that may happen, lol) makes you guys leave more reviews. so I guess I'll just have to make more of those two things, right? ;) let's see what comes firts...

-hugs-


	19. Lost memories

I Find Comfort In Pain 

Chapter 19, Lost Memories.

Severus shifted uncomfortable where he sat by the wall. He hadn't slept for what felt like days. It probably just had gone a couple of hours; he didn't know. The woman, Marion McAllen-something, was sound asleep with his wand tightly held against her dirty chest. Severus wrinkled his nose in disgust but turned his head away. He had a dull feeling in his chest, but he ignored it. It didn't go too well; since he had nothing to do but think. And his thoughts, no matter how hard he tried to remember every potion in the new book he bought last summer, always wandered back to _her_. Why was she gone now all of a sudden? He'd felt her presence, but then she just disappeared. Why?

"This is going to be the death of me…women…" Severus muttered as he forced his thoughts back to what had happened. He'd tried to convince Marion to give him his wand back, and when that didn't work, he'd tried to make a deal. It hadn't worked with that either; she'd just smiled and shook her head. 'Why am I feeling that something just isn't right?' Severus thought desperately as the worried feeling in his stomach increased. 'There is something more to this then just having me stuck here.' He continued, trying to make up a plan in his tired mind. He'd been without sleep many times; and probably about half of the times it'd gone more then just a day. But now he'd been alert; thinking; not knowing where he was, what all this was about, or how to get out. The problem was that he tried to work out a plan that would work for all of his dilemmas instead of take one thing at a time. 'Can't afford that' he thought as he swept his gaze over the more and more darkened room.

'Maybe…' he thought, scratching his chin thoughtfully. 'That could work… I just hope I won't fall asleep on real…'

* * *

Hermione nibbled nervously on her toast; feeling like a truck just had hit her. She'd done something wrong last night. She'd regretted it the moment she'd walked into her dorm. 

She feared that she'd broken the Connection.

When she'd seen that woman, she'd felt uncomfortable. It had just been the beginning, it seems. She now knew that it probably could be anything; but then, when she'd heard the word 'love' come out of that woman's mouth; she hadn't. 'Why did I react like that?' Hermione thought as she swallowed the bit of toast in her mouth.

An aching feeling in her chest had been there ever since she'd heard his voice call her name. Strange how it'd felt as if it was all she wanted; and yet a feeling of confusion lingered. What was all this about?

Hermione absently rubbed the place where her heart beat, and took a deep gulp of milk in an attempt to make her dry mouth and throat less annoying. It almost tickled when she breathed; so dry was her throat

It was very early in the morning and Hermione was the only student in the Hall. In fact; she was the only one there. It was totally empty, but it was fine with her. She needed the silence. Even thought it kept her mind firmly on Severus only.

'Oh dear…what if I've broken the Connection? How will I have a chance to ever find him then?' Hermione thought while standing up; not seeing where she was going. Dumbledore had been talking to Draco, she knew that, but she was certain the bastard wouldn't say anything of use. It would be just like him. So, during the long night she'd managed to get through, Hermione had looked upon her choices in the matter.

She could let it all go and let Dumbledore do all the work, which probably was the smart and easy choice, or she could try and talk to her friends about it and ask for help; which really wasn't an option seeing it as Harry and Ron barely managed to deal with the thought of Hermione 'liking' Snape, as they put it. And then there was the option of her going after him herself. She didn't like it; and it wasn't a choice she would take if the other ones still worked; which made her decide to let Dumbledore search for Severus for the moment. But that didn't mean that she wasn't able to look up on some information. Maybe she could help by doing that? It had worked before.

What she really needed to know first of all was if the Connection really was broken. 'He'd said that the only way to break it was to use that potion of his…along with the ritual…' A blush coloured her cheeks as she stopped by the staircase in the entrance hall. 'I need to read more about tha-but it's his discovery! It wouldn't stand anything about it in the library…restricted section or not…damn…' Hermione stood thinking for a while. It was important; it was what she needed to know to get started.

A smile stretched her tightly pinched lips. 'I'll just see if he has notes about it in his office or something then….it wouldn't hurt…he isn't even here!' She changed her course and chose to take the stairs down to the dungeons instead of walking back up to Gryffindor tower. 'Why wait? There's still time before the students wake up...' she thought nervously; hoping no Slytherins would be up walking in this hour of the morning.

* * *

"I thought I told you to make him talk? I said I needed information… Really, you disappoint me _Marion._" a cold voice drawled. Marion turned around; feeling her heart beat faster then it had done in a very long time. She tried to swallow the lump in her throat but it didn't work. The black cloaked figure approached her where she was standing; wand in hand. 

"I-I'm really trying…b-but…" She started. The man hushed her softly before grabbing her throat. Marion gasped and wriggled in his grip. Black dots appeared almost immediately before her eyes. She tried to speak; ask him to stop. But as her knees were about to bend he let go. She fell down to the ground but she hadn't fainted.

"Trying? Is trying when all you get out of him is that he has a girlfriend? Don't you think I know this man? I know how he thinks. He doesn't know much about how to use women, but he knows how to manipulate. He wanted your compassion, slut! He has no girlfriend! He wouldn't even be able to have a slut like you! He's tired now; it's a miracle that he allowed himself to fall asleep, and he should be easier to trick. The next time I see you I want you to have something useful to tell me, understand? You now have a deadline dear. Sadly I can't pump him on information myself, to get it faster… He is not to be harmed; the plan wouldn't work then… No; cunning is in use for this situation…"

The man dragged her up to stand in front of him. She stared at him like a frightened animal while his cold grey eyes pierced her painfully; making her insides freeze. He stepped up close to whisper in her ear. The warm breath tickled her skin, but she was too numb to care.

"You don't want to end up like your sister, now would you? And let me tell you this; I can make it even more painful just for you, my sweet." He'd whispered so quietly that Marion barely heard it herself. He pushed her away and turned around to leave. Marion breathed fast and sharp. His black cloak billowed behind him as he left through the long tunnel. It would take him several hours to walk up those tunnels to get to the surface. Tiredly Marion walked back to the cave, whose entrance was hidden in the wall. It would take one days to find it if you didn't know how to get inside.

She stopped in front of the entrance and silently drew her fingers over the place where the man's hand had been. There were probably burses there already. She wondered how she was to get information out of the mysterious man in the cave. She felt there was something she was supposed to remember…there was something she missed…

"What does he want? What do they plan?" a voice hissed. Marion was about to turn around, wand ready, but strong hands gripped her wrist so tightly that she had to let go of the wand. She cried out in pain as the man swept his other hand down and took the wand up; making her wrist turn in a abnormal angle.

As he stood up; he pointed his wand at her; face only inches from hers. His black eyes seemed to glitter dangerously in the dark little 'room' they stood in.

"Answer me!" He hissed, pushing her up the wall. Marion gasped and closed her eyes; afraid of what she'd see in his eyes.

"No-no-no-no! Please don't make me!" She pleaded. Severus wondered where her sweet voice had gone; the one she'd used when she'd talked so annoyingly much. He tightened his grip around her wrist even more which made her try to jerk it away.

"Answer!" He growled. "What was Lucius Malfoy doing down here? What does he need me for? What information? Answer!"

Marion bit her tongue and tried to stop the tears from running down her cheeks. What was she to do? By the look of it; either way she'd be dead.

"Please…He'll kill me…Please…." She tied again. The man didn't seem to listen as he jerked her arm up to press it over her head. She screamed at the sudden pain but the sound almost got caught in her throat.

"Tell me now…" His voice was low and she didn't dare to disobey anymore.

"He-he wants to know who you're really working for…but that's not why you're here…he has other orders from You-Know-Who…the plan…" Marion gasped out, trying to get out of his grip. Severus had to hit her against the wall to get her still.

"What orders? What is their plan?"

Marion gasped and shook her head. Her back hurt terribly. He gave her a warning glare, but she continued to shake her head. She mumbled to herself as she tried to remember. There was something…. He hit her against the wall again; making her yelp.

"I don't remember! I promise! Please…" She sobbed while hanging limp against his grip. Severus looked into her eyes and nodded.

"Memory charm." He dismissed before casting Legilimens. Marion, who was unprepared, started screaming at the invasion of her private thoughts and memories. He had to cover her mouth to muffle the sound enough for it to not drag anyone's, or anything's, attention.

Severus saw several jumps in her memory; she really didn't have much left. What he saw was only the cave. Nothing before that. He saw her walk through the hidden entrance, but then it was blank. He pushed himself further into her mind; breaking the barriers. The one who'd removed the memories clearly hadn't counted on someone really trying to find them at the poor job they'd done to remove them. Yet he noticed that some memories really was beyond repair. 'There isn't much I'll find, is it?' he thought.

Suddenly Severus managed to break in to the memories she had left and they started to flash through his and hers mind. It went too fast for him to really see anything. Then it all went still. It all stopped. He was still in her mind; she was still under his control. He started to take a look through her memories. He needed to know. There was something more then just some information needed from him. Their plan. He needed to know.

_He was standing in the Great Hall in Hogwarts to his big surprise. As he looked around he saw a line of young students stand in the path up to the teachers' table. The sorting, Severus thought. _

_He saw McGonagall stand by the old stool; parchment in hand along with the hat. Dumbledore sat at his usual seat; observing the student with interest. Severus frowned. 'Why am I in this memory? Why even remove this memory?' It didn't make any sense. _

_"McAllen, Karen." McGonagall's voice suddenly said loud and clear. Severus looked around and spotted a young girl walk slowly up to the stool; face white and fists clenched. She slowly sat down, eyes locket at the Slytherins' table. Puzzled; Severus followed her gaze. She was staring at… Severus gave a snort in disbelief… Him? 'I was a student.' Severus thought, looking back at the girl. 'Why remove this memory?' _

_"GRYFFINDOR!" the hat yelled. It took a while before the girl moved. Severus walked away from the place he'd been standing by to take a closer look on himself. When was this? How old was he? At least he'd now how old the so-called __Marion__ was, if it rally was she who'd been sorted. It was possible that she had a different name. At least the last name was the same, Severus thought. _

_He gave the girl a quick glance before returning his attention to the black haired boy by the Slytherin table. 'Ah. Third year.' Severus noted. The boy as sitting alone; his black eyes on his plate. _

_Severus had been alone up to his fourth year. It was then Lucius Malfoy had started to notice the boy's knowledge and skill in the Dark Arts. He'd been a sixth year student when 'taking Severus under his wings'. _

_'Now, what is the importance of this memory?' Severus thought truly annoyed. He decided to sit down on the empty seat beside his younger self and wait it out. _

_As he sat down; the boy turned his head to stare right through him. Severus raised a brow in puzzlement. It looked as if the black haired boy saw him; or at least knew he was there. It disappeared though when Severus turned is head to see a girl stare at his younger self. The girl looked to be at least a year older then the young Severus. She had flaming red hair and pure silver eyes. 'A beauty' he thought 'if it wasn't for her nose.' She looked familiar, somehow. Severus stood up and walked over to her; trying to remember. He followed her gaze and saw she was still watching him. His younger self, anyway. Though the object of her attention seemed to have either lost interest or hidden himself behind the mass of students between them. _

_'Where, oh where, have I seen you before?' Severus thought while brushing a streak of hair away from his eyes. _

_"Stop it __Marion__; you're scaring him." A smooth voice drawled. It belonged to the girl next to her withblinding blonde hair. Her eyes had a boring colour of blue-grey, and her lips ere drawn into a sneer. Severus stared at the girl named '_ _Marion__'. Was it really her? 'Then who was that other girl, Karen?' he thought confused. 'Are they siblings?' _

_"Stop it Christine! You're so mean to him; like everyone else. I don't understand why you're all like that towards him…" the girl, apparently Marion, said with a complaining matter-of-factly voice. 'Christine' rolled her eyes sighed. _

_"He's a little ugly slime ball. A half-blood. I mean; a muggle as father? Nothing good can come out of that. And by the way; it isn't that you don't understand, you've just a crush on him. Simple. Though I can't see how but…ah, well, if it isn't on the inside; it's on the outside. No guy is perfect." The girl named Christine said. __Marion__ had hid her face in her hands and was obviously blushing. _

_"Would you please just shout it all over the Hall?" __Marion__ snapped. Severus stood stunned and watched the exchange between the girls. He didn't even remember this girl, and she'd had a crush on him. 'I forgot; destiny doesn't like me. he thought bitterly. _

_"Sure; __MARION__ HAD A CRUSH ON SEV-" Christine began, but __Marion__ cut her off by covering her moth with her hand. _

_"Shut up!" she hissed. "Why do I even have you as a friend?" _

_"Better me then no one. Just look at your Prince Charming. You wouldn't like to be like him, ey? Am I forgiven?" _

_"Put a sock in it." _

_Severus suddenly found himself in the library. The Great Hall as gone without a trace. He looked around and tried to find __Marion_

_He found her behind a bookshelf; nervously looking through it as if watching someone from a distance. She looked older; almost sixteen, if not more. Severus eyed her and titled his head in approval before remembering what exactly he was doing. 'I'm here to find information.' he told himself firmly. _

_"_ _Marion__; not again!" someone hissed. Both the girl and Severus looked around. The older Christine came around the corner, walking quietly as if sneaking. __Marion__ blushed and shrugged before returning to look through the bookshelf. 'What is she looking at?' Severus wondered. As if answering his question, Christine spoke up. _

_"He doesn't even know who you are, and by the look of it, you're not going to speak with him and tell him. I'm not against that; he wouldn't believe you if you walked up to him and said 'Hi Severus, I have this big crush on you. I've had it since my fourth year.' And if he would then you'd be the less popular girl in the world. He's really in to Dark Arts, you know, and they say he's really good in it too. Did you know Lucius has taken a real interest in him? And then I'm not talking about like 'boyfriend' thing, even though it would suit them both…" _

_Severus crossed his arms over his chest and snorted. He remembered the girl now. Christine Malfoy; little sitster to Lucius Malfoy. He'd killed her only a few years after the girl'd left school. Severus stillasked himself why Lucius had done it. Most importantly; how?_

_"Hush! I know he likes the Dark Arts, and yes, I knowyour brotherseems to think he'll be to some use. I really hate that guy; he's pure evil. No offence." __Marion__ snapped back, smiling excuseing as the last words left er mouth. Christine sighed as if giving up on something and grabbed __Marion__'s arm. Startled; __Marion__ let herselfget dragged around the corner of the bookshelf. Severus followed; now interested. _

_"No!" __Marion__ hissed when she seemed to see what Christine was up to. Severus looked past the girls' shoulders and saw himself sit by the window; surrounded by books. _

_"Hi Sev!" Christine called. __Marion__ fought the grip her friend had around her arm, but to no result. 'I don't remember this…' Severus thought, suspicious. _

_"This is my friend Marion McAllen! You've probably don't heard of her, ey?" Christine said while pushing __Marion__ down on the empty seat in front of the young Severus. He was currently glaring at Christine; prepared for the blow to come. _

_"Say hi __Marion__!" Christine said through clenched teeth as she smiled. __Marion__ blushed. _

_"Err…hi…" she finally said. The young Severus was now watching her with aslightly confusedlook. _

_"What do you want?" He said, mostly to Christine. _

_"Oh, __Marion__ here just wanted to speak with you, you know…" she answered dismissively. Marion stared at her wide eyes, cheeks red and fists tightly clenched. The young Severus returned his attention towards __Marion__ with a raised brow. _

_"And you seem to want her here?" he said while pointing at Christine. He saw __Marion__ swallow as she shook her head. Christine wasn't late to excuse herself with a 'have studying to do'. _

_The young Severus watched her leave and gave __Marion__ a puzzled look. She bit her lip nervously and blushed even more. _

_"And what was it you wanted to talk about?" he asked with suspicion written in his eyes. _

_"I…I was just wondering…are you going with someone to Hogsmeade this weekend?" Marion said quickly, worrying her lip. The younger Severus seemed taken aback. He looked at her with disbelief. _

_"No…" he answered slowly. _

_"Oh…would you like to go with me?" __Marion__ continued; trying hard not to just run away. It took a while before he answered. It was as if he was waiting for her to jump up and tell him to bugger off. When that didn't happen; he finally answered. _

_"Since I have no one else to go with…then the answer is yes." He managed to say. The real Severus stared at the scene confused. 'I have absolutely no memory of this…' he thought desperately. 'What is this?' he thought before he suddenly was moved on to the next memory; this time in Hogsmeade. _

_Everything he saw, everything that happened in her memories, it'd been with him so far. He had no memory of the Hogsmeade visit; no memory of anything. He'd seen himself kiss her; hold her. He'd seen how secret it'd been. No one knew, it seemed. Not even Christine. _

_Marion__'s seventh year. When she left. She'd cried; promised to come and see him. She'd warned him one last time about Lucius Malfoy. "Don't trust him." She'd said. He'd answered that he could do what he wanted with his trust. She'd left in silent tears. _

_'Nothing useful…just confusing.' Severus thought as he travelled to another memory. He was startled when he found himself face to face with a half-grown woman; __Marion__. She was on her knees and breathing in short, raped breaths. It looked like she was about nineteen. She was bleeding and bruises coloured her pale skin. Severus looked around. His heart sank when he saw the ring of black cloaked figures that surrounded her. 'Now maybe I'll get some useful information…' Severus thought as he heard the icy voice of Lord Voldemort cut through the silence. _

_"Family reunions are the best, aren't they?"_

_

* * *

_

A/N: so sorry for the delay guys! I've had so much to do; studying like mad. and i had written this chapter but somehow it disappeared and I lost all interest on starting over...almost..

oh and if I have all these words stuck together or if I've missed a letter or two or something it's because my keyboard is living its own life. hey, you can't hold onto them forever, ey? hrm, sorry, bad joke ;) anyway, I don't think I'll have so very much time to write the days, or the week (s), to come. school is killing me. anyway, hope you liked the chapter! I liked it;much loose ends to tie. ;)love all your reviews by the way! note that even if when you read this and I've like updated and am done with the whole damned story, I want you to review! ;) it's fun to knowif you like it or not. I'm still trying to learn the art of writing ;P

see yah!


	20. Slowly falling, slowly breaking

A/N: ok, sooooooo sorry for the delay :( I've been reeeaally busy (I've said that alot but well...)

btw; I feel the need to warn you that my keyboard still is having it's...um..moments...and some letter may be missing and all that maybe I should stop nagging about that hmm anyway, plz read and review:)

* * *

I Find Comfort In Pain

Chapter 20, Slowly falling, slowly breaking.

Marion gasped as the sensation of lost memories washed over her. It was as if she relived them all over again; the sweet taste of simple crushes; simple love. She didn't even mind having that man, Severus, who she now remembered, in her head.

It was when she arrived at the most painful memory that she began to stir. She'd wanted so badly to know what happened that night; how she'd come to lay in the middle of a circle of Death Eaters with one of them under her weight, and his wand in her hand. She'd wanted to know how she'd…why…

…"_Family reunions are the best, aren't they?" the voice of the Dark Lord said; cutting through the silence. Marion looked at him with disgust; knowing what it was that lay under that foot of his._

_She was kneeling in the middle of a circle of Death Eaters, with Voldemort facing her. He stood straight, looking down at her with those cold eyes. He had one foot on what looked like a tangled bit of fabric; but Marion knew…she knew._

"_You sick bastard!" she screamed while tears finally broke loose. He sneered as her while kicking the bundle of fabric so that it rolled over; lying now only inches from Marion._

_It was a girl; her hair in the same colour as Marion's and her skin white as snow. She had her eyes closed and almost looked as if she was asleep; if it wasn't for the pained position in which she lay on the ground, and the many cuts and bruises on the skin exposed. The only thing covering her from total nakedness was indeed the fabric carelessly wrapped around her waist and halfway down her legs. With her chest bare, almost flat because of her young age, there showed marks from nails cutting into her frail skin. It was Marion's little sister; Karen McAllen. _

"_No…you sick, sick bloody bastard!" she wailed as she flung herself at the body of her sister. She'd been strong so far; but she couldn't take it when the brutal truth showed itself directly in front of her own eyes. Mind spinning; Marion watched out of the corner of her eyes, with her face buried in Karen's neck, how a Death Eater approached with his wand out. She stiffened but showed no other sign of knowing her was going to rip her away from her sister to search her mind. _

_As his hand nearly touched her arm; Marion swung around and hit him hard in his face while taking his wand in the same movement. The startled crowd didn't move as she pointed the wand at what she knew would be him. She didn't even bother saying the words; as she knew it would work anyway. He was thrown backwards at the strength of her spell, and she just barely managed to point the wand back at herself and mumble those words that would delete every inch of the information they needed…if it wasn't for her last thoughts. The last thoughts on him, and then it all disappeared. Everything they'd shared. Gone. Everything else; still there. She'd lost it. With a cry she hit the ground; broken and shattered to pieces._

_

* * *

_

Hermione gasped and dropped the book she was just barely reaching on the top shelf. With a thud in hit the floor; sending Hermione to knees cursing as she held a hand over her forehead and fumbled for the book. She sighed in relief when she noticed that it wasn't broken. It still stung in her head, but the pain slowly ebbed out. She sat down fully on the floor and leaned onto the bookshelf on the other side. It was a small distance between the two shelves, but just enough for a grown man to walk through. With a frown Hermione massaged her temples. The pain had come suddenly, as if it wasn't hers, and then slowly faded away. A sudden impulse made her close her eyes and concentrate on the image of Severus Snape; Potions Master of Hogwarts. Slowly the pain increased, and she had to tighten her grip on the book to keep her concentration. A sigh escaped her as she felt the pain disappeared, but when she opened her eyes she saw no books. She saw only the widely open frightened grey eyes of that woman.

'It's working! He's back!" she thought as she felt wet tears run down her cheeks. Staring blindly into the air; she concentrated her thought even more. A stir of emotion that didn't belong to her told her he'd felt her presence.

"_Do you know where we are?"_ Hermione heard him ask the woman. Even if it was faint, and that it was even too quiet to be called a whisper, Hermione picked the words up and understood what he was doing.

"_Yes… We're…we're south of Hogwarts. Many miles; almost around five, but south of Hogwarts…"_

Hermione's throat tightened at the sound of the woman's voice. She sounded so…it was impossible to explain, but there was something there. She felt a sting in her heart; more powerful due the fact that Severus felt the same. She forced the jealousy away and focused on their conversation. Joy over have found both Severus location, almost, that the knowledge that he was alright made her smile.

"_How long is this tunnel? How long does it take to get to the surface?"_

"_About twenty-four hours…maybe even less if you'd walk fast without any breaks… Please…are you taking me with you? Lucius…he'll kill me…just like he did my sister…even worse...please…"_

The sound of the woman's pleads made Hermione close her eyes. She could almost guess that Severus did the same; locking the world out for some seconds to think in quiet with no press. She smiled. She liked doing that; blocking the world out. Maybe he did too?

"_I'll take you with me if you show the way and promise to not turn your back at me."_

Even to her, Severus' voice sounded harsh and cold. Hermione even flinched and lost her concentration. The voices faded away as she tried to refocus. Too late. At least she could feel him. Enjoying the feel of him spiritually inside her; Hermione lay down on the floor. She felt warm as she gave it all a second thought. They shared something. A bound, a connection. Something so strong that she could feel what he felt at times, and even get small flashes of what he saw and heard, even if he was around five miles away.

She almost jumped up. She knew where he was! Why was she lying here dreaming? Angry at herself, Hermione stood up, ignoring the book that lay forgotten at the ground after having slipped out of her grip, she made her way towards the Headmaster's office. She highly doubted that he'd gotten anything out of Malfoy, if he'd even gotten any clue about where Severus might be. 'South of Hogwarts; almost five miles away.' she repeated in her mind over and over again while hurrying her pace just to have it turned into a run.

* * *

"This way." Marion said in a quiet voice as she pointed at the small tunnel to their left. Severus nodded and quickly walked past her; taking a hold of her arm to drag her with him. Even if his grip was loose; she winced. 

"You have all the right to be mad Severus but for god's sake just ask me whatever the hell it is you want to know!" she finally burst out desperately. He hadn't said a word since they'd left the cave and he didn't seem to having it planned in the near future either. He didn't stop at her words but seemed to be thinking it over.

"Why did you cast the memory charm on me?" he finally asked. Marion bit her lip. She had to admit that when thinking back to that night, she had no other reason than the impulse she'd had when having a wand in her hand. She supposed she hadn't wanted him to dwell on the past.

"Because…well…I didn't want you to…to remember what we had. You remember what he did to me that night, don't you? It's a wonder I survived… But then again; I wouldn't call this surviving…" the bitterness in her voice made a feeling of understanding wash over him before he could stop it. Yes, he kinda understood why she'd done it. It was just that…he hated memory charms. It made him feel out of control. He needed control; needed to remember every word being said; every face being shown. Looking back, he really did remember that night clearly. The details of their relationship before was still foggy, and would stay that way. It was then; not now. He'd given up the thought of love years ago, and was sure it wouldn't return…that desire to have someone close…having someone to share things with…but it had. She'd changed everything. He wouldn't accept it just yet. A Gryffindor Know-It-All was what she had to be right now. She still was his student. 'Stupid thoughts and empty words of ethics… I've already fucked her without any feel of wanting it undone… I just hope there will be some solid ground there for me to land on after this...' he thought with a sigh of defeat. He sometimes whished he could lie better to himself.

"I hate memory charms…" he dismissed after some time in silence. Marion nodded and looked away. He was so different now. She smiled to herself as she thought who'd won his heart. She whished, against what she should, that he'd found someone worthy him. She didn't want him, she reasoned, now; in the present. Love was something she would never live to feel again. She felt the familiar sting to the left in her lower stomach as she walked, almost ran, to keep up with his fast strides. Was it a lie, about him having someone? He'd told her, but then Lucius had said that he didn't have any… Confusion she didn't want to be a part of enfolded her tired mind as tears ran once again down her cheeks. The memories. It had all come back to her so quickly; too quickly. Like it had been the first time; she felt the pain all over again. The face of her little sister had been with her for ages, but the new memories made it harder. She now knew it had indeed been her own fault that information so dear to the ministry had leaked out, through her mouth, to no other than Lord Voldemort. If it hadn't been for the baby boy Harry Potter; they'd lost the war. So many people killed…so many lives…and it all was her fault…

She couldn't, wouldn't, live like this anymore. Slowly breaking.She held her head high as she led the way through the many tunnels. She would help him, give him as much information she could, and then…blissful darkness.

"I think I know some things that you may find interesting." she began as she'd steadied her breathing. "First off…"

* * *

Hermione was just running down the corridor on the second floor as something hit her in her back. Feeling herself being thrown forwards; a surprised scream escaped her. 

She hit the floor and almost immediately felt blood-taste in her mouth, and the feeling something warm running down from her nose told her it was nearly broken. Almost blind in both anger and pain; she made to stand up. A foot on her back held her down though.

"It took me some time to get to you, but now I can freely talk to you before taking you out of here, you filthy Mudblood." a cold voice sneered. Draco Malfoy. Hermione hissed in anger as she fought to get up. She was unable to call for help because of the pain. Her mouth felt over flooded with blood and she feared she was going to choke on it.

"You see; with Snape gone he can't protect you, as he's been ordered by Dumbledore to do… You didn't know that, did you?" Draco snorted. "How does it feel to know that the greasy Slytherin bastard has been watching your back all this time?"

Hermione gasped as he put more weight on his foot. She growled, but fell silent as it hurt too much. The laugh from the boy pinning her down made her forget about her pain though.

"You've seen how to do this on one of those small gatherings? Tell me; does he lecture you about safe sex too?" Hermione spat at him; seeing her blood colour the floor. His laugh ended, and she thought for one second that he was going to crush her spine with the force he was now pinning her down. He eased the pressure rather quickly though; having obviously been taught to keep his temper controlled.

"Safe? Why, Granger, I thought you knew about Death Eaters…" he began but Hermione broke him off.

"You enjoy this, don't you? Having me under your foot; ready to crush me like a bug. It's strange how you could think purebloods are better then muggleborns… How is it that I'm so much more skilled than you in every subject in school?" Hermione said, breathing in a shaky breath.

"It isn't just about school Granger!" he sneered; her obviously having hit the right button. He'd done the same to her thought. He was right; things weren't just about school.

"Let's see what the Dark Lord wants….." Draco began as he slowly removed his foot. He stopped dead in his sentence though. Hermione looked up and saw no other than Dumbledore walking towards them in the corridor; just having rounded the corner. Relief washed over her but it quickly turned into fear at the expression on his face. She'd never seen him so angry. It was as if the invisibly mad energy that seemed to glow around him enfolded the whole castle; warning anyone to dare move.

"Young Mister Malfoy." he said as he held his wand in his hand; ready to stop him if Draco tried to escape. He didn't seem to have those thoughts in his head though. To tell the truth; he didn't seem to have any thoughts at all at the moment.

"Headmaster!" Hermione croaked; remembering why she wanted to see him. "I know where he is!"

He gave her look that told her there was more important thing to deal with right now. She blushed as she slowly stood up; having difficulties to breathe.

'_I'm going to kill him..'_

Hermione jumped. The voice. His voice. She blinked. Had he been there all the time? She had been too preoccupied to notice anything. She guessed she needed some training in that area. So easy he'd seem to pick up her presence suggested years of it. Not that she had a clue to exactly what she needed to train for, but there was something to it anyway.

"Miss Granger, can you make it up to the hospital wing alone?" Dumbledore asked. Hermione nodded and started to leave. She didn't want to stay behind; even if it was to see Malfoy suffer. She had other things on her mind. Like a quiet conversation of only feeling with the only one now being able to smoother her angry and pain.

* * *

A/N: ah well...I hope that cleared some confusion from the last chapter ;) I'll have more time to write soon, so I hope updates will be more often. plz review? -puppy eyes- 


	21. What to come?

A/N: well...I'm trying to update faster ;) btw; I have a banner for this story :) yay! I've finally learned how to do them, hehe... ah well, anyway, on to the story ;) hope the chapter is good...

* * *

I Find Comfort In Pain

Chapter 21, What to come?

"No Ron! Absolutely not Harry! Don't you understand? This isn't what she needs right now, okay?"

The two boys looked at her with both puzzled and annoyed expressions.

"What Ginny? We just wanna see if she's okay!" Harry said, feeling it was best for him to speak. The young red head sighed as she crossed her arms over her not-so-flat chest. Harry blinked.

"Exactly! She needs to be alone right now, and she's asked me to please let you know that she's fine and doesn't want to be disturbed." Ginny explained calmly.

"What is she doing then?" Ron asked with a frown. Ginny rolled her eyes and concentrated on not thinking about what thoughts could be swirling around in her brother's mind.

"She's thinking; avoiding human contact." she finally answered. Hermione hadn't told her, but she guessed she was somehow connecting with Snape or something through that Connection of theirs. It still gave her the creeps, but she was wise enough to just accept it. What Hermione needed was support, not wind blowing in the wrong direction all the time.

"But…" Harry started, only to have her interrupting him.

"Really; she's fine. Why aren't you guys after Malfoy's blood or something? I'd love to have his head on a plate to dinner, even though the simple thought of it is revolting…"

"Urrgh…" Harry and Ron said in a union.

"What? Wasn't that a good line to put in? Ah, I forgot, we're not the bad guys, are we?" Ginny said innocently. Ron went red and gave her a disapproving look; not having caught her joke. Harry grinned as he shook his head; eyes sparkling. She smiled back at him and wished Ron could just sink through the floor, down to Moaning Myrtle's bathroom, to spend some quality time with the ghost. Rumours were she'd gotten a fancy for the youngest Weasley male; and Ron was sure to never live that one down.

"I still want to know what's up with Hermione." Harry stated; not letting himself lose track of what they were discussing before.

"Yeah, she can't just refuse to see us." Ron put in. Ginny sighed as she stubbornly put her hands on her hips; pinning them down with her glare.

"Look; that's exactly what she can do, and is doing. Why can't we just go to the common room and wait for her? She'll come when she wants to, and she's not that injured. C'mon you guys!" Ginny said as she took a firm grip around both boys' arms and dragged them along towards their common room. They exchanged a grimace over her head as they finally gave up and followed.

"Stubbornness is something very common in your family, isn't it?" Harry asked innocently, being rewarded by a grin from Ron and a glare from Ginny.

"You'll just have to get used to it." Ginny said as she took a firmer grip around his arm. Ron grimaced and looked as if wanting to be anywhere but there. It wasn't as if he'd be missed.

* * *

It was pit black around them, if it wasn't for the light on the top of his wand making it possible for them to know where they put their feet. 

They'd been walking for hours with no break, both unwilling to stop. But as the time passed, they finally had to stop. Marion was breathing with difficulty and holding her arms tightly around her stomach due to the pain.

"I'll light a small fire." Severus said quietly as he waved his wand; conjuring up a soft blanket for her to sit on. Marion nodded and flashed him a grateful smile. He awkwardly looked away and lit a small flame of blue fire to keep them warm.

"You can have some sleep; I'll wake you up when it's time to start moving again."

His words far away; Marion nodded only with the faintest of interest. The long walk with no break and the heavy exhaustion from having used up too much energy caught up with her as she lay down and closed her eyes; only to fall asleep within a second.

This left Severus with nothing but his own thoughts, not having her rapid breathing occupying the silence. He didn't feel any guilt for having dragged her along without a thought of her pain or exhaustion, which didn't surprise him. He felt numb, and his senses were overly sensitive. He felt that something was wrong; something was coming up. He needed to get back to Hogwarts; and very fast. Before anything happened, so that he could prevent it.

He just didn't know what.

* * *

Hermione woke with a gasp. What time was it? She looked around and remembered were she was. The hospital wing. She was now clad in a simple, white nightgown, which meant Madame Pomfray had found her asleep. 

'How long have I slept?' she thought with a rising feeling of panic. She remembered that she'd looked at the clock after having lain down on the bed; clothes on. It'd been around 4pm then, and it was now near midnight. Hermione jumped up from the bed and almost shrieked as the memories from the day washed over her. Severus. Dumbledore. Malfoy. Dumbledore.

She'd been sitting in the hospital wing waiting for Dumbledore to come and fetch her, or at least ask her where Severus had gone to. He hadn't showed up though, but Hermione had lost track of time as she sat with closed eyes and concentrated on the sound of Severus' heartbeats beating in the same time as hers. At one time she'd thought she'd felt as if being light as air; all troubles lifted from her, along with the dull ache in her back. It'd disappeared though when she'd lost concentration. She'd cursed herself at her inability to keep her mind totally focused for a longer amount of time. It'd almost felt as if she'd somehow been…healed.

"Miss Granger! What do you think you're doing?"

Hermione swung around and realized she'd been on her way out of the quiet room. Madame Pomfray stood in the doorway leading to her office wearing a disapproving look..

"I have to see the Headmaster! I though he would come, but I obviously was mistaking. I have to tell him something important. It's about…."

"Hush! The Headmaster has been occupied, and he didn't want to concern you, but Mr Potter…."

Hermione's head shot up as she stared at the nurse with a worried gaze. Nothing concerning Dumbledore, Harry and 'didn't want to worry' were any good news.

"What? Tell me, what is it?"

Madame Pomfray sighed and shook her head.

"The Headmaster wanted to see you anyway, and I suspect it's about young Mr Potter. You can floo from my office, dear."

Hermione rushed past her and quickly threw the green powder placed on Madame Pomfray's desk into the fire.

"Headmaster's office!" she said out loud; speaking clear. With a swirl of green flames, she made her way to his office.

----

"Ah, Miss Granger, glad to see you awake, and healthy, I trust?" Dumbledore greeted her with a less twinkling gaze. Hermione looked around and saw Harry sitting with his head in his hands on one of the three chairs in front of the desk. The second one was occupied by Ron, and she guessed the third was for her. Slowly she went over to her friends and sat down at the gesture from Dumbledore.

"It has been a hard day filled with unfortunate events, and it seems it will only get worse." he started. Hermione swallowed but straightened as Ron gave her a comforting smile.

"Even though young Mr Malfoy has behaved badly many times, I find it hard to expel him, but he left me with no other choice. In this case not even his father can make the ministry disagree with my solution."

Hermione nodded and kept quiet; awaiting the real news.

"Harry came, only hours after I had dealt with Mr Malfoy, and what he had to say… Would you like to tell it yourself?" Dumbledore said, turning his gaze to where Harry sat. The boy nodded, but looked down at his hands rather than into Hermione's eyes.

"I had a dream…no, vision…again. It's…it's not very good. Voldemort is planning something…and he…well…he's found a way to break the wards around Hogwarts… Not all of them, but…"

Hermione blinked but breathed calmly.

"So he's planning on attacking Hogwarts? It's kinda obvious, but…when?"

To her question there was no answer, and she felt how her stomach clenched. This meant they had to prepare now; they had to get ready.

"Better safe then sorry..." she whispered more to herself than to anyone in the room.

"I need to contact the Order, and would you three mind to try and re-gather the DA?" Dumbledore said as he stood up, eyes gazing down at them solemnly.

"Yes, of course sir." Hermione answered quickly. Her mind felt numb, but she had to fight it. Things needed to be done. Harry and Ron stood up and dismissed themselves, along with Hermione, but she turned in the doorway; catching Dumbledore's attention.

"Sev – Professor Snape; I know where he is. Well, not exactly, but…" She took a deep breath as Dumbledore gave her a gesture to continue. "It's five miles south of Hogwarts, somewhere in a tunnel, but he's on his way out."

"Thank you, child, I will send out members to search for him. I'm afraid there is nothing left for you to do for him, but we need you. Go and help your friends. I trust I can rely on you?" Dumbledore said with a barely hidden expression of relief.

"Of course sir." Hermione answered as she left and closed the door; making her way down the stairs to catch up with Harry and Ron.

"I can't believe this…what if…what if this is the final battle coming up?" Ron said amazed as Hermione joined them. She gave Harry a worried gaze, but he only smiled as if exhausted.

"You won't be alone out there…" Hermione started, but she stopped as she met his gaze.

"I know 'Mione. I wouldn't survive a second without you two beside me."

Ron gave him a half-smile; unsure what to say.

"Me neither, mate." he finally dismissed.

Hermione shivered. It was something to think about, these new events. A final battle? The knowledge that it was going to happen had always made her restless, but she'd always thought they'd be prepared, that they'd have either several months to train their skills in duelling, and the possibility of an attack from Voldemort without their knowledge; of him taking them with surprise, she'd given that a thought too... Both ways were horrid, in a way, but this? Not knowing when, only where. It made her feel sick; made her want to hide under her bed to never emerge. She didn't know what was to come, no one did, and she felt alone. Alone and powerless.

_I need you._

* * *

A/N: hmm...anyone sensing what's gonna happen? ah, well, never fear! I have some twists left, I think... ;) trying to avoid the clichés no one can stand... well... review? plz?

hugs and kisses to all my readers and reviewers :D

yay!


	22. Closer

A/N: sorry that it took so long for me to update! I'm trying to find a beta for this story so I can get it cleaned up ;) but that'll be when my mail has stopped fooling around. hrm. anyways, here's the next chappie! ;)

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I Find Comfort In Pain

Chapter 22, Closer...

Marion gasped in pain as she bumped into the man in front of her; who'd stopped dead in his tracks. Annoyed and curious about what had made him slow his fast strides, Marion stepped back and started to walk up beside him. He quickly held out his left arm to stop her, and turned his head to give her an intense glare which told her to stay silent. She waited impatiently for him to explain, but he just stood still; eyes scanning the dark.

They'd walked for hours, it seemed, and she just knew there wasn't much more until they'd reach the surface. The last bit had been going steady upwards, so she guessed they'd been quite some way under ground.

His sudden movement startled her and was found herself unable to speak as he grabbed her arm and pulled her close to the wall. The narrow stone corridors had changed into broad tunnels a long time ago, which now made it easy for them to hide in a cleft along the wall.

She needn't ask anymore what was going on, since she now heard the voices coming close. It was weak, as if they were whispering, yet she knew they weren't so far away. She stood still, nervously glancing up into the closed face of Severus, and whished he could share that damned calmness. She couldn't even bring herself to breathe.

"She's to no use! Let's kill her _and_ Snape! We'll just say he tried to escape along with the slut and…."

Marion bit her lips as she made out the words. She hoped, and prayed to the Gods, that they wouldn't find them. She didn't recognize the voice speaking, but could almost bet that Lucius was there too. And he was. She could hear him hiss in a annoyed way, and concentrated even more to hear his every word.

"How _dare _you even _speak_ about lying to our Lord? She may be _useless_, and he may be a hard one to _break_, but if we do not succeed then we are to _give_ them to our Master. Have you learned _nothing_?"

Marion winced as she could feel Severus tense. If he was afraid, then what the hell were the odds?

* * *

"Okay everyone!" Hermione called out over the small gathering of people standing before her in the Room of Requirement. She, Harry, Ron and Ginny had all gone around and gathered the old DA members still in Hogwarts, and she was pleased to see every single one of them there.

"Listen up! Professor Dumbledore asked Harry, Ron and me to start the DA again, and we've been given permission to tell you about _why._ But first, I will do as we did last time, and ask you to write your name on this list. However, this time it is not a question about we not having practical education in DADA. This time it is about the war. This time, it is life, or death. When signing your name on this paper, you will be a part of the work against…Voldemort and his Death Eaters. But understand that there is not really a turning back, because if you break the condition you'll approve with when writing your name, there will not be something as lenient as pimples or blisters all over your face. There. Will. Be. Pain. And trip to the Headmaster's office with the word Traitor tainting your name. Have I made myself clear?" Hermione continued as she eyed the now dead silent crowd.

She made a mental note on talking with Dumbledore about having some new people recruited. She really thought they needed more if they would stand a chance. And they needed it now. What if he decided to attack tomorrow? Tonight? In an hour? It was driving her nuts, just to think about it. So she made herself not to. Down to business.

"Yes." someone said. Hermione glanced sideways to Ron and Harry, receiving nervous grins from both. So what if she'd been a little, well, threatening? They needed to know what they were getting themselves into!

"Good. Now, the ones still wanting to join; make a line and sign up."

It was only a few of them that hesitated, but only for a couple of moments. She was pleased to know so many would help, knowing what was needed to be sacrificed.

"All of you? Great! I'll read the conditions." Hermione said with a nervous smile before clearing her throat. "One; Nothing about what we're doing or saying will be said to anyone that has not signed under on this very parchment. Two; you will listen to what I, Harry and Ron has to say. If it isn't one of us, either the Headmaster or a teacher, even an Auror, will be training you and giving you information. You will listen, and you will do as we say. Any questions?"

Three or four hands slowly rose into the air. Hermione took a deep breath and pointed at the one standing nearest. She'd never really done anything like this. The responsibility was overwhelming. She didn't want to think about how it must be for Dumbledore at the moment. _I need to get this done,_ she thought as she listened to the girl's question. It felt weird to answer questions this way, Hermione noted. _I better get used to it, _she thought with a sigh as more hands rose.

_Severus, where the hell are you?_ A question she'd had in the back of her head, nagging, since she'd left the Headmaster's office. She just wanted him here, by her side or whatever, she just needed his…presence.

* * *

He tensed. It wouldn't be such a good idea to fight the two of them on his own. He knew that, but it was better to take them by surprise, wasn't it? When they'd reach the cave, they'll notice that he and Marion are gone. They probably would be at Hogwarts by then, but Severus knew Lucius all too well. He'll sense that there's something wrong, and come after them just in time to catch up. It was a tempting thought, to take them down, but what made him make up his mind was the lurking feeling of panic. He didn't have time for this.

He'd felt the nervous feelings, the quick heartbeats and the worried, mumbling voice for hours. Hermione knew something, and it wasn't good. The feeling wasn't strong enough for him to connect with, so he couldn't exactly ask her. He didn't even know for sure the feelings had to be strong for them to connect enough to speak through thoughts. Did it even depend on the feelings?

He forced those thoughts out of his mind and tried to focus on the footsteps coming closer for every second. Soon. He would do it. He'd made up his mind. He didn't have time to wait for them to disappear in the dark; he had to get back to the school.

"_Petrificus Totalus!"_ Severus shouted as he quickly rounded the corner. He hoped it would hit the other man, and not Lucius, since he didn't really know who the other man was. Besides, he always found it enjoyable to duel with the blonde man. Severus didn't need to look twice to know that the spell hit a short man, clad in Death Eater robes; making him fall to the ground with a yelp. Severus spotted Lucius as he reach for his wand with an incredible speed. The blonde sneered at him before he fired a curse coloured purple. Severus dodged it with slight difficulty, smirking, and retorted Lucius' attack. He managed to send it back towards him though, and Severus had to make an awkward spin to avoid being hit. The cold laugh of Lucius was heard as Severus stilled his movements to wait for his next attack.

"Ah, Severus, old friend… Do you really think you'll win? You stand no chance against the Dark Lord!"

He allowed himself to sneer at the words.

"The Dark Lord? I thought it was his servant I was duelling with!"

He had to move away once again as another spell flew his way. Severus grinned as he answered with a nasty curse; its purpose to make a man bald. He would rather forget where he'd learned it, but had to admit that the sound of Lucius screaming in rage was worth it.

"You…!"

Another curse. This one lethal if hitting the target directly. Severus frowned as he prepared himself. They'd passed the teasing; now down to the bloody part. All thoughts disappeared, and the only thing existing was the man before him. He quickly took in the details around him; the crack in the walls, the shadows, the clefts.

"You are mine now Severus; I'm going to kill you…slowly…" Lucius drawled. Barely a second went before the duel was on for full.

Forgotten, in the shadow, Marion watched with wide eyes. She forced herself to stay quiet, even as curses cut at their arms, cheeks, colouring the ground red. She closed her eyes in dread as Severus was hit by something; sending him across the hard ground. She didn't want to know if he would be able to stand up, she didn't want any second to go by, she just whished for the time to stop. She just wanted it to end.

"Really, Severus, I expected more out of you…"

* * *

Dumbledore was just able to sit down behind his desk, sighing in exhaustion, before a timid knock was heard on his office's door.

"Please; do come in." he said with a kind voice. He was surprised to see Hermione Granger step into his office, but covered it up with a gesture of his hand; inviting her to sit down.

"Miss Granger, what a pleasant surprise!" he said with a smile. "How is it going with the DA?"

"It's going very well Headmaster. Harry and Ron are doing really well in helping them with the different spells so I decided to let them take over for awhile, because I need to ask you a few things…" Hermione said as she settled down in the chair.

"Ask whatever you want." he said, parting his hands in an inviting way. Hermione nodded nervously and took a deep breathe.

"Firstly, I was wondering who's going to…well…teach in duelling? And new spells? I mean, three seventh years can't really do that. And another thing; could we take more members in? Even though no one backed out, there still are very few of us. I know we have all the Order members and Aurors but you need all the help you can get. And we need to know how to defend ourselves." Hermione explained in what seemed like a single breath. Dumbledore watched her with an amused expression before answering.

"I have no doubts in your ability to teach spells, curses and etc, Miss Granger, but I will see what I can do. And yes, you may spread the word. Try to recruit only sixth and seventh years. Those younger will be protected to any prize."

Hermione bit her lip and nodded. She felt dizzy as she made to stand up. She'd been slightly put off since she'd stumbled and fallen on her way to the Headmaster's office. She'd been distracted by the sudden stab of a dull pain in her back; loosing her footing. It'd been gone before she could tell what it'd been. She'd been hoping, and was still, that it didn't have anything to do with Severus. The odds were against it, but she still hoped.

"Miss Granger?"

Hermione blinked and noticed she was still standing up, halfway turned towards the door. A throbbing pain in her head suggested a headache on its way.

"Maybe you should go to bed and have some restful sleep?"

"No, but thank you for your concern sir. I don't think I'd be able to get some sleep right now." Hermione answered with a small smile. It felt like she was awake, yet not quite aware of what was happening. She knew should feel tired and worn, but she really didn't feel anything; except the growing headache, and the still present unpleasant sensation in her back.

"Very well. I'll see what I can do about the duelling, Miss Granger. Good evening." Dumbledore dismissed. Hermione flashed him a smile before leaving.

"Now onto finding someone with the time to teach them duelling." he mumbled to himself in a sad voice. He'd known this time would come, but even as it was now slowly coming closer, he found it difficult to watch those still too young prepare for what could be their victory, or loss.

_In a way, it will always be a loss, _he thought to himself as he watched the phoenix settle himself on his desk. People's lives would be shattered soon, he knew, and there was no way to stop it. It had to happen. For once, he could do nothing but his best at helping in the work against the Dark Lord; a man once known as Tom Riddle.

"It is strange how those walking in the same corridors as me, those I have the power to help, fall into his net." he said, mostly to himself. The phoenix made a noise strangely like a snort while shaking his head. Dumbledore smiled as he stroked the bird's feathers with care.

"I hope Severus makes it here in time, without too many injuries." he said with a wistful expression. The phoenix Fawkes made a reassuring sound that comforted his friend; letting words about the future stay unspoken.

* * *

A/N: um, k... I needed to write this chapter to get on with things so I hope it'll get more interesting ;) review? plz? O.O 


	23. Dance With The Lions

A/N: um..yeah..here's a veeeery late update XD I've found a beta, but she's only on the first chapters and I feel cruel to let you all wait for too long...it is, after all, 23 chapters already! can hardly believe it:D anyways, plz do review? -puppy eyes-

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I Find Comfort In Pain

Chapter 23: Dance With The Lions 

Harold froze. He could hear weak voices from far away; shouting. With a snap of his fingers, he signalled for the three other men to stop and stay quiet. Maybe they were getting close?

"Har…" one began, but he cut him off with an angry hiss. "Shut up!"

It was dark around them, even though it was early morning already. They'd been up searching the woods and small mountains for several long hours and were beginning to lose hope. Not that they'd had any from the beginning.

"Could it be Death Eaters?" one of the men, David, asked. His question was followed by wary looks, but it wasn't answered.

They'd stopped moving by now; afraid to make too much noise. They didn't want the Death Eaters, or whoever they were, to find them. No; an ambush was what they had in mind. They were, after all, just three.

"Listen to me; we have to stop! We can't go on like this for god's sake and you know it! You can barely stand on your own, least not walk! It must've been hours since we took some rest!" The angry voice of a woman filled the silence of the woods. The three men glanced around at each other from their hiding places behind bushes, trees.

The respond was too low to make out; only a sound of someone hissing in a threatening way could be heard. Harold tightened the grip around his wand and gave a silent gesture to await the intruders; then attack. They couldn't afford taking any chances.

"You're going to get yourself killed!" the woman's voice shrieked. They were close enough now. The soft steps of what Harold supposed were the woman was almost drowning in the heavy, limping steps of another person. He couldn't make out more than just those two; so he supposed there only were them.

A curt nod indicated the approval of their attack, and they flew out of their hiding places. It went too fast for either of the men to realize what really happened. They just drew their wands, shouted a spell that would send both the woman and man down to the ground; unconscious, but hopefully unharmed. Another spell was heard, just seconds after the others, and with a last terrified scream; the woods had its silence restored.

* * *

She'd gotten an idea last night, after the meeting with Dumbledore. It was a crazy idea. It wouldn't work. They would just laugh at her; calling her Mudblood and Know-It-All Gryffindor. But there was still a little chance that some of them would listen; that some of them would welcome a chance to break free once and for all.

It must be like having ones wrists chained to the wall; being denied the right to drink the delicious water just inches from where you sat. Being shoved into the House hated by the rest of the school; believed to be destined to turn towards the dark. It was like they were left with no choice, seeing it as no one seemed to be interested in helping them. Well, that was about to change, she told herself. She was going to go in there, she was going to tell them about her offer, and then she was going to leave. If they wanted in; they were to find her and tell her. She saw no other way to get them to agree. Who was stupid enough to 'betray' their House right in front of their classmates?

She had forced her mind to understand the ways of the Slytherins, and had come to find interest in their logic. It was unique; just like the Gryffindors', the Ravenclaws' and the Hufflepuffs'. She had yet to refrain herself from adding people in different categories, but at the moment, she just dimly noted this fact and kept on walking. She had already reached the staircase down to the dungeons, and kept nibbling her lip nervously.

She'd brought Harry and Ron with her, but insisted on them hiding under the invisibility cloak. The two of them was, if possible, even worse looked upon than she in the Slytherin den. Hermione knew she needed to gain the little trust she could to get a few of the Slytherins to come to her. Harry and Ron had hated the idea, and still did, but followed on the threat that if not; she was going down there alone.

"Okay guys; showtime," she whispered as she saw the wall where the entrance would be coming up close. _Stay calm._

* * *

He froze. This could get interesting; a lonely Gryffindor Lioness entering the feared Den of Salazar Slytherin's faithful serpent students? And not just any lioness, but the Know-It-All, from what he'd heard, mudblooded friend of Harry Potter; The Boy Who Lived. He noticed the younger students back off as they saw the brushy haired girl stand in the entrance while the older ones stood up; wand near. He smirked at the slightly panicked look in the girl's eyes, but was disappointed to notice that it passed within seconds. Those damned lions. He sneered as she started to talk. She sure had an annoying voice. Too bossy for any Slytherin to bear listen to. Any _real_ Slytherin, that is. He would've preferred her roaring any day.

"I am here due to recent events that have forced the Headmaster to recruit sixth and seventh years in case the castle would get attacked. I am here, even though it is against our House rivalries, to ask if there is anyone interested in helping in this war; interested in helping the Headmaster?"

He snorted along with many others and approvingly agreed with that Zabini boy when he spoke up.

"What makes you think we would betray our House? Our Lord?" The girl had the nerve to smile. That Mudblood had the nerve to actually mock the handsome, pureblooded Slytherin! He felt like wiping that smile away by violent measures.

"When I came here, to Hogwarts, people told me that everyone in Slytherin turned out bad. I wasn't sure until Slytherins started calling me Mudblood. I started hating this House, as much as the other students, without a second thought. It became natural to hate you. But I've begun to think this over. Slytherin didn't stand for Dark Magic or evil. It stood for pure blood, high moral and things like that, didn't it? But what is one to do when sorted into Slytherin? Make friends with a Gryffindor? A Hufflepuff? A Ravenclaw? No, that is just against what has always been! I don't think there is a single soul in Gryffindor wanting to befriend a Slytherin. Why? Because it's always been that way. Why change? I think the Headmaster has made that clear a couple of times by now. We should stick together, not hating each other's guts."

It sickened him, to listen to this girl. What did she know? Nothing. She was a bloody, unworthy little Gryffindor slut. She knew nothing about Slytherin and what it stood for. He'd been here for hundred of years; he knew more than she could ever dream of.

"If there isn't anyone wanting to 'befriend' us and if we don't want to 'befriend' anyone outside our House…how did you think this was going to work?" another boy asked. The girl didn't look put off, and he was starting to wonder what had happened to the cunning questions that made people back off, or betray themselves.

"Think for a moment, please. Wasn't there a time when you wondered, and doubted, about the things you couldn't do, or had to do? Don't you ever wonder why you have to be a servant for You-Know-Who just because you're a Slytherin? Or why everyone think you are, when you're not, at least not yet? I see you as if you're chained and not allowed to speak your mind. Is that true? Can't you say what you truly think? Well, I think it's time for you to think on your own; to make your own decisions. Don't you?"

He stared at the girl. It was quiet in the room. He'd noticed how the crowd had grown over the speech she'd had. It seemed like everyone was thinking the same as he; '_Is she out of her mind?' _

"What if it is our own decisions then?" Zabini said. The girl shrugged as she took a step back with a smile. God he whished he was able to wipe it away. The nerve!

"Then I was mistaken. But so far I don't know anyone who thinks just the same way as the others in their own House. I don't agree with the Gryffindors' opinions about Slytherins."

"You're just like them anyway. Think you're above others, don't you? Just because you made it down here to save us from the Darkness don't make you a saint," a girl with a rat-like face drawled. _At least she's got some wit,_ he thought with an approving smile.

"That's not why I'm here. To save you from the darkness, I mean. I'm not saving you when I'm asking you to consider fighting against it. It's a big chance you'll get killed. And I'm not above anyone, you might want to know. I have flaws just like anyone else. But please do consider what I have told you. If you do want to help, to fight, then come to me and I will even see to that, if you want, your identity will remain a secret. Thank you for at least listening."

The girl flashed everyone, even him, a warm smile before quickly leaving. He sat speechless. She hadn't made an expression that she was fleeing, that she wanted out or that she was afraid…she'd just said what she wanted to say and then left. She'd even showed them some respect! It was a bit unexpected, coming from a lion. But he was too old, he felt, to change his ways. The young might get second thoughts after her little speech, but he sat quietly in his portrait with a mask of indifference. At least he was going to keep quiet about this. It was, after all, the Headmaster who had sent the girl. And he didn't know how to speak the human tongue, so the chance for him to gossip was very small. Oh, and he was above gossiping anyway. A fine snake like him would never, _ever_, sink to that level.

* * *

"STOP!" he hissed. "You fools!" Harold froze. _Oh no! No way!_ They'd attacked the person they were sent out to find! The others seemed to have come to the same conclusion.

"Marion? Dammit woman, get up!" Severus Snape hissed. The Aurors watched as the man dragged the woman up into a standing position; her eyes all but focused. She'd fainted at the sudden fright of having three men attacking them. Their spells had barely missed the two of them. Lucky Snape was fast on his feet, Harold mused.

"I bed your pardon, Professor Snape, we thought you were Death Eaters," David said. Severus inhaled sharply, as if trying to keep himself from cursing the men because of their utter stupidity. Alright, he could take some dimwitted teenagers, but full grown men? Bah!

"You can honestly say then that you didn't hear that damned woman wake the mountains with her nagging? What Death Eater would even think of expressing themselves so recklessly?" he sneered. The pain in his leg, back and stomach made it hard to fulfil his usual frightening manor, but the men still winced as they realized their stupidity. They'd heard what the woman had said, and it wasn't very Death Eater-ish.

"Professor Dumbledore sent us. He told us to get you back as soon as possible, so we've brought some portkeys. He didn't think you'd be up for Apparate to Hogsmeade and then walk to Hogwarts," Harold explained carefully while taking out a big, rusty key out of his pocket. Severus gave him a look of disdain at how he spoke of his injuries as if he was weak; as if he needed help. Marion seemed to sense this, as she laid a calming hand on his arm, having recovered slightly from her shock.

"We have no time to lose; give me that," Severus snapped. He roughly pulled Marion closer and brought her hand to grip the key. Within an instant the familiar tug made it clear from them both that they were indeed leaving. Severus felt anxious, and hoped he wasn't too late. The stiff body beside him felt otherwise. Marion had thought she would finally see the end of things when Lucius had come, but she'd survived along with Severus. The memory of Malfoy's throat being slit open still made her shiver. The spell was unknown to her, and she hadn't even heard Severus speak it.

Within seconds, they landed on the cold stone floor of Hogwarts. Severus was disappointed to see they were in the hospital wing, and not in Dumbledore's office. He needed to speak with the man before getting his wounds healed. This was important, dammit! He had to know what day, and what time, it was. He'd forced vital information out of Lucius, and it couldn't wait.

* * *

"You can't be serious," Ginny said with a shocked expression. Hermione grinned at the red head while clasping her hands together.

"It can't be true! I mean…hell…are you sure? Nineteen Slytherins?" Ginny continued. She was still amazed that Hermione had even gotten out of there alive, but this? She was almost sure not even Hermione had hoped any Slytherin would've listen to her, or even seek her up! But there she was with list in hand, and a big, goofy grin on her face.

"I knew it Ginny! They just needed somewhere to turn! This is so great! It's amazing! I have to talk to Dumbledore and see if he has someone ready to teach the DA by now, and I'll have to solve the problem about those who wanted to be anonymous, which is kinda all of them, and how they're going to get tutored, and…and…" Hermione fell silent. She sat down on the couch and stared blankly out in the air. Her excitement was gone, and replaced by some sort of numbness. Ginny eyed her warily, and opened her mouth to ask what was wrong. But Hermione cut her off.

"This is so much, Ginny. Soon, in some future we don't know, the war will break out. I mean like really break out. Duels. Killing. All that. And here of all places! And I…do you think…?" she stopped as her voice became too thick. Ginny sat down on her knees on the floor in front of her and smiled kindly.

"What?" she asked softly. Hermione returned her smile before answering. "Do you think he'll…he'll come back? You know, before the war?"

"I don't know," Ginny answered truthfully. Hermione bit her lip before standing up to leave. "No time for this. I'll see you around Gin."

"Take it easy, 'Mione okay?" Hermione heard her call after her as she left the Gryffindor common room. It felt like she hadn't slept for weeks, or eaten. But she didn't care right now. She was going to eat, and sleep, after her talk with Dumbledore. If something else didn't show up, that is. Or rather some_one_ else.

* * *

A/N: ok, lol, what d'you think? someone who's up for some 'end-of-the-world' sex? hrm...well, in this case, maybe just 'before-the-war' or something...can't promise you anything, but well...if you reeeaaaally want to...(hint hint; review!) hrrm anyywaaayysss, I'm kinda having these thoughts of rewriting this story when it's done...the first chapters is ok, but the ones in the middleare kinda messed up but I'll probably never gonna find energy enough to really go through withthat so I'll just stop being random in my a/n...hrm...

ReViEw? pllleeeeaaasseee? ;)


	24. Break Free

A/N: yeh I don' have a life so I spent theafternoon writing this chappie XD hope u like it ;) review? o.o

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I Find Comfort In Pain

Chapter 24: Break Free

"Calm down, there is no need to run," Hermione told herself as she struggled to keep a cool appearance. She'd just left the Gryffindor common room, and was on her way to Dumbledore's office. The list of Slytherin names were safe in her inner pocket, where she'd put it to keep herself from tearing it apart in mere anxiousness. Her mind was filled with different ways of asking Dumbledore about the DA and telling him about the Slytherins (which was a good thing, she added mentally).

Strange that she was worrying about such things, when the war was seconds away, in her opinion, and Severus was still gone. She mentally shook herself to clear the fog of thoughts and unwanted images of the horrors of war and breathed in to sooth her nerves. She managed to clam down and stay that way for most of the way, but dropped dead in her fast pace when she rounded a corner and raised her head enough to see who was standing by the wall up the stairs.

* * *

"No, you are not going anywhere!" she hissed while grabbing his sleeve. His once black pants were almost drenched in his blood on one leg. She dimly remembered how he'd been thrown around like a doll by Lucius and wondered how he was still able to stand, and even think of going all the way up to the Headmaster's office. He could reach him for here!

"You do not tell me what to do, _ever,_" he snarled as he snatched his arm back; glaring at her as if wanting to kill. Marion backed a step in fear. It was to no use, trying to stop him, so she let him go and watched helplessly as he walked too fast; breath hitched in pain.

Severus himself didn't feel much of the pain, not in the state he was in. He was too tired, too filled with adrenaline to care. He was so close, so close. Soon, he'd get his rest. He just needed to get this done.

"Not those bloody _stairs_ again!" he growled to himself as he reached the first staircase. It was with extreme difficulty that he managed to climb all the way up; his leg forcing him to stop to rest. He tiredly leaned against the wall, his forehead touching the cold stone, and closed his eyes. Breathe in….and out… He clenched his fists in annoyance. Already he had to concentrate to keep breathing. Yet the disgust for his own weakness couldn't overcome the divine feeling of cold stone against his hot skin. The events of the weeks gone by flashed before his eyes at his newfound peace of mind; Hermione, the Connection…the cave. At the recognition of these memories, thoughts, feelings, his head felt dull, as if filled with cotton, and he found it difficult to believe it'd really happened. With a large amount of will, he raised his hand to place beside his head against the wall; preparing himself to push away. It was then he heard someone shriek, before the sound of footsteps running at a fast speed echoed through the castle. He barely managed to turn around in time before he was attacked by a sweet smelling _someone._ He inhaled sharply at the pain this caused in his chest and suddenly froze. He knew that smell!

"You're back! You're back!" he heard her sob into his back. He managed to loose her grip of him enough to turn around so that he could face her. Unfortunately he just got a quick glance of her pale face before she buried it in his chest; taking a painful grip of his cloak and flesh in her hands.

"Hermione," he gasped as gracefully he could into the wild mane of hair that threatened to make him sneeze. She slowly let him go and took a shaky step back. "I'm sorry", she whispered while her cheeks took on a sweet shade of pink. He flashed her a small smile before leaving the cold stone wall to embrace her in a gentle hug. She sighed into his shoulder as he nuzzled the nape of her neck; letting her smell wash over him.

"Hermione," he murmured while tightening his grip just a bit. The longing for her hit him with full force; as if he'd forced every bit of it into a box deep down that was now opening fully. He'd missed her warm body pressed up against him, her smell, even her hair….he'd missed her _presence._

"You've been gone for too long…are you alright?" she suddenly asked; pushing away out of his embrace to give him a stern look. He winced at the force put upon his bruised chest and was, for a moment, unable to answer because of the difficulty to get air.

"Severus! Oh, I'm so sorry! I didn't know…did I hurt you? What are you doing here? Why aren't you in the hospital wing?" Hermione sputtered nervously; jumping from one foot to another as she waited for his answer. Severus allowed himself to snort in amusement.

"To answer all your questions; no you didn't hurt me and I'm on my way to Dumbledore because I have something very important to tell him, and the hospital wing can wait," he summed up with a calm drawl. Hermione sighed and closed her eyes at this, which only made him grin for some reason. He clearly needed to sleep, he noted.

"Come," he said while holding out a arm he put around her shoulders; drawing her close to him. "We'll go to him together if that pleases you." Hermione smiled shyly at his words and allowed herself to get swallowed by his black robes; enjoying the warmth coming from him. She didn't even notice his small limp and was disappointed at how fast they arrived to Dumbledore's office. It was with great reluctantly that she managed to step aside, out of his warmth. She was pleasantly surprised at his outstretched hand, but took it a bit nervously; as if waiting for him to pull it away while snapping her head off.

"Relax; I don't bite," he mumbled as he led her up the last stair. "Not always." Hermione blushed but gave him a mischievous grin. She had some sort of happy bubble inside of her that seemed to be unable to burst. They stopped by the office door, which opened just as Severus was about to knock. They now faced a very surprised Professor McGonagall. As a reflex the both let go of each other's hands and waited for someone to break the uncomfortable silence.

"Um…hi, Professor," Hermione said with a wave of her hand. "Is Professor Dumbledore here?"

"Yes, dear, he is. I see that you're back, Severus, and not too harmed?" she answered, turning to Severus.

"Yes and…" he was cut off by Albus Dumbledore's voice coming from inside the room, calling them inside.

"Ah! Severus! Miss Granger! Do come in," he'd called. McGonagall excused herself and left while Severus led Hermione through the door; his hand resting at the small of her back. He seemed unable to keep himself from touching her; feeling her warmth.

"It is so good to see you are here safe and alive, Severus!" Albus greeted with a bright smile while standing up from his chair behind the desk. "Now, what have brought you two here when sleep should be what you'd need?"

"What day is it?" Severus asked almost before he could finish his sentence. Albus frowned at his sudden question but chose to answer directly.

"It's Tuesday the 26th. Why?" Severus relaxed a bit at the answer. They had time, but it was still little and precious.

"The Dark Lord will be attacking Hogwarts in about one and a half week," Severus explained plainly. There was no exact date, but it was better than not knowing. Albus sat back in his chair while closing his eyes.

"Good. Thank you, Severus," he said without opening his eyes. Hermione stood silent, watching Severus' face with a stunned face. She didn't know what to say about this news. Was it good, or bad? Probably good, but it was still as if she was watching as a third person. Severus turned his head slightly then and met her gaze. Her skin seemed to burn under his eyes, but at least her nerves were revealed from the stress.

"What was it you wanted to see me for, Miss Granger?" Albus asked after a long silence. Hermione broke her eye contact with Severus and swallowed.

"Well, about the DA…First off, I've gotten nineteen Slytherins to sign under, but they want to be anonymous and…"

"Slytherins?" Severus interrupted with a raised brow. He looked over to Dumbledore who seemed as surprised as he. Hermione cringed under their gaze but stood her ground.

"Yes, I asked them if they wanted to be in, sir. It worked. I think it's good they finally get a chance to break free; it isn't as if someone has given them a chance before." Severus stiffened at her words. Did she know it sounded like she was driving some charity thing, like the house elves business, when she spoke like that? _Yet_, a voice whispered from the back of his mind, _she's right. You've had thoughts about why no one even tries to help us break free, so why crush the young who's really trying?_ He couldn't lie to the voice of reason in this state and did nothing to stop the growing, proud, feeling for this young lioness that was gleaming in his eyes.

"That, I'm afraid, is true Miss Granger," Dumbledore said after another long silence. He looked tired, and almost like he was uncomfortable about all this. Hermione frowned.

"Uh, yes, and one more thing…have you found anyone for the DA sir?" she continued, choosing to shorten this meeting a bit.

"Ah… As the lucky day that this is, I think I have," Dumbledore answered with a twinkle in his eyes. Hermione broke into a warm and revealed smile at this, feeling she had much less to worry about by now.

"I have spoken to Nymphadora, who is currently free for the job, and she says she is happy to help," Dumbledore continued. This made Severus snort in disbelief for the choice of teacher, having put things together. Hermione glared at him but said nothing, as she new the clumsiness of this young Auror.

"That's great sir! When will she arrive?" Hermione asked. Dumbledore chuckled while shaking his head.

"Not today, I'm afraid. She will arrive tomorrow. Until then, I suggest a trip to the hospital wing and some sleep; for both of you."

"Headmaster, I brought a woman with me. She was in the cave I was captured in, and helped me out of it. What shall we do about her?" Severus asked, having just remembered leaving Marion in the hospital wing.

"Ah, take her to the hospital wing and send her my thanks for bring our Potions Master back. I will see to the rest," Dumbledore said while giving Hermione a wink. "Now hurry up and get well; we have a hard week to look forwards to."

"Bye sir," Hermione said before leaving after Severus, who seemed to be in a hurry. She got a smile in respond before the door closed behind her. She ran up to walk beside Severus again and smiled as he accepted her hand. _I love you,_ she thought; surprising herself with the strong feel of those words, even though she only spoke them in her head. Severus glanced down at her but showed no other sign for having felt her emotions through the Connection, for what Hermione was grateful. _It's too soon for those words,_ a voice whispered sadly from the back of her mind. She wondered if that was true, but left it alone for the time being. She had, after all, a soft bed waiting for her and didn't want to make the waiting any longer.

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A/N: so...I needed to get 'em together ;) I think things will movea bit faster after this chapter > ok, maybe not XD don't trust in what I say...lol. anyways, so, whatcha think:) REVIEW! 

oh and I'll take this time to thank all my lovely reviewers and readers!you're like the best in da wooorld :D yay!I haven't given you enough credit dammit! ;) luuuuuurv yah! lol, and no, not it that way.. ;P


	25. Sweet Surrender

A/N: yay! I've managed to update again! XD soo...review? OO,

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I Find Comfort In Pain

Chapter 25: Sweet Surrender

The sound of something hitting the ground, followed by several startled shrieks, made Severus stop dead in his tracks. With a big sigh he turned around and headed back down the corridor to see what had happened now. He'd been on his way back from the Forbidden Forest, having created some kind of bound of peace with the crenatures some time ago, after collecting herbs for the many different potions he planed on getting done when passing the Great Hall the first time. Now he was, instead of walking by, entering the damned room. What he saw made him wish he'd gotten that extra hour of sleep last night. Since he'd left the hospital wing only about two days ago he'd been putting it off; wishing to prepare as much as possible for the upcoming battle.

As for Marion, Dumbledore had her live in the empty quarters next to McGonagall's, where she'd spent most of her time so far as to regain some strength (she'd refused to stay in the Hospital wing, much to Poppy's dismay). Severus had disagreed with the idea of having the wrenched woman to help with the DA, but Dumbledore had insisted that she'd be perfect for teaching the Slytherins who wanted to be anonymous (which was all of them, really). So unless he wanted to help, which he _did not_ want to do, it was up to Marion.

"_Tonks!"_ he growled out over the giggling crowd of students. They immediately froze and fell silent at his presence, which was a much desirable effect, and stepped out of his way. The view improved and he saw with fury how Nymphadora Tonks made her way up from the floor, all the four hourglasses shattered and the coloured stones spread out all over the floor. A few meters away from her stood a petrified student, some boy from Hufflepuff who Severus vaguely remembered as a sixth year. Severus assumed the two of them must've been duelling.

"_What_ is the meaning of this?" he hissed while making his way to her; glaring at the grinning woman.

"I'm teaching 'em how to duel! Wanna join?" she answered with a bright voice, winking at him while smiling.

"Quite frankly, Nymphadora, I'd love to send you off to the other side of the room. But I do have some things of greater impotence to work with," he said with a silky voice that resembled melted chocolate before abruptly changing the tone into a deep growl, "Now clean this mess of yours up!"

"Does the work involve practicing on cheering charms?" he heard Tonks mumble as he turned around to stalk out of the room. With a wicked grin he causally drew his wand and fired over his shoulder without uttering a word, or turning to see where his charm hit. A sudden outburst of giggles told him he'd hit his target.

The students stood mesmerized at this, still not understanding it was their sour Potions Professor who'd just hit Tonks with a cheering charm. It seemed too out of character. Then again, firing when she was not prepared seemed very _in_ character.

"I'm telling Dumbledore!" Tonks gasped as she tried to control her giggles, but Severus was already out of the Hall and out of earshot. Hermione blinked and tried hard to suppress her grin at what she'd just seen. She wondered what more than a very good aim this man had in the art of duelling. Whenever it was with magic or…

"Wow that was one hell of a cheering charm!" Tonks said, having recovered, interrupting Hermione's trail of thoughts. "Anyways, where were we?"

They spent the rest of the remaining hours duelling with Tonks and each other; now having almost mastered the self-defence part. They even got to do some exploding hexes. So when they finally got to leave, Hermione, along with everyone else, was exhausted. The students gladly left for their common rooms, as did Harry and Ron, but Hermione knew her day didn't end just yet. It was bliss to not have any more lessons though. Dumbledore had announced, two days ago, that those who were in the DA would be excused from classes those days training was scheduled, but otherwise should go to their lessons as usual. He'd also told the school about what DA was, well almost, but hadn't mentioned anything about the upcoming attack. Hermione felt guilty about not having thought of what they were to do about the younger students. Would they leave the school before the attack? Or would Dumbledore keep them in the castle? Surely he couldn't do that? Hermione had made a mental note to ask him about this, but still hadn't found time after two whole days.

She sighed shook her head. She had to get going; she had some library time to catch up with, a.k.a reading until her eyes bled. The chances to have some time alone with Severus were slim, and she didn't want to push her luck going down to the dungeons alone. So, library it was.

It didn't take long until she found a particular thick book, with only a bit too large letters for her taste, that caught her interest. Choosing a sunlit corner by a window, Hermione sat down and started to read. It was after three, yet the sun was still shining enough for her to be comfortable with the amount of light. Of course, she didn't notice, nor care, when it slowly disappeared around five.

"May I?" someone asked. Hermione almost jumped in surprise and barely managed to hold on to her book at the sudden approach. She looked up, a bit confused, and looked into the dark eyes of Severus Snape. A smile broke out as she made place for him; her stomach flipping at the happy feeling running through her.

"How did it turn out?" he asked with an evil grin. Hermione studied him and stayed silent for a moment; drinking him in. He looked awful. The dark rings under his eyes, along with the very pale shade of his skin, told her he hadn't been sleeping nor eating as much as he really needed. Which was a very bad thing, considering what he'd been through these past days. But she didn't want to waste precious time with him arguing about his health when she knew it was a lost case, so she didn't comment.

"She said that was one hell of a cheering charm and continued as if nothing had happened. We got to practise on the hourglasses with the exploding hexes later on though," Hermione said, adding the last bit with a grin. Severus frowned in annoyance; knowing Tonks had been mocking him behind his back by letting the students do that. He sighed but let the thing drop. It wasn't exactly what he wanted to talk about with Hermione. They stayed silent for a while, Severus watching her as she put her book away. She looked to be tired, and he wondered how exhausting Tonks lesson had been.

"You should take some rest," he stated firmly, but made no move to leave. Hermione crossed her arms but allowed a smile to grace her lips.

"No, you should before I have to share the feeling of utter exhaustion," she shot back. It took him a few moments before understanding what she was on about. Now, he mused, was as a good time as any other to tell her about my research. He'd come to the library mainly for that, but the sight of Hermione had made him forget about it.

"About that," he started, a bit thoughtful, "I have some research about souls. Not Connected though. It's my own research though. I'm not planning on making it official."

"Why not?" Hermione asked confused, now sitting up straight.

"I'll have to start from the beginning here; about my original thoughts," he said while leaning forward to place his elbows on the table. "People say that when you die, the soul leaves your body and disappears or go on to another life. But what if it leaves the body, but stays in the air we breathe?"

"Yes, but what if it stays in the body forever then?" Hermione interrupted, spoiling for a good fight of opinions. Severus didn't seem to mind; having longed to discuss his research with someone who had at least a sharp tongue along with brain.

"Yes, but this theory interested me more back then, and still do. Just think if we could take a dead person's soul, catch it, and place it in someone who has been Kissed?"

"You mean kissed by a Dementor? Wow, well, if the soul really is you…I mean really is the one you truly are; then it'd be like brining the dead back. But how to catch the soul?" she asked with a raised brow.

"That's been the trickiest part so far. You see, there is this spell I've been working on for years. It's supposed to trap the soul in some sort of protecting bubble so that you can touch it without harming it. I haven't tried it yet, but I think it's ready. As for giving the soul to the living body, you just have to make the person swallow the bubble and it'll break inside. It's only speculations next, but chances are the soul will attach itself to the body," he explained.

"It's…impressing, really. Guess it's just a bit…creepy?" Hermione said after awhile; frowning.

"Yes, I know. That and the damage this could do if the wrong person knew about this is why I'm not going to let the world know," Severus said sighing while he tiredly massaged his temples. It took him several minutes before he caught Hermione staring at him. He'd been too caught up in his own thoughts to notice.

"What?" he asked softly, almost whispering. He firmly held her gaze and wondered what it was that showed in those chocolate eyes.

"You have an amazing mind, Severus," she answered with the faintest of blushes. He raised a brow but chose not to make her even more uncomfortable. It was true he wasn't good at giving or receiving compliments, and he hoped she could figure that out so that she wouldn't get hurt by him turning his gaze away; avoiding eye contact.

"Could we, um, go somewhere more private?" Hermione asked when she noticed his discomfort. He seemed relieved by this and nodded silently before standing up while holding out a hand for her to take. She took it and he helped her stand, but neither of them let go. They stood gazing into each other's eyes for awhile, slowly breaking their eye contact to leave the library.

"My quarters?" Severus suggested when they came out into the corridor. Hermione nodded and walked beside him all the way down to the dungeons; a feeling of content filling her. But they'd had to let go of each others hands only after having walked a few steps out of the library, since the risk of running into a student was too big, and when down in the dungeons it was suicide anyway, because of the Slytherins who did worship the Dark Lord.

"After you Miss Granger," Severus sneered while holding his office door open. The twinkle in his eyes betrayed his snarky appearance though, and made it difficult for Hermione to keep herself from smiling.

"Thank you, _sir,_" she snapped while walking briskly inside; nose in the air. Severus grinned as he went inside and closed the door after him; locking it with a small wave of his hand. Hermione had stopped and turned to stand facing him in the middle of the room, and was currently faking a look of arrogance while having her hands firmly placed on her hips. Severus slowly walked up to stand inches from her, bending down to breathe in her scent without touching. She shivered but held her posture as he moved to stand behind her; placing his chin on her shoulder to whisper in her ear seductively.

"Miss Granger; such arrogance will be punished," he murmured while sneaking his arms around her waist. Hermione leaned back into him and closed her eyes to enjoy the warmth coming off him.

"Promise?" she whispered. Severus loosened his grip of her and spun her around; capturing her mouth in a hot kiss.

"Promise," he mumbled into her lips as he broke the kiss. Hermione made to kiss him again, but he backed away with a sly grin.

"Not here, my pet," he whispered while taking her hand and leading her towards another door, which went straight to his quarters.

"I'm not your pet," Hermione grumbled but made no more comment as he closed the door behind them.

"Are you not? But you seem to do my bidding," he pointed out with a low voice. Hermione huffed but was silenced as he pushed her up the door; claiming her mouth once again. It took her breath away, the way his body was pressed against her and they way he kissed. So possessive, yet somehow soft. Her head spun as she wrapped her arms around his neck. She gasped for air as he broke away, but felt she would've rather been kissing him than breathing air.

"Tell me what you want, Hermione," he whispered while nuzzling her cheek, his lips only inches from her hot skin.

"I want you to kiss me again," she answered with a firm voice. Severus grinned as he removed her arms from his neck; pinning them over her head with one hand. With his free hand he gently stroked her lower lip with his thumb before cupping her cheek.

"Is that all? Nothing more?" he asked, but didn't give her a chance to answer. He kissed her deeply, making sure to keep it slow as to tease her. He was rewarded by a moan as he left her lips to abuse the sensitive skin behind her ear.

"I want what I miss the most," Hermione whispered when he returned to kiss her; his lips touching hers as she spoke.

"And what is that?" he asked, feeling willing to give her whatever it was she wanted.

"It's not 'what', Severus, it's 'who'," Hermione teased before licking his lower lip. Severus smiled and made his way to kiss her jaw line.

"And who is that, Hermione?" he asked through kisses. She urged him up to her lips again, and moaned as he sucked at her lip.

"You, Severus, I want you," she finally said. "When you were gone, I was so afraid. If it wasn't for the Connection, I'd thought you'd be dead. I've missed you so much, even when you'd returned; I can't understand. Don't leave me tonight, please, I've longed for you."

Severus' breath caught at her words. He wanted so much to return those sweet words, but he couldn't. He was left with no words; he who was known for his wit and sharp words. Instead he kissed her again, letting go of her arms before pulling her into a gentle embrace. He knew hate, pain, confusion and passion. But this, this was new; this wasn't just pure, wild, untamed passion. This was something he didn't know of, yet he welcomed it without any more doubts; whatever it was. He'd find out someday, but tonight, he would let it be. Just this once he would let himself surrender to something unknown.

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A/N: awww I hope I didn't make snape too, eerr, sweet:) lol. anyways, I realize I'm kinda slow in getting to the 'final battle' part...heh, well...don't have an excuse XD I just want those two stubborn misfits to understand they're meant for each other and they _want_ little kiddies running around their massive mansion...lol..just kidding ;P they're not the mansion type...anyways, whatcha think? good chappie? do I get a cookie? -drool- 


	26. Blessing or Curse?

_A/N: sorry for the delay! had a important test just a few days ago, and will have like three more soon so...well, don't go around thinking I've given up on this story ;) anyways, read and review:)_

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I Find Comfort In Pain

Chapter 26: Blessing or Curse?

The previous days had gone by in a blur of lessons, both regular and for the DA, along with a much stressed atmosphere. Most of the members in the DA hadn't even noticed that the amount of students was beginning to lessen, while their teachers' faces wore a grim look. Hermione wasn't one of them, since she was quite observant by nature, and has asked Dumbledore about it. He'd explained that parents sent for their youngsters, sensing something wasn't right, and he'd been unable to stop it.

"Why would you want to stop them? I mean, we're gonna have a battle here, a war, within these walls even! Why risk the younger students' lives, by letting them stay here?" Hermione had asked with much confusion. Dumbledore had answered in his usual calming and reassuring tone that Hogwarts was the safest place to be, even when it was a place for battle. Hermione didn't have any time to dwell on this when questions more important surrounded her foggy mind.

It was tearing at her energy, all the training and usual homework, but she didn't complain. She understood, in a way, why Dumbledore seemed to insist on keeping things normal. He hadn't given any confrontation about there being any threat against the school, and therefore no one, outside the DA, was sure about the rumours spreading through the castle about DA being trained to protect the school (which was partly true, Hermione mused). With the lessons still going, and with no speeches of how to cope with death of one's friends, there was no proof that Dumbledore knew about Voldemort's attack. No proof, only speculations and guesses.

As a stress relief, and a thing to focus on, Hermione had found herself in the library more than often, and not only because of the books. Since her meeting with Severus there, when he'd told her about his research about capturing one's soul, they'd decided to blow the dust from his old research. Hermione was more than happy to help him with his old notes about the Soul Connection, and together they went through one third of the library faster than thought possible.

She enjoyed herself, sitting in the corner of the library with Severus, and knew he felt the same. During the time when he'd been gone, Hermione had felt herself grow more dependence on the Connection telling her if Severus was alive or not. It'd felt as if she could do nothing else but to wait for it to strike, or concentrate real hard, just for it to work. Now, when he was close and safe, she relaxed and was surprised to feel a lingering sensation deep within; telling her that he was indeed there, Connected to her soul. She felt his anger, his loathe and his love. She still cried at the overwhelming power that shot through the couple when passion overtook them. He would kiss her wet cheeks, quietly, while she assured him it was not out of pain or fear that she cried. But if he'd asked what it was, then she wouldn't have an answer. She didn't know why, she just cried.

Hermione was, at the moment, in the library with Severus. She wasn't reading though, and he pleasured himself by sitting back in his chair to watch the young woman sleep; having exhausted herself. He stared, for a moment or two, before frowning and sitting up straight. She should be sleeping in her own bed, gaining the energy she's lost, and not on a book thicker than his _Potions Makers through History._ He leaned over the table swiftly before gently removing the hair that hung over her cheek, down her arm. At the soft touch Hermione sighed softly before slowly waking. She blinked, eyes looking very sleepy, and carefully lifted her head up from her crossed arms that lay over the open book.

"Come," Severus said while standing, ignoring the fact that she'd been about to say something, waving his wand to put all the books away. A sound of protests from Hermione didn't stop him as he went over to her to help her stand. She didn't need the help, but the memory of her soft skin made it hard for him to keep himself from touching. It wasn't as if they made love every night, though that would be nice, and he missed the warmth of her body close to his. Their situation made it unthinkable to touch in public, since they were supposed to hate each other. Severus still found it strange how hate could be turned into…he daren't speak the word in his mind even now, which somehow annoyed him. But, as always, his stubborn mind kept him in check. One night of surrender had showed him something he couldn't describe, but he now knew the beauty of it. Yet everything beautiful can be made ugly, and everything as alive as that had been can be killed in less than a second. Those thoughts, perfectly true and logical, did not help the part of him that wanted to take that chance win.

"Where are we going sir?" Hermione's slightly confused voice said, cutting through his trail of thoughts. He blinked and realized they where heading down the wrong corridor, but kept going as he knew another way.

"Do not question me, Miss Granger," he snapped, not turning around. He felt relief over not feeling any hurt feelings snap inside of him, and relished in the fact that she cooped with his insults when in public, along with the cold glares and point taking. The maturity of this young woman hadn't crept up on him, casing him a shock, because he'd always known it was there. He'd known it since her sixth year, maybe fifth.

"Sorry sir," he heard her mumble and an equal shared feeling of amusement over their charade rose within them both. They had gotten quite far by now, and Severus awaited the moment of recognizing when Hermione's feelings of great annoyance and possibly anger was to rise. He'd led her to her Head Girl rooms.

"I do expect those blue rings under your eyes gone by tomorrow, Miss Granger, they do not suit you," Severus drawled as he turned around to face her. Hermione glared at him and crossed her arms sulkily. They stood by the door and seemed lost in glaring. Well, mostly it was Hermione who glared genuinely while Severus settled for a smirk.

"Thank you for your concern, _sir,_" she said before giving the password to let her in. Severus knew she was pissed because he'd tricked her out of the library, away from the books that threatened to become her life, and having her in a situation where she could not argue against him. Hermione was about to close the door, not having noticed that he was still there, when he put his foot in the way; leaning closer to whisper through the narrow opening.

"Sleep well, Hermione." After that he abruptly removed his foot and walked away, hearing the clicking sound of the door closing as he went. A warm feeling of affection filled the part of him that was now Hermione, and he had to struggle to keep himself from smiling softly.

* * *

"Severus?" Marion called out into the darkened classroom. It was around eight, and already had the sun disappeared from the sky. That didn't make the otherwise little light in the dungeons better, but with the aid of a wand she could at least see a few meters ahead. 

"Severus?" she tried again, but still there wasn't any answer. Swiftly she crossed the room, every shadow making shivers run down her back, to face the door that led into his office. She knocked, and waited. And waited. No answer. She stretched out her hand to grasp the doorknob but hesitated. He'd be very crossed with her if she disturbed him. Yet Dumbledore had insisted this was for the best. She jerked it open. Surprised that there wasn't any wards that'd gone off, she left the classroom.

"What are you doing here woman?" a cold voice snarled from the other side of the room. Marion froze and stared at Severus, whom the voice belonged to, where he stood; obviously just having exited his living quarters.

"Dumbledore wanted me to speak with you about the DA," she replied smoothly, ignoring the threatening glare he was sending her way. The few days she'd spent in this man's company had paid off, since she now could control her fear. He was so different from the boy she'd known that she saw him as another person, but this had only served to make things worse.

Since the cave, when she had gotten her memories back, she'd backed down. This Severus wasn't the boy she'd loved. He wasn't the one her heart wanted. He'd seemed cruel and harsh and tainted by the evils around him. Yet this firm vision of him slowly crumbled as she watched him from a distance. He'd saved her from Lucius, and he'd leaned against her through the woods, but still hadn't ceased cutting her with his tongue. It was only when she came here, to Hogwarts, when she came to see the man he really is. A downright bastard, sure, but there was something mature about him. Something that hadn't existed in the boy, something that she saw as special. His intellect amazed her, along with his grace, and she'd even seen him be polite to a few chosen people. His respect towards those people was hidden from the others, but Marion could see it. Since her first day out of her room, she'd felt herself fall towards a darkness she knew she'd never get out of ever again. At first, she'd thought that maybe she had a chance, but then…just right then she'd seen something that made him even more to the man she now saw. She'd seen him with _her._ That cute, young girl with the brushiest hair she'd ever seen. He was different around her, almost as if he feared something, and treated her with the respect Marion had only seen him show around grown-ups. With a closer look on the young girl, Marion saw something shadowed in her brown eyes. It was strange, not close to normal, yet beautiful. There, in her eyes, there was something dark. At times, Marion could see the darkness disappear only to get replaced by a bright glow. It was as if the girl had two souls inside of her, as if she wasn't _whole._ There was something missing that could make her one. No wonder he chose her as his target for attention; those eyes were enchanting and the aura around her drew a smile to one's lips. Strange that the two boys that followed her around didn't seem to notice. Such a powerful young witch should not be ignored.

"Marion? Marion!" The sound of her name snapped her out of her musings and she stared blankly at the man in front of her. Severus stood with his arms on her shoulders, glaring straight into her eyes with full force, before taking one step back and dropping his arms down to his sides.

"What was that?" he asked; dark eyes impatient. Marion shuddered at the cold air around her, but felt nothing but the burning sensation where his hands had been.

"Nothing, nothing," she sighed as she closed her eyes and shook her head.

"Well then, please tell me what you came here to tell me before you fall into that slumber again," he snapped while crossing his arms over his chest defensively. She'd noticed how unsettled he was when around her and took that as the reason for his public dislike of her. Some part of her wished he could at least speak with her like he once had, but it was just wistful thinking so the sensible part of her pushed it down.

"As you know, I have been teaching the Slytherins and have so far almost completed their training. They already know about Dark Arts and can even master some of the spells, so they know what they have to face. But about Miss Tonks' group… She doesn't know how to do any Dark spell that You-Know-Who might even consider using, and the students don't really understand…." she explained as fast as she could. She hadn't really gotten herself prepared, not even when she knew Severus didn't want to help with this, and now found that that was a mistake.

"Then you help them. If you've made such success with the Slytherin, then Tonks' bunch can't be a problem, now can it?" Severus growled at her, clearly annoyed by her unwanted visit and request.

"Sure, I've been an Auror and I've had many times when I've dealt with the Dark Arts, but really, Severus, face it; you're the best! I can't help the lot within five or six days!" Marion snapped a bit desperately. She didn't think she could handle another collection of dunderheads.

"And I can?" Severus spat back with a raised brow.

"Yes, you can, I know it. I mean, you've been there. You've been in the grasp of the Dark Arts and you've known its powers. Not even Dumbledore know as much as you do! Please, Severus, I can't force you to help with the DA. Dumbledore said if you said no, it'd be okay, but it isn't. I can't take another pack of teenager! Please, Severus," she pleaded while stepping up closer; never taking her eyes away from his. He looked thoughtful, angry and…Marion stared. What was that? In his eyes. There was some sort of movement, as if something sneaked around behind his black irises, and it sort of gleamed.

"Very well; you asked nicely enough," he dismissed with a voice of indifference. Marion snapped back to reality, noticing his smirk, and nodded before leaving with a grateful smile.

"Thank you, Severus," she said before closing the door behind her. There was something strange, something very weird, about his eyes, she noted. Did it have anything to do with that girl? Marion sighed and gave up for tonight; slowly making her way back to her room.

**-------------------------------**

"No problem," Severus snarled to the closed door after Marion had left. He wasn't sure why he'd agreed, but he had an idea. When she'd gone on and on about 'oh you can do it, you've been there' the place he reserved for Hermione-feelings had stirred. Normally, he'd dragged her to the door if she hadn't left by then and slammed it in her face just to make it all more dramatic. But that hadn't happened. He'd felt a need to help rise, and couldn't have done much more than to watch, as if outside his own body, as he'd agreed in an enough polite way. Now he was stuck with a bunch of teenagers in his spare time too. Great, just great. If only Voldemort could hurry up and crush the school before Severus found himself falling down the North tower in mere depression.

An unpleasant feeling inside of him told Severus that the, no longer his, other part of him didn't like the way his thoughts were going, so he quickly dismissed them. '_That's it; I'm going to find a way to get rid of this,'_ Severus thought while going back to his quarters. He'd given this Soul Connection thing some thought, and he knew that it couldn't be just good. What if, as an outcome, all feelings disappeared from both of them? Or if one of them could only feel the other's feelings? That theory was very unnerving as it brought images of Hermione only having his bitter, brooding and angry feelings within her. She'd be tainted and broken, for sure, and not his strong Hermione. It frightened him that this seemed to be what was happening. She cried, when she was in his arms after making love, and she wasn't sure why. He knew that. She said it wasn't out of pain, but he could feel it. He could feel the overwhelming feeling that struck her, as well as him, and knew all too well about the emotional pain she suffered. She might not want to accept that he brought her pain, and might not feel it because of that, but it was there. This was no fairytale; no blessing without a curse.

Mind a bit foggy and sight blurred, Severus sat down in one of his armchairs. It wasn't late, but he felt extremely tired. Somehow he suspected it wasn't his own tiredness, but didn't explore that any further. '_This Connection is growing too strong',_ he thought before going to sleep, '_it's not fair to Hermione.' _

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_A/N: my oh my...severus sure is stubborn when he's decided to do something...how will this end? ;) review? -puppy eyes- promise I'll be good if you do! -crosses fingers behind back-_


	27. A Final Battle, A Final Breath?

_A/N: FINALLY! hrm...anyways, here's an update! review?_

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I Find Comfort In Pain

Chapter 27: A Final Battle, A Final Breath?

It was in a very bad mood that Severus entered his office, three days after he'd agreed with Marion to teach the helpless bunch of students Tonks had taught for the past week. It seemed that whatever he tried to accomplish these days failed. The dim-witted teenagers failed to understand what he tried to teach them, which wasn't anything new but he'd thought the new circumstances which they found themselves in would make them more alert. He'd failed in that area, and in the more important one too; the Soul Connection.

The original antidote had to be taken while one of them loses their virginity, and that option was long lost since Hermione had refused to back down. And he himself hadn't been a virgin for a long time. Anyhow, the other solutions were either to take his life and die, or fall in love with someone else. The many notes and ideas of another way than those was buried somewhere in his desk, since he'd lost interest after a while and then been sent away to that damned cave. Now he didn't have time to take up the research again, that had originally started when he'd refused to take the girl's innocence, and this left him with the two least wanted options. Die or take an illegal potion that would hardly ever run out of his system fully. And besides, the feelings such a potion gives are never real so he wouldn't know if it would work. And dying didn't have the same appeal to it nowadays.

"Damn this," he swore while making his way around his desk, opening a drawer with such force that it creaked in protest. He searched the many papers and small notebooks with a frown. Finally grabbing a black binder filled with different sorts of parchments, Severus straightened and lazily sat down to flip through the papers. After just a few minutes of reading he threw the files onto his desk, growling in irritation.

"Severus!"

He almost fell out of his chair as he made to stand a bit too quickly at the sound of his name being called. It came from his quarters, which could only mean that someone with permission was using his fireplace in a try to inform him of something. Severus found himself almost running towards the door leading him to his rooms, but didn't try to slow down.

"Headmaster," Severus greeted, not too surprised, when he entered his living room; not visibly affected by his sudden rush towards his rooms.

"Death Eaters are in Hogsmeade now, they will soon be here. Prepare yourself. The DA is being gathered right now by Minerva and Tonks, and the Slytherins by Marion. I need you to meet me in the Entrance hall. Voldemort will be expecting chaos, having us trapped in the castle, but we will meet him outside," Dumbledore said, the twinkle in his eyes gone. Severus nodded and didn't bother to speak before leaving the dungeons. All thoughts that didn't involve war, curses and different hiding places on Hogwarts' ground were pushed aside and Severus did as told. Preparing himself for battle, pain and indifference wasn't that hard, he reflected. Though the students would have a difficult time until adrenaline hit them.

"Ah, good, you're all here," Dumbledore greeted when Severus came into view. Not surprised by the speed Dumbledore was moving from his own office to the Entrance hall, Severus looked around and took in the many pale faces around him and the old man.

"I still think that it would be for the best if we had the DA spread out on Hogwarts' ground instead of having them by our side in direct battle. I know we have gone through the strategy, Headmaster, but if we can lure the Dark Lord's forces closer to the castle the DA could attack from behind and we'd have them trapped," Severus said through clenched teeth. He'd tried to convince Dumbledore about this, but he'd stood by his original plan. Gryffindor, as usual. Though to defeat a Slytherin, you needed to use Slytherin methods.

"That sounds like a good idea, Headmaster," a voice said from the crowd. Both he and Severus turned to see Harry Potter step forward. With a sneer Severus crossed his arms and regarded the boy carefully.

"Severus…" Dumbledore began, having turned his gaze to the dark-haired man. When he didn't respond, he sighed and nodded. "Do so. Spread them out and instruct them, but take some Aurors too. Then return."

"As you whish, Headmaster," Severus said with a small bow before turning to face the others.

"The DA, follow me; Slytherins, Gryffindors, Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws. I want you, you, you and you to follow. Take your best partner and follow," Severus said, pointing at a few chosen Aurors. Turning to leave, Severus brought out his wand and swiftly waved it. The doors swung open and he exited with the DA after him. The Aurors left the castle last, closing the heavy doors after them.

"You five! Go over there, and keep quiet. You will attack last, understood? Even if a Death Eater stands only a meter away, not knowing that you are there, you will wait on my signal! Blue sparks, followed by red. I want ten of you by Hagrid's hut, and twenty by the forest," Severus ordered. He didn't allow any of them to go, until he had given each and everyone of them a task, and a place to hide. Dragging Harry to the side, Severus had whispered something in his ear which left him looking grim. With a curt nod, Harry walked back to his group; Hermione, Ron, Neville and Ginny. Severus met Hermione's eyes for a second, seeing her puzzlement, but quickly returned to his speech. It took less than five minutes to get everyone ready, but he knew it took too much time.

"Away with you!" he bellowed before running towards the castle. His mark was burning by now, and he knew they weren't far away. He had to inform the others about his newly formed plan, so that they could help.

"Everything done?" Dumbledore asked. Severus nodded and quickly explained for the Aurors and teachers what was out there, hidden behind trees and hills, and where they should not go and where to lead the Death Eaters. Time was precious, and he had to urge them to follow him outside as he spoke. When he finally was done, they could see dark figures by the Hogwarts gate. Within seconds the wards and gates were down, and the madness begun.

Severus lunged forward as they reach the wall of black-clad monsters. Voldemort surely hadn't come alone; followers in the shape of humans, Dementors, werewolves and much more graced the otherwise peaceful ground surrounding Hogwarts. Any surprise at meeting an organized army was muffled by the urge to win from both sides. Spells, curses and hexes flew around him, creating a net of colours and light. Men and women dropped to the ground, screaming, cursing or dead. It took him time to create a hole in the black that was around him, but as his wand moved from person to person he soon had an empty space around him in the shape of a circle. Gazing around for anyone in need, Severus also searched for his former Lord; Voldemort. Where was he?

Suddenly hearing a scream Severus fell to the ground; sight blurred. He realized it was his, but too late. Already had Death Eaters sensed his weakness and were attacking him. Determined to male them _crawl_ back from where they came, Severus moved swiftly and ignored the pain in his body. Now aiming at everything that moved, Severus let out a scream of irritation. It took him several minutes to regain his sight fully, and by then many had moved further away. Feeling panic strike, but disappear faster than he thought possible, Severus saw his chance to call out for the DA. Sending sparks in the colour of blue and red, Severus held his breath. True to their cause, DA members appeared from different locations striking like snakes; fast and furious. Death Eaters stood frozen for about two seconds before returning to their battle. Concentration and indifference. Severus sneered but returned his attention to what lay before him. He had only called for five of the twelve groups he had hidden, and now he needed to find Voldemort. Shivering at the name, he hurried through the crowd; taking down as many creatures as possible.

Severus reached Dumbledore, who stood fighting a group of Dementors along with Minerva, and joined in.

"Any sight of Voldemort?" Severus asked with a hoarse voice. Dumbledore just shock his head, eyes on his task. Severus shot a last curse, sending one of the creatures flying through the air just to set on fire moments after. Dumbledore hissed and showed his anger by throwing a very strong Patronus, sending all of them back, and turned to face him.

"Severus!" he bellowed. The black-haired man ignored him and left as quickly as he'd appeared.

"Let it go, old man!" he shouted over the noise surrounding them. Dumbledore disappeared behind a group of Death Eaters, and Severus returned to his search. He'd just used Dark Magic, Dark enough to actually kill a Dementor, but he didn't care. Anger, filled with anxiousness, drove him through the battlefield.

"Watch out!" Severus yelled, waving his wand and sending a nasty looking creature flying. He was by the forest now, and had seen a flash of pink. Tonks stood pressed up a tree, wand several feet away. As soon as the creature was gone though, she threw herself at the wand before giving him a quick thank you and leaving. Severus growled but continued on his way.

Blood, screams and whimpers filled his surroundings. He'd missed the fight that had taken place here, and knew the groups had done their work. Soon only the middle of the schoolyard would be the battlefield. A flash of green made him turn his head towards the forest. He saw several shadows in there, moving and sending green, blue, red and yellow curses everywhere. Startled, Severus made his way towards the lone battle, not knowing what he was to see.

"Stand still Potter!" he heard someone shriek. The high-pitched voice made him want to vomit, but he kept going. Voldemort. Potter. Was there any more there?

"HARRY!"

Severus froze. Hermione! Biting his tongue to keep himself quiet, Severus ran. They stood no chance against that skeleton, and they knew it. It didn't take long until he reached the place where they fought; jumping out of the shadows with his cloak billowing behind him. The time froze. Harry, Hermione, Ron stood still; didn't dare to move. Severus stood only a few meters from Voldemort, facing the feared wizard standing for once. Hate rose inside of him, and he knew the white bastard felt the same, though both men stood with a mask of indifference.

"Ah, Snape. Come to rescue these poor children?" Voldemort hissed; a smile lurking in the corner of his mouth. Severus growled but stayed calm as he started to move. They walked in circles, facing each other, waiting for one of them to strike first.

"Ladies first," Severus said smoothly, gesturing with his free hand for Voldemort to begin. The slits he called nostrils flared and betrayed the anger he truly felt at Severus' words.

"You are nothing but a coward, Snape," Voldemort said before raising his wand. Casting a curse, without uttering a word, and the duel was on. The three viewers stood watching with round eyes, only one of them looking composed and ready for something. Harry took a deep breath and waited. He didn't even notice how Ron grabbed Hermione arms to keep her from running to help their Professor. All his concentration and attention was on Voldemort and his movements. Snape had spoken to him, telling him he would duel with Voldemort and distract him while Harry would wait for the right moment to strike. He well-placed slicing-hex would remove the skull-like head and end the life of Lord Voldemort. Harry thanked Snape silently for this, because he couldn't perform the killing curse. How to kill without that had been a mystery to him, but it was no longer.

There! He saw it; a second of weakness. A smile of triumph on Voldemort's lips and Harry wasted no time. Waving his wand and uttering the curse under his breath, Harry did not heard the screams surrounding him, nor the blood washing over his feet as he walked closer to the Dark Lord who now lay on the ground; headless. He didn't see who lay beside him, just a few steps away, in a pool of blood. It was only when he fell to his knees in shock over what he'd done that sight and hearing returned. Someone was holding his shoulders, talking to him, and some other, more feminine voice, was screaming for help. Help. Help. The words shook him and he flew up; turning around.

"Go and get HELP Ron! NOW!" Hermione screamed. She was sitting on the ground, with Professor Snape's head in her knee, weeping. Harry stared at the scene, taking in the soaked cloak, proving he had many cuts and wounds, but it was his eyes that made Harry stare. They were blindly looking up into the sky; no feelings, nothing. Only a shadow played behind those black orbs. Harry swallowed and bit back a sob. This was too much, they needed to get help even though he knew that it was too late; the man was slowly dying.

"Come on Ron! We have to get help!" Harry said in a choked voice, dragging the numb red head along with him. They left the sobbing mess that was Hermione to search the battlefield that was still in full action, knowing it would take a bit too long if they were stopped by Death Eaters and forced to fight.

"Severus! Severus! Don't die, please don't die!" Hermione wailed while brushing hair out of his pained face. He inhaled a shaky breath, which only caused her to cry even more.

"Hush, 'Mione…" he whispered. "Hush…"

He was too weak to lift his hand to wipe away her tears, and knew he had better things to say than assuring her that things would be alright when he knew it was a lie.

"Does it hurt terribly?" she asked in a tiny voice. Severus could feel her pain, and knew she could feel his. Yet it was fading, and he knew why. It pained him that she did not, but he had no energy to waste his words.

"My wounds doesn't hurt, Hermione, it is my heart," he said in a louder voice, but it still sounded like a whisper.

"Why?" she asked, new worry in her eyes. Severus chuckled, but it came out as a cough.

"Because I love you Hermione. I love you so much that my heart aches," he choked out; eyes locked with hers. She let out a loud wail, lowering her head to kiss his dry lips desperately.

"Love isn't supposed to hurt Severus!" she said through sobs as she ended the kiss. Severus closed his eyes, but found that he wanted to see her; her sweet face and loving eyes before falling into the darkness that was already eating him.

"Didn't I tell you, that I find comfort in pain?" he said; voice surprisingly smooth for someone who's screamed in pain only moments ago. Hermione felt a bittersweet feeling run through her. Hadn't she whished for him to find comfort in her? All those weeks ago? It felt as if a lifetime had passed, and now he lay in her knee telling her that her whish has come true.

"Don't leave me Severus…please…" she pleaded, but he was already slowly closing his eyes; mouthing the words 'I love you' for his voice was gone. Pain inside of her, in her heart and in her soul, made her scream. If she was crying, she didn't know, and if she was still screaming, she was oblivious. All she could see and hear was him. His slow breathing, his heartbeats. She listened. And listened. Waited. It was as if someone was tearing at her, yet she'd stopped really feeling. The time stood still, and she could do nothing but listen and wait for the silence.

_Dunk. Dunk. Dunk._

Slow and weak yet so clear in her ears. Then it stopped. His breathing, beating. The pain was gone. Everything lost. She didn't even hear her own heartbeats, didn't even feel her breaths. She watched his closed eyes, stared yet saw nothing. Energy pulsed through her. Anger, grief and magic. An emptiness within her soul that she had yet to discover through the mix of feelings filled itself again. A deep breath broke the moment of powerful silence. Another scream filled the forest, followed by one more, and everything exploded. The energy, the magic. Beating like one, two hearts linked. What had been dark, was now bathing in light. Two souls sought each other, reached out in desperate need, and joined as one.

Hermione blinked. Brown meeting black. His eyes were no longer closed, his breaths no longer gone. She fell backwards, exhausted and shocked beyond reason. Even though her mind went black, black like his eyes, her soul still glowed brightly. Finally at peace, finally joined as one, they cared little for what happened to them. Unconscious, yet fully awake somewhere within themselves, was how they were found more than an hour later; the war won.

_-Fin-_

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_A/N: THE END! omg omg omg! FINALLY! so, what did you think? too cliché in the end? -troubled look- I want you to know I was really thinking of killing him off...I could rewrite it you know. ah well you have Zafir to thank for the cliché-end...she convinced me it was the right thing to do...heh...anyways, should I write an __Epilogue?_

_anyways, I would like to thank you all for reading this story and following through! It's been great to read all the reviews, even though I haven't given you enough credit! So sorry! ;D You guys are just great! But I am glad that this is over so I can concentrate on finishing everything else...this has been the story I have wanted to update before the others, but now that this is gone I can make another favorite ;) ah well I'm babbling..._

_PLEASE REVIEW AND TELL ME WHAT YOU THOUGHT ABOUT THIS CHAPTER AND STORY! I mean, all those who never review, come on one review won't hurt:)_

_Me Love You_


	28. Epilogue

I Find Comfort In Pain

Epilogue: Lost until Found

"I thought I'd lost you," she whispered. Hers words echoed in the darkness, even though they were weak; barely a breath.

"You did," came an answer in her ear, this too whispered. It meant nothing to her, his words, for she stood in a pool of warmth; safe in his arms. It felt so right, like it always did, to be with him. Neither knew where this place was, this complete dark place, but they didn't care. And it didn't matter where, she decided, as long as he was there to hold her.

"I can't see," she said into his chest suddenly. She heard him sigh, and felt herself being gently pulled down to sit with him on what appeared to be a smooth surface. But as far as she was concerned, they could've been sitting on the walls. There was no up, no down, no direction at all. But he, he was here. He was her world here and now. It must be a dream, all this, she mused, because nothing can be like this. Reality could not give her this feeling; reality could not give them this kind of freedom so easily.

"I know you can't love. It's this place; it's not made for human eyes," he said with a calm voice that seemed so strong. The whispers had echoed lightly against the walls of darkness, but his normally spoken words filled her ears painfully.

"What do you mean? Where are we?" she asked, against her will. She wanted to stay, and had a feeling she couldn't if she found out. His arms tightened around her, his warmth turned to heat.

"You are nowhere, my sweet. You clung to me too fiercely, Hermione; and now I have dragged you into the nothingness. I am so sorry, love, I truly am. Please forgive me," he breathed, as if in pain. Hermione pulled away to cup his face and comfort him; not knowing what was wrong. When she opened her mouth to speak, he interrupted her. How he could've seen her lips part was a mystery, but she listed without questioning.

"Please Hermione; you do not understand. I died there; in your arms. Yet you sought for my soul, through our Connection, and brought me back. But only for a while. No spell, no magic, no love can bring the dead back, Hermione. Why didn't you let go? Why did you hold on? I am lost Hermione, but you still have a chance. It might not be too late for you."

Her breath caught as memories and realizations washed over her like a giant wave. Her heart ached, her eyes blurred with tears, but she knew the truth. This was no dream, this was no peaceful and happy place; this was nothing. But he was there, yet he wasn't. Her mind swirled painfully, but it didn't end there. He had more on his mind.

"You saved me so many times Hermione, and I will try and make it up. I will save you from this place, at any prize. But there are so many things I have to tell you. Do you see the irony? Here I am, an eternity to spend, yet I have no time for what I want the most. I want to tell you how beautiful you are, how much you've done for me without even knowing…how I _feel_ for you. But I have no time for such long speeches. The second thing I want the most is for you to let go of this, okay? Would you do that for me? Go back, return to your friends, live. If you do not, you'll be stuck here, vision returned; no longer human. This is no place for you; if only you could see, then you would know. I love you so deeply, so truly, but Hermione…you should be in Heaven."

* * *

The Final Battle's main outcome should've brought celebration to England, but nearly no one cheered. They had won, yes, but the losses choked the words of joy. Hogwarts stood tall still, but the grass around its walls where red and damp. Few survived the nights after the Battle, hurt in both body and mind beyond repair. 

A few stayed sane through the years it took to repair the world though. Two of these very people were those standing by two beds, having lost count of how many times they'd done that through the two years that had passed so far. It was a young man with black hair, glassed and a scar who didn't even try to conceal his tears. Somehow, he always survived. Somehow, he always made it. Why? Guilt tainted him, every hour of his life, yet in this very room it left him. On one of the beds lay his once closest female friend, and he knew she wouldn't have wanted him in a state of guilt if she was to wake up. This was what kept him free of the guilt, and what kept him coming back.

The other man, a very old man with silver-beard, had placed his hand on the younger one's shoulder in an act of comfort. They looked like Grandfather and Grandson, visiting closer friends who just seemed to be asleep. The silver-bearded man didn't join in the silent tears, but his fading, blue eyes spoke of even more pain. They were locked on the other bed, on a man who only breathed because of the woman he loved; the woman who was trapped with him. He whished for her to let go of his friend; whished for her to come back. She was young still, merely in her twenties, and should be given a second chance. Her man, wherever he was, knew this and would be trying to convince her. Yet two long years had passed, but he couldn't blame them. Love strong enough to keep oneself and another alive should be respected. Brooding about this, he stood in silence, until the black-haired man spoke.

"You said they would wake up. You said they would. Why?"

Because he believed, he wanted to say. But he didn't want to bring even more sorrow to this young man. Leaving facts out wasn't lying, he supposed.

"Because maybethey will. When they are ready. You see Harry; no one truly knows what happens when you are between life and death. Some say you see a dark tunnel, with a light in the end, and some say it's just darkness. Others choose to stay, whether it's in a tunnel or in a total blackness, and cannot tell. These two are linked, and in the same place. Though they're afraid of losing each other, and won't let go it seems. I do not know if one of them truly are lost, but if that's the case then they will lose each other when letting go. They're smart enough to figure it out that sometimes that's what has to be done. But until then, we just have to let them say their good-byes," he said calmly.

"But what if they don't let go?" Harry asked. "What then, Albus?"

"Don't think like that, my boy. Please," he begged, his own hopes starting to fall.

"Let's call them lost until found then," Harry whispered sadly, tears now drying on his cheeks.

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_A/N: there..now it really has come to an end! you may make up a sequel in your creative mindsabout how they both wake up, or how Hermione returns but leaves Severus to die, or how Hermione stays and turns his hell into their Heaven. the choice is yours! Hope you enjoyed my story, but now it's over! Review plz to this last little chappie cause it makes me so happy! _

_CHEERS!_


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